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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by EnhleNtombi

Q: I am 5months Preggies I live with my bf I left my job as its a high risk for health n depending on

He is now responsible for every expense, my problem is I feel he is distant he works 6 hours a day bt come home late every time he leaves for work, he goes to work at anytime as he doesn't report to anyone bt I feel he leaves for work jst to be away from me, we fight sumtymz n he is a fone n internet freak I hate it .we had a change agreement to change our numbers since we r 7months together n can fo with a fresh start I changed mine bt he hasn't its a week now I confronted him abt it n he promised to change. Could my instints b telling me the truth that this Guy cld not b ready for all the changes? Help

This question was asked Mar. 10, 2017 12:13am
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answered by andycooper5 - Aug. 19, 2017 11:05am
I would suggest that you find positive things to do with your day - meet with friends and perhaps join some classes where you could meet other mums-to-be? There are often pregnancy yoga, swimming, but really anything that gets you out and about would be good. Although he needs to make it clear that he supports you (and you perhaps need to say HOW you need him to support you beyond mere practical things), you need to be shifting your attention away from just him as he is probably feeling the pressure and it's adding to the weird dynamic. You can be thinking all wrong because you are alone and have nothing to do. You can start a work from home job to get involved in any activity and also a little bit of money. But your last resort lies is confronting him.


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Answered by andycooper5 - Aug. 19, 2017 11:02am
Hi dear.
Your situation has a lot of different point views to be seen through. Both positive and negative. Although any or every point of view can be only justified after you confront him, you have to relax and keep your calm. Being pregnant you have everything on risk. Clearly, your emotional and perhaps physical needs are higher due to your pregnancy and the fact that you are not working. He may well be struggling to make adjustments to this new situation and so far is stepping up in the only way he knows how: by being the breadwinner. First of all, I would ask if you could have that with no phones or devices and check with how he is feeling about being the only one working and what he feels he will need to do during the last stage of your pregnancy, labor, the birth and afterward. You need to know that you are on the same page. I felt a bit like my OH wouldn't step up and do what was needed, but some things have helped

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Answered by Mammoth - Mar. 12, 2017 10:13am
And finally: Not sure why you would request him to change his phone number unless you are worried about him being unfaithful? There needs to be trust in a relationship. Surely he needs the support of his friends and family more than ever now with his new responsibilities. I think it must be hard if you have only been together for 2 months before becoming pregnant. It's a new relationship for you both and things have stepped up very quickly. You are still getting to know one another and building trust. Tread carefully, but do keep talking to him about both of your needs and your new responsibilities. Good luck.

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Answered by Mammoth - Mar. 12, 2017 10:00am
Can I also suggest that you find positive things to do with your day - meet with friends and perhaps join some classes where you could meet other mums-to-be? There are often pregnancy yoga, swimming, but really anything that gets you out and about would be good. Although he needs to make it clear that he supports you (and you perhaps need to say HOW you need him to support you beyond mere practical things), you need to be shifting your attention away from just him as he is probably feeling the pressure and it's adding to the weird dynamic.

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Answered by Mammoth - Mar. 12, 2017 9:55am
Wow, lots here. Clearly, your emotional and perhaps physical needs are higher due to your pregnancy and the fact that you are not working. He may well be struggling to make adjustments to this new situation and so far is stepping up in the only way he knows how: by being the breadwinner. First of all, I would ask if you could have chat with no phones or devices and check with how he is feeling about being the only one working and what he feels he will need to do during the last stage of your pregnancy, labour, the birth and afterwards. You need to know that you are on the same page. I felt a bit like my OH wouldn't step up and do what was needed, but some things have helped: 1) going to hypnobirthing together 2) going to antenatal classes together 3) a book called The Expectant Dad's Handbook. I now feel that we have a better understanding of one another, deeper trust and we're on the same page.

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