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Category: Baby Showers

Asked by Kfinzue

Q: Pity Baby Shower

The other day i posted a question about a baby shower, more of a rant than a question but still. About a day after posting that i told my fiance how lonely it made me feel i didn't have anyone to throw me a shower. That night his mom called and asked about a shower, to which he replied i wasnt having one cuz no one offered. She and i do not get along at all but according to her she guesses she'll "just have to throw me one, since no one else will." like im a burden. Plus now shes made a list of people who are aloud, and has a strict line that only 20 people are welcome. Over half of those she plans on inviting are people I have never even met. And she wants it to be at her home more than an hour away from where i live "so everyone can see my (her) new house." I dont want her to throw me a party, especially if it's all going to be all about her. Is there any way I could tell her thanks but no thanks and not look like the bad guy?

This question was asked Jul. 23, 2012 11:55pm
Category: Baby Showers

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Answers (11)

Answered by a member - Aug. 23, 2012 8:42pm

I feel for you about the mean mother in law thing, but next time, don't set yourself up to be pitied! Maybe you didn't want your hubby to express those feelings to anyone and it just got blurted out like my husband does with things I tell him that are meant for only his ears, in which case you can disregard my entire post! But if not I should tell you that when you tell someone "nobody wants to help me, nobody wants to give me a party", you sort of set yourself up to be pitied. In these situations it is best to say, I can and I will do this for myself! If you told your husband that you decided to throw your own shower for instance, he would have told his mom that instead, then maybe she would have insisted that she wanted to give you a shower instead of saying, "i guess I have to do it then". I don't want to make you feel bad, I just want you to empower yourself! Hang in there, be strong!

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Answered by cherienc - Aug. 23, 2012 8:34pm

Just let her throw it I guess and then have your own party! I had to live with my monster in law for three years, and she was constantly interfering! Every day I would get some stupid comment, more than one actually. Not to say that every mother in law is a monster, but mine truly is. Just be grateful you don't have to live with the woman! I would just make nice, suck it up and go. If her bad attitude does not go away after you make the effort to have a relationship, then you can't say that you didn't try. Because, trust me, if things are bad now, they will only be worse when the baby arrives. Try to make things a little smoother for everyone by being the bigger person!

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Answered by dbrissette - Aug. 7, 2012 3:47pm

You could always throw yourself one??? that way you can invite who you want and not have to move all the stuff back to your house.

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Answered by Kfinzue - Jul. 24, 2012 8:17pm

Lol I guess free crap really is a good way of looking at it! I have never been rude or mean to her in the least, and honestly don't know if I could be, it's just not who I am. So I'm sure I'll go, and hey, some free stuff is better than no free stuff. And I'm sure I will have a good time no matter what. I do have facebook, and friends and family, but none have even mentioned a baby shower to me. Literally all of my close friends are in college (broke) or pregnant, and don't have someone else' pregnancy on their minds. Both sides of my family would attend a baby shower for me, but I honestly don't think any of them would throw me one. I have 15 Aunts, and at least 30 female cousins, and i know they would attend, but not throw a party. :/ ... I guess even a pity party is better than nothing!

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Answered by AuburnMama - Jul. 24, 2012 3:01pm

Don't look a gift shower in the mouth...remember, a lot of what goes into a shower is up to the person throwing the shower. You just show up, eat cake, get gifts and go. Maybe this will be a good way to better the relationship, while getting free stuff. An hour isn't too far, so go in with a positive attitude--it's better than nothing. Also, her attitude of "guess I'll do it" could be based on the fact that many people feel that family shouldn't throw the shower, but that's changed over recent years.

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Answered by timao1 - Jul. 24, 2012 1:24pm

IMO all the extras you can get sure help!! family is family even if you don't get along, and there will be many more encounters with her in the future if she is part of the baby's life. as PP said, don't lower yourself to her level and enjoy! reap coals of kindness on her head knowing you have the better heart and a precious life growing inside YOU....

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Answered by nipsnnibbles312 - Jul. 24, 2012 1:05pm

I personally would go! Even tho shes putting a limit on 20 ppl and having it at her house with her friends so what!! like mentioned above take her for what they got! THEN after baby comes your friends and or family can send you gift cards/ to help buy the rest of what you need! free is for me and if its going to save you and your hubby money then you should attend!! BE THE BIGGER PERSON! kill her with kindness itll piss her off more! Do you have a facebook page?
Do you have any friends or family ( from your side) who will be involved in your babies life???

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Answered by Stellar222 - Jul. 24, 2012 11:09am

As much as it sucks, I think ya gotta go. If not for her for your fiancÃ©, your baby and the future of that relationship. Maybe this could be a positive thing...if not, I agree with looney - go, eat, get free crap, etc. Not going or making a more negative situation of it could damage your relationship with your fiancÃ©. Plus, she's going to be around no matter what. Ya can't choose his family and since you already chose him, you gotta deal with them. I know it sucks...good luck.

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Answered by looney - Jul. 24, 2012 3:59am

If you don't have to do ANYTHING at all, and she does ALL the planning... & invites everyone SHE wants... then oh well, go, have yummy snacks, pretend ur happy and get free crap from all her friends. It's not what you wanted at all obviously, but if she is going to be a beeeoch, then take her for what shes got and let it roll off your back. When you leave say "I guess I'll just have to say thank you, since no one else threw me a shower but you" lol, jk, don't be a bitch back, it only makes you as low as her, but really, if you dont have to lift ONE finger, then show up at the date and time, and take her for what she's got, all the treats and presents a like. Doesn't mean you gotta like anyone or their crap. Free food = WIN.

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Answered by BritsExpecting88 - Jul. 24, 2012 3:15am

Just like you said thanks but no thanks!

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