Questions & Answers

Can you explain why you and the baby's father aren't engaged or married? I think couples that aren't married can still raise happy/healthy children but I just wonder why you guys aren't taking that step first. To me, having a child is a HUGE commitment and it's a little odd to me that you're both willing to make that commitment without committing to each other in marriage first. If one of you isn't feeling ready to be married, I would wonder how that person is ready to have a child. That's really my only concern about your situation.

Are you and the father living together? Do you plan to get married later? Of course marriage is no guarantee that a couple will stay together but I think its a step that signifies that you both intend to be together long term.

As long as you guys have a good reason for not getting married first, I'm sure you'll be fine. I know plenty of people who have had a child out of wedlock but as far as I know, the babies weren't planned.

Whoa, no need to be defensive. Maybe people were just asking for details to help you be able to explain yourself to others (since that was your original question). You asked how to explain your situation but you didn't really explain your situation. Perhaps you had a specific reason for not getting married like you both come from divorced families and don't believe in marriage or you were married before and aren't ready to be married again. I think people were just trying to understand your situation, not judge you.

If you guys are happy, then just tell people you're overjoyed and you thought it was going take longer to conceive. That kind of implies that you were trying and the baby wasn't an accident. Besides that, who cares what other people think? If you're happy, that's all that matters. I'll tell you something, I've been married for 5 years and people still ask me if this baby was planned or an oops! Being married doesn't stop people from questioning your choices.

Some people are going to be rude.. I honestly believe if you are both happy and in love than you completely did the right thing and who cares what anyone else thinks. It is your and your partners decision anyway!! I think it is MUCH better to have a baby when your in love and not married than have a baby when you are married and not in love and argue and fight all the time! You are bringing a new life into this world and into a family (married or not) that is happy and in love!! So anyone who has a rude opinion about it, tell them to mind their own business bc you are happy and they cant bring you down! I assume this is your first baby, I am pregnant with my second baby so just wait till that baby gets here! You wont care what anyone else thinks!! All that matters is you are healthy and happy and the baby is as well! You will be soo in love when you see his/her face for the first time!! Congrats! :)

I think that it is perfectly OK to have a baby out of wedlock! You both can be happy together for the rest of your life and never be married! Being married doesnt mean you'll be together for the rest of your lifes... my dad has been married 3 times. The peice of paper that says your married does have advantages, like taxes and every thing he owns is now yours, and easier to buy bigger things like a house or car.... but if you both have been together for 4 years, 3 more years and you can get those benifits anyways without actually getting married! If you and your BF are happy and are commited to each other then having a baby without getting married is just fine! Its your life! and as long as you are both happy and you both Love that baby unconditionally then I dont see anything wrong with it! I would tell all your coworkers that it really is none of there buiness and that you are happy and cand probably happier then most married couples! and that the baby will be raised with love!

I think all babies should be born in a healthy, happy family. I also think not all healthy, happy families are married couples. As long as you both are in it for the long haul with each other and your baby, I think you're in a good spot. Tell them to mind their own business.

Love! its 2012, having a child out of wedlock is not a big deal. People are always going to judge you and put in their comments and opinions, but as long as your happy who cares...

"When i fell pregnant and said im a bit uncomfortable not being married he replied with "i woud love to get down on my knee and ask you to marry me but i can't now because it looks like im just marrying you because your having my baby"

Not true. If he wanted to, he wouldn't care what other people thought. He also could have done it when you were discussing trying to have a baby before marriage. He didn't.

He has no reason to take the next step because you are already acting like his wife....so you made it easy on him. No chasing, no courting.....you gave him everything without the promise of commitment. How will it feel to have a different last name than your baby?

However, this does NOT mean it won't last and can't work. You two can still be together, and certainly love each other. It's just doing it without true commitment from him.

No not at all...all couples are different. You guys can always get married after the baby or when ever you all feel is the right time for you both. As long as you guys love each other that's all that matters! Who cares what anyone else thinks...it's what you guys think is best for your relationship. I feel as long as you all discuss it at some point of time and you know that marriage is the future it's okay. I wish the best for your pregnancy and relationship...hope I could help:)

So to originally answer my question yes there are going to be people who will have a problem with having a child out of wedlock. The person who wont identiify there username is one of them. I kinda wish i never asked this question because now i just feel like a peice of shit. So thanks

To answer one person's question why arn't we married..... He hasn't asked. When i fell pregnant and said im a bit uncomfortable not being married he replied with "i woud love to get down on my knee and ask you to marry me but i can't now because it looks like im just marrying you because your having my baby". We both didn't expect this to really happen this quickly. we honestly thought we would have to do IVF when i'm 25. So things just moved a little fast for him to get his bottom into gear i believe. I know we will get married i'd say next year.
Yes of course we live with each other. We have our own place and also two animals (Our first babies)
Most of our reasoning has been because i was told i most likely would be infertile and i've always wanted to have kids. So im really proud of him that he maned up and actually agreed to doing this as in a few more years i might not get that chance. Thanks for some of the lovely posts made me feel alot better