Fear

Posted on July 14th, 2011. Written by .

July 18th is right around the corner.  It’s the day of my first ultrasound and I’m going to put it out there, I’m nervous.

After my miscarriage this past fall, I have been so scared of every little thing that has happened.

Is that pain normal?

Is that stretching cramping or miscarriage cramping or just gas?

Wait.  What’s that?

I try to remind myself daily to be calm and to think positively.  As my yoga instructor use to say “breath positive energy into the part of your body that you are feeling the stress.”   (How exactly is that done by the way?) But at the end of the day I’m still anxious about what is happening.

My doctor told us our chances of miscarriage again were pretty low but I know it can happen.  Though I have felt the wonderful (horrible) signs of a healthy pregnancy and my 3 best girl friends that know all say its a great sign of a healthy pregnancy.  However I still have a fear that on Monday, we won’t hear the heartbeat.

I know a part of me is crazy and playing into my crazed emotions right now.  And, I’m positive that all moms to be have this fear.  And I know the only thing that will make me feel better is seeing that little lima bean on the screen with a fluttering little heartbeat.

Until Monday, I’ll be sitting, not so patiently waiting for my appointment.

P.S.  Did I tell you twins run strongly in both my husbands and my families?  His brother has a set and two of my cousins have them.  We’re curious if its one or two in there…. :)  My doctor is excited about the prospect.

P.P.S. My boss pointed out today that I’m ever so slightly showing… I’M ONLY 7.5 weeks…maybe I’m just bloated???

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 14th, 2011 at 12:46 pm and is filed under Maternity Confessions.
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About the Author:

I'm a southern twenty-something wife of four years that is looking forward to the adventure of motherhood. Prepare to listen to my rants and raves of pregnancy. Though I may complain on the regular I am very excited about what is happening! Comments are always welcome and I hope you enjoy my ridiculous confessions!

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