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IVF or surrogacy?

Category: Special - Pregnancy Complications & Testing
Posted by kajal1 » Sep. 26, 2017 4:06am

Hello from a first time poster.
I’m 46-year-old-woman who underwent three fresh IVF cycles with OE and DE but the results are still negative. My chances are really miserable as I’ve never seen BFP. All hopes for bearing my own children are destroyed. My DH supports me and believes we will raise a wonderful kid of ours but I can’t hope it would be like that. The only thing I want is another 2WW with BFP.

I heard it’s possible to move to surrogacy, but girls, is it alright to know that your child was born not by you? I mean, are there any differences in your own attitude towards a child?

Posts: 3

Replies (14)

Reply by Isabelmason » Oct. 17, 2017 8:31pm

Hey Kajal. This is Isabel. I live in Canada. I had ovarian cancer in my early ages. And got my ovaries removed. But most of my fellow friends who also had the same issue went for surrogacy. And had positive results. I would recommend you to go towards surrogacy. As it has the effectiveness of more than 80%. I am also 40+ years old, and I’m also planning to get surrogacy treatment. I have a clinic in sight. My friends told me that this clinic is the best. You should also do some research and go for surrogacy. I wish you good luck for your future.

Posts: 9

Reply by ygaturrass » Nov. 5, 2017 5:39am

Oh dear. I feel so upset for you. You have tried your best to get pregnant but it seems that nothing has worked until now. I want to tell you that you are not alone in this and you have to be brave enough to face all the difficulties. Failing IVF is not the end of your life. There is still a lot left for you. You are absolutely right about surrogacy. It is the best way for an infertile woman to have her own baby and so can you. It is a totally safe process and it is also not that much expensive. My friend went for surrogacy 2 years back and now she has a one-year-old baby girl. Don’t waste more time because you don’t want to be an old mama. Just make the decision soon and everything will be alright.

Posts: 7

Reply by jenn945 » Feb. 3, 2018 4:43pm

hey!! I am so sorry to hear your situation, It is all natural and with Gods will.Nobody has any hand in doing so to other person but luckily the technology has been so vast and to deal with problems like yours surrogacy is one of the best way out.My friend had the same problem but now she is happy in her life with two beautiful daughters all because of this technique.Many clinics all around the world have the facilities according to your desire.They allow you to have your own sperm (of your partners) and the other partner could be a donor as well as a surrogate only.Your problems are resolved by them very easily and they charge you with reasonable costs.My friend couldn't be happier in her life as she is now and recommends the same to others too.Your health may not be as good but you could enjoy the greatest gift of life with such procedures and your concern is very much removed from having your partner as the true biological father.Best of luck!

Posts: 17

Reply by CherylMcMillan » Feb. 12, 2018 3:14am

Hey Kajal! I am so sorry for your struggle. It takes a lot of hard work to become a mother. So you have tried everything and even IVF is not working for you too. Surrogacy is a great option for you. There are no differences in your attitude towards the child. Good luck! Much Love!

Posts: 4

Reply by RihanaSam » Feb. 14, 2018 6:42pm

Hello Kajal!
i feel so upset for you. but don't you lose hope.
Today every problem has some solution. surrogacy is not a main issue now adays most of the people go for it for different aspects.
As like now all your hopes are vanished but still you can have children no matter of your own or from someone's other womb.
Surrogacy is the best solution for you in your current condition and thirst of having children. Your behaviour toward the child can not be effected by any other thing unless you treat and think of a child as your own.
Neglect the negative thoughts from your mind and go for surrogacy.
I also planned to go for surrogacy and have a clinic in my mind after a number of research. You should also research about each aspect of surrogacy and go for it.
Many best wishes in advance.

Posts: 47

Reply by CandyGarett » Feb. 15, 2018 2:49pm

Hey there. Hope that you're doing good. You must be going through a really hard time. Getting all the tests negative again and again can be disappointing and heartbreaking too, at the same time. And it becomes more difficult if a person is going through an assisted process. It feels like you're wasting time and money at the same time. It's so good that your husband supports you. Yes, you're right, you can go towards surrogacy. Well, there are many misconceptions about the process. I actually experienced it myself. I heard a lot about this but had never seen any success stories. We actually went for surrogacy in Ukraine. I had a successful surrogacy and I'm blessed with a baby girl. After the whole visit, my views towards surrogacy were completely changed. The fear you're talking about here that the child is not born by you, I saw that in most of the women there. Actually, it's kind of a complex or you can call it nervousness. But as soon as you get the baby, everything seems perfect then. Everyone wants to have a family. You're yourself longing for a child for years. I don't think then you would have any differences in your attitude towards your baby. I think every couple, facing infertility, should go for this. The perfect thing about the clinic was we didn't need to search for a surrogate or go to every other clinic for that. Moreover, the hygiene and everything there was so good (better than the clinics in India). So I hope that this helps you. Best of luck!

Posts: 5

Reply by Hannahh123 » 25 weeks ago

I am sorry to hear about your failed cycles. I can understand how difficult it must have been for you. However, I am glad that you haven't given up. Surrogacy is a great procedure. However, for the process, there are a few things that matter. Therefore, when you do decide to move forward with it just make sure the clinic you are choosing is experienced in it. Secondly research on the process as well. This will prepare you mentally as well. The process is unfortunately still not legal in many countries, therefore, research matters. A friend of mine is in the middle of the process so far things are going really well for her. she gives the credit to it to the clinic. The clinic she visited is the one I am visiting on her recommendation. I am hoping that things work for us. If you want the information on the clinic I can provide you with that. Sending baby dust your way.

Posts: 249

Reply by saramccartney123 » 20 weeks ago

Yes, it is completely okay. I felt this way too. But I developed this amazing connection with my son after he was born. Someone else giving birth to him didn't really matter. So this should be the least of your concerns. I hope this was helpful. Good luck.

Posts: 89

Reply by Hannahh123 » 17 weeks ago

I dont think there is any difference. In surrogacy, the kid is genetically connected to you. Therefore, everything is the same. It's just that the embryo is grown inside a surrogate. I hope things go well for you. For the process make sure to visit the right clinic. For procedures like these things like these matter a lot. Good luck to you.

Posts: 249

Reply by saramccartney123 » 17 weeks ago

Surrogacy is a good option too. But people usually prefer giving birth to their own baby. And that was my first priority too. But unfortunately, that wasn't possible for me. So I had to go with surrogacy. If you think IVF has good chances of working for you, then I'd suggest going for it. Good luck.

Posts: 89

Reply by Hannahh123 » 15 weeks ago

I am sorry to know about your failed cycles. For your surrogacy, I would recommend that you visit a clinic that is experienced I the process. The high the success rate of the clinic the better it is. The clinic I am visiting currently really helped me understand that. They are doing an amazing job! The major reason for that is experience and knowledge. I am really hoping for the best. Good luck to you!

Posts: 249

Reply by pagerelvy33 » 9 weeks ago

surrogacy is a pretty decent option. a bit of a pricey one. but it is still worth it. especially if you decide to go for surrogacy abroad. many women do it. and I was surprised when I found out about it. I for sure thought that this route was not for me. just because I knew how much it costs in the US. unbelievable overpriced. and if choosing an altruistic one... there are too many risks to it. honestly.
this is why we flew to Ukraine. Europe has a lot to offer. There is Georgia, Greece... Russia. I do not remember exactly as it was long enough ago. But Ukraine seemed to be the most popular destination. And we went for it. messaged a few clinics and agencies. And signed with the most suitable one for us. we signed with WCOB agency.
If you choose surrogacy, I recommend this one. here is their website - https://www.worldcenterofbaby.com
Going abroad is fine. The agency is going to be taking care of all of the legal stuff once the baby arrives. Before that the SM is under their full supervision and support. And it is what matters the most. We pay them for taking care of everything.
We love that we can have time to learn new skills. Skills that new parents have to have for the newborn to be taken care of professionally. haha. We are slowly becoming professional parents.

Posts: 50

Reply by Hannahh123 » 8 weeks ago

I hope things work out for you. I would suggest you visit a good clinic for the process. Make sure the clinic is experienced and knows how to carry the process out. This is something that really matters and shouldn't be ignored. Good luck to you. If you want more help just reply to this. Sending baby dust your way.

Posts: 249

Reply by pagerelvy33 » 7 weeks ago

Wanted to add to the previous comment. there has been posted a list of the questions you should ask your clinic. I am unable to retrieve it for now. but you should definitely try and compose one yourself. just go for it, spend some time researching and coming up with questions you are definitely interested in. and see for yourself if the communication itself is good. because some clinics fail even on this level.

Posts: 50