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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by PregNation

Q: Domestic violence during pregnancy...

I live with my boyfriend. He went through my laptop and found some riske stuff of me and my ex and a slide show I made for my ex where I use the same pet name I now call my boyfriend. I should have done a thorough deletion of my past but I guess I was sloppy. I think he had every right to be upset. He then started shouting at me and pushed me, I fell over the couch and hit the wall. He kept shaking me and even punched my shoulder. He had hid all the knives in the house in the oven? I am so confused. My father is in the army so I know if I tell my parents, he will be in serious trouble. Can I raise a child with such a person? If I took him back, who is to say it wont happen again. I feel ashamed like I'm dirty. What I want to know if a relationship can ever come back from a situation like this?

This question was asked Nov. 19, 2015 7:13am
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answered by 269pluto - Apr. 6, 2016 12:39am
He might be a genuinely nice person almost all the time. Many people that have had abusive outbursts are. He will be very, very sorry. He will assure you it will never happen again. He will be extra romantic and their will be a post-trauma honeymoon of sorts, but it will happen again. It could be years, it could be much less, now that he's crossed that line for the first time. But something will set him off and it will happen. I know you are probably out and this is months ago for you now. But I know it to be true and had to say it. On average, women go back to someone who has physically hurt them 7 times because of the apology/honeymoon period/sweetness that follows. I don't want you to be one of them. Feel free to update! Best wishes, girl.

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Answered by stickybean1976 - Nov. 20, 2015 7:31am
I was in an abusive relationship in my 20's. He use to beat me. But of course I loved him and stayed. I left the country to get away from him. He always said I'm sorry and that'll it'll never happen again, but it always did. I was frightened for my life. I'm now married to my husband of 10 years with 2 gorgeous girls and he treats me like a queen. You need to get out as others say. Do not go back, stay strong and get a protective order out against him. I know he will have some rights but keep him away from your baby as well. Protect yourself and your baby. He won't change no matter what he tells you. I hope you will get the support you need. You sound strong. Xx

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Answered by Mommybutterfly - Nov. 20, 2015 3:47am
Wow there's nothing to think about guys like that do not change they infact get worse so advising to go back after a break is dumb. She's doing a really good thing getting away for both herself and her baby.

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Answered by elleena86 - Nov. 20, 2015 3:32am
I think you shud stay separate for awhile to get things down... during that time let both of you think wisely and make a final decision whether to carry on or not.. what you can do is explain to him that your ex is past and im sorry that you had to see all that and let him know that the future is more important..

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Answered by Mommybutterfly - Nov. 19, 2015 11:37pm
That's good. I know a lot of women that aren't strong enough to go through all this. Really glad you're taking acting against him and his behavior. Going through that is scary.

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Answered by PregNation - Nov. 19, 2015 4:21pm
Mommybutterfly, Im seeing my parents tomorrow to make a report...

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Answered by PregNation - Nov. 19, 2015 4:20pm
Libelula264 and alirae33, thank you so much for your advice. I have packed all his things and Im seeing my sister today, and my parents tomorrow. Funny thing is its my birthday on Sunday? Was hoping it would be a truly happy one. But planning on a good cry tonight and stuffing my face with chocolate. Tomorrow will be a new day and I WILL get through this. Sucks though that it has to hurt so bad before it gets better...

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Answered by Mommybutterfly - Nov. 19, 2015 4:13pm
I've been in a marriage where my ex was extremely abusive I stayed long enough to save up money for a month then I left and never looked back. It'd be very very stupid to stay or go back to him. If he can hurt you at while you're pregnant then you shouldn't be with him. You need to call and report him and what happened.

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Answered by Libelula264 - Nov. 19, 2015 2:19pm
He did not have a right to be upset... As long as your ex is in the past, which it sounds like he is, old pictures shouldn't have any bearing on your new relationship. I agree with the other poster: You have to end it. You will never regret keeping yourself and your baby safe, but you would definitely regret staying with him if anything like this -- or worse -- happens again.

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Answered by alirae33 - Nov. 19, 2015 12:38pm
I know its really hard but you need to get out of that relationship now. it's hard when they are the father of your baby . But baby is number one now. You and your baby could be in danger you never know how far he will take it next time. I'm so sorry your in this situation. Your in my thoughts and prayers. Just remember there is never any good enough excuse to push and shove a pregnant woman yet alone any woman. If you ever need to talk message me

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