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How do I get family to respect my wishes for the labor/deliv

Category: Due Date Clubs - December
Posted by ladiomi » Nov. 5, 2014 3:15am

I'm due in 1 month with my first child. It is the first grandchild for both my parents and my husbands parents. I DO NOT want anyone buy my husband in the room with me during labor and delivery, and I DO NOT want anyone even waiting at the hospital. I want the time to myself. I don't want/need anyone barging in until I am ready. I want the time to bond, and to try to nurse my baby for the first time without my parents or in-laws being there. This is about me, and yes some might consider me selfish. But I really don't care. My family completely understands and but some still are not respecting my wishes. My MIL, however, says she doesn't care, she's going to be there waiting. My husband keeps saying he's not sure things can or will work the way I want them to because he too is being disrespectful of my wishes going behind my back telling people he will call them when it happens and will take pictures and video during which I do not want.

How do I get them to understand what I want and NEED? I'm feeling very disrespected by her and I'm starting to get angry about it. I honestly would even consider delivering at another hospital just because of this or having myself listed under an alias. (I don't want to, I like where I plan on going, but I would...just to maintain my privacy).

Not to mention I have been so disrespected during my pregnancy by his family I had one of his cousins just lift up my shirt to see my stomach without asking me, his aunt actually spanked my stomach and countless people touching my stomach without asking me. At the baby shower for his family they thought it was ok to ignore my requests not to play games and not to make one of those silly shower hats out of the gifts. Meanwhile the sat around verbally making fun of how big my baby will be and how big his head looked in my 3d ultrasounds. Okay so I'm still passed pissed at all of this...

Posts: 1

Replies (1)

Reply by Summertime » Feb. 18, 2015 11:20am

I too am having my first child this summer and it is also the first grandchild on both sides of the family. I am dealing with the exact same thing but my husband is being supportive though and I couldn't ask for anyone better to be by my side. You have every right to feel the way you do and you gave your man a child, and all parents the right to say "I'm a Grandparent" so you owe nothing to anyone. You will never forget what happened and who was there for you and who wasn't. They should respect you alone for what you have done for them, it isn't easy. The nurses are your best bet to pay attention to, their job is you, not your family and not even your husband. And that's how you should treat it as well. You definitely need to react to this how you feel because after all, your mom, you gave birth to a beautiful baby and truthfully you didn't have to... you didn't have to let them in on anything, not even your man! If your man couldn't respect what you wanted, you could've communicated to the doctor that your husband needs to stay in the lobby during appointments, he/she would have not had a problem with that. And the same goes for the hospital, if you didn't want visitors, not even your husband can stop you from having that. Yes, the family might have show up but they wouldn't have been allowed in your room if you had told the nurses you didn't want company regardless of what your husband wanted. Their job is you, and the more people that are there, is more people in their way from getting to focus on you and your baby. I'm not sure what your decision was or how things went but if your still upset you won't be able to forgive and let go until you put your foot down with both families, not just his.. Your husband sounds like he's scared of disappointing mommy and daddy and has clearly chosen what they want over what you want and you see that alot out of guys who aren't fully grown up yet. Once you get with a woman, what she wants should matter more and if it upsets her, don't do it! I'm sorry that you had to deal with this and your experience didn't go better but next time, if you have more kids, maybe consider going alone or having kids with a different man!! Good Luck and my best wishes to you, your family and your little one!

Posts: 7