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Category: Newly Pregnant

Asked by KaylaBee

Q: Having a child out of wedlock.

Due to fertility circumstances me and my partner of 4 years made the decision to try for a baby.I was told i might be infertile but i fell pregnant. I would love to of been married but i can't ask that question unfortunetly lol. Alot of people at work do not know my medical history nor do i really want to tell them. I know they are going to have a problem with me not being married since everyone else that i work with was 30 something and married.
How can i explain to them or make them see this wasnt just a oops or something we didn't think about. Me and my partner discussed it for 2 months after getting a doctors opinion and also did a budget to make sure we could afford it. Is it really that bad not being married.. Honest opinions please :)

This question was asked Dec. 17, 2012 5:57am
Category: Newly Pregnant

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Answered by KaylaBee - Dec. 19, 2012 7:43pm
Why do the negative comments not use their username. :/ I am really happy with most of the comments on here. So thanks to the ladies who offered support and kind words. :) wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy. Xx

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Answered by a member - Dec. 19, 2012 3:25pm
Whoa, no need to be defensive. Maybe people were just asking for details to help you be able to explain yourself to others (since that was your original question). You asked how to explain your situation but you didn't really explain your situation. Perhaps you had a specific reason for not getting married like you both come from divorced families and don't believe in marriage or you were married before and aren't ready to be married again. I think people were just trying to understand your situation, not judge you.

If you guys are happy, then just tell people you're overjoyed and you thought it was going take longer to conceive. That kind of implies that you were trying and the baby wasn't an accident. Besides that, who cares what other people think? If you're happy, that's all that matters. I'll tell you something, I've been married for 5 years and people still ask me if this baby was planned or an oops! Being married doesn't stop people from questioning your choices.

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Answered by GemGem - Dec. 18, 2012 9:19pm
The question clearly doesn't ask anything about WHY her partner wont marry her so why has that been brought up as an issue? It doesn't even say that she wants to be married or not. Some people are anti marriage and think the same about married people.

All you have to care about is what is right for you and your *long term* partner, because at the end of the day people will have their opinions no matter what. And I think its far too much effort to try and argue it out who's right or who's wrong. In a few months your have your beautiful little baby, Then center of your universe. Thats whats right. and thats what matters most..

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Answered by KaylaBee - Dec. 18, 2012 7:50pm
Read the question! I didnt ask why am I not married. I also think you both are very judgemental considering you don't know me or my partner. My partner will marry me most likely next year. Things had to move fast as I just had surgery and that's was our best time to try after but we didn't know till after surgery how bad it was! What don't you get?!? I am completely fine with not forcing marriage on my partner that's not how it should be! We are happy! So with this advice you have both given then what is the solution since its so wrong.... Make him marrying me or abortion. Get a grip mate!

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Answered by a member - Dec. 18, 2012 7:00pm
Don't feel bad, but asking for people's opinions might mean that you get some opinions you don't like. There isn't anything really rude in the person's anonymous posts, they're just very blunt. I am not the previous anonymous poster, but I see their point.

I don't think the anonymous poster was trying to be rude, but it's hard to understand why you went ahead and tried to get pregnant without having talked about marriage first only to bring up later that you aren't completely comfortable having a baby without being married. I agree with the anonymous poster who said that he shouldn't care if it looks like he's just marrying you because of the baby. If he wants to marry you, he should. If you want to be married, you should talk to him about it.

The real question is how important is marriage to YOU, not us or anyone else. Marriage doesn't make happy families. But if it's important you, the reason he has given you doesn't seem like a good one.

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Answered by Kynlees_Mommy - Dec. 18, 2012 3:28am
Some people are going to be rude.. I honestly believe if you are both happy and in love than you completely did the right thing and who cares what anyone else thinks. It is your and your partners decision anyway!! I think it is MUCH better to have a baby when your in love and not married than have a baby when you are married and not in love and argue and fight all the time! You are bringing a new life into this world and into a family (married or not) that is happy and in love!! So anyone who has a rude opinion about it, tell them to mind their own business bc you are happy and they cant bring you down! I assume this is your first baby, I am pregnant with my second baby so just wait till that baby gets here! You wont care what anyone else thinks!! All that matters is you are healthy and happy and the baby is as well! You will be soo in love when you see his/her face for the first time!! Congrats! :)

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Answered by GemGem - Dec. 17, 2012 11:34pm
Wow! I don't think it matters at all! I mean people have sex before marriage? Divorce? Is it different to have babies? As long as it is what you both want and can give this baby as much love and care it needs, who cares about a piece of paper that bounds you together by law. You have both obviously made the commitment to eachother. Married or not no one deserves to be looked down apon. But unfortnatley this does happen because some people are perfect don't you know. lol (rolls eyes) Congratulations hun and GL! :)

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Answered by FebBabyx - Dec. 17, 2012 10:01pm
Don't let anybody make you feel like shit honey, some people can be pretty rude. If you and your boyfriend are happy with your situation then don't think about others opinions. As I said before, I'm due to have my baby in a few weeks and I'm not married to the father although we are very happy together and can't wait to raise our beautiful baby girl. I'm glad u asked the question so don't doubt yourself for anybody.. This site is supposed to be for support and advice :) xx

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Answered by KaylaBee - Dec. 17, 2012 9:55pm
So to originally answer my question yes there are going to be people who will have a problem with having a child out of wedlock. The person who wont identiify there username is one of them. I kinda wish i never asked this question because now i just feel like a peice of shit. So thanks

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Answered by a member - Dec. 17, 2012 9:04pm
"When i fell pregnant and said im a bit uncomfortable not being married he replied with "i woud love to get down on my knee and ask you to marry me but i can't now because it looks like im just marrying you because your having my baby"

Not true. If he wanted to, he wouldn't care what other people thought. He also could have done it when you were discussing trying to have a baby before marriage. He didn't.

He has no reason to take the next step because you are already acting like his wife....so you made it easy on him. No chasing, no courting.....you gave him everything without the promise of commitment. How will it feel to have a different last name than your baby?

However, this does NOT mean it won't last and can't work. You two can still be together, and certainly love each other. It's just doing it without true commitment from him.

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