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Category: Labour & Delivery

Asked by hereistohoping

Q: Handling people in the room during "show time"

In a recent conversation with my mother-in-law she stated how she couldn't wait to be there when our baby boy is born. I told her, and have told my own mother the same thing, that I don't care who is in the room up until it is time to push, but once it is go time I want everyone out except my hubby. My mother-in-law told me I was being selfish and unfair and that I was taking a right away from her as a grandma. Am I wrong to want that private moment with just my husband and our first baby? We tried for so long to get pregnant and I feel like everything I want is selfish in her eyes. Thoughts and opinions?

This question was asked May. 12, 2015 5:54pm
Category: Labour & Delivery

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Answered by bubica - Jun. 9, 2015 8:28am
She is so selfish!!!
This is your deliver, your baby- she had her's!
Don't let her lead your life, or you are so screwed ... If you don't show her boundaries in the start, you are going to have so much problems later.
Trust me, I've been there.
My mil offered me help after baby comes, and I said thank you, I wont need help. But she came, uninvited! And then, when we told her 3 days later it is time to leave, she was shocked why didn't we tell her that before!!! And then she's started calling me 10 times a day, on every phone in the house, from different numbers if I haven't answer immediately. And I couldn't move from nursing on the bead! She's thought she could help me in my bedroom ...

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Answered by stickybean1976 - May. 14, 2015 11:50pm
I had my Mum etc there for my first as I was scared and not knowing what to expect even my step Dad. I think it's something you have to gage at the time as during labour you never know how bad it's gonna be or who your gonna want at your side. For my second it was only hubby and me it was so bad I wouldn't of had it any other way. We had a category 1 emergency Csection in the end. I think it's your body your choice and they need to do what you say your the one that has to go through it not them. Also if you choose to have your Mum. Mother n law needs to suck it up after all no matter how old you are. We all want and need our mums in time of need, pain and crisis. She needs to understand and accept that. Also for my second it was always important to us to have that bonding time and skin to skin time with no pass the parcel with the baby. That needs to be your bonding time. My family came up 3hrs after this birth 4 weeks ago. Good luck your choices. Stay firm !!!! Xx

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Answered by Mrs.Mom - May. 14, 2015 3:44pm
Like most have said, your nurse will look out for your interests. My mom never pushed to be in the room, but I think was disappointed in not being invited in. She was outside the room while I pushed peeking in lol The nurse gave her the boot! Don't let the MIL make you feel bad for your feelings. You have every right.

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Answered by KerriV2011 - May. 14, 2015 1:33pm
You are nicer than me! My mom and mother-in-law think they are going to be in the room the entire time. My husband and I have expressed many times nicely that when it comes time it will be just he and I to share this special moment of having our first kid. They are both insisting and saying they will be there any ways. After a short chat hubby and I have now decided that we are not even letting anyone know when we are going to the hospital. We will call them once baby is here since they cannot respect our wishes.

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Answered by Kitten90 - May. 14, 2015 12:02pm
SHE is being selfish and unfair, not you!
It is YOUR right to say who is or isn't going to be in there.

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Answered by Cattsmeow - May. 14, 2015 1:37am
Your baby, your body, your delivery. If you don't want her in there, then don't let her. I allowed family in the room during labor up until about an hour before go time. The nurses actually kicked everyone but my husband out at that point so I could rest.

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Answered by Bumpin4Baby - May. 13, 2015 2:24pm
My mother would drive me bat-shit crazy if she was in the delivery room.. She already knows not to ask this time. It is a special time for you, your hubby, and baby. It was a good 4 hours after my DD was born that I let anyone see her. That is bonding time..

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Answered by aubabylcd - May. 12, 2015 8:00pm
You have every right to choose what you want during game time. I didn't let anyone in the room except my husband during the 38 hours I was in the labor and delivery room and even then he went home for periods of time, so a good chuck of that time I was alone. I didn't even allow visitors after the baby was born except for my in-laws who visited once the day he was born. When it comes to you all deciding what's best for you don't think about how it affects everyone else. They'll be fine. Your MIL had her time to have a baby... this is your time now! Just do in your heart what you know you want the experience to be like. You have carried this baby for 9 months, not them ;) Or just don't tell anyone you are there and then tell them it was a really fast delivery ;)

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Answered by Starmomma14 - May. 12, 2015 7:16pm
Oh boy...I know what you are going through all too well. My MIL is a retired ob nurse so she thought she had the right to be in the room when it was time for my DD to be born. NOPE didn't happen...lol she got over it. I ended up having a C-section anyway so there really was nothing special to see :) She did come immediately after DD was born though and I was just coming out of recovery. It was almost midnight! I guess where I was trying to go with all of this is that it is YOUR body YOUR baby and ultimately YOUR decision. If she is hurt or upset, then that is her own problem and she needs to deal with it. If you don't stand up to her now, it will only get worse when the baby is born...trust me :( GL!

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Answered by rcorinne - May. 12, 2015 6:54pm
You could choose to have her never in the labor room, and that would be totally okay. It's your body not hers. You can have anyone kicked out you want. She has NO right to demand that she be there. Just be careful to explain who is allowed at delivery to your healthcare team, and they can be your "bouncers."

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