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Angela18's Pregnancy
My Due Date: September 12, 2020I have given birth!
Age: 42 years old
Location: United States
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End of pregnancy craziness
By Angela18 » Posted Oct. 28, 2018 1:53pm - 370 views - 5 comments
I guess I just needed to vent since I feel as though I’m losing my mind at times and I’m assuming it’s a surge of hormones at the end (hopefully) and not me really going nuts! I’m very anxious here at the end, for a bunch of reasons: A. My kids aren’t letting me sleep. I’ve tried holding it together for a while and I think it’s just catching up with me and I’m burning out. My 4 year old on the spectrum is having fears, we believe, and does not want to sleep in his room. He freaks out. But due to communication issues he can’t tell us what’s up so I have to feel my way through what I believe is going on. He passes out but when we slip him in his room he freaks. He wakes up about 1/2 am and gets in our bed, if we let him sleep in the living room. I’ll give him melatonin sometimes at that point and he still won’t fall asleep at times. This week he’s gone in our room he at least sleeps. I figure he needs that comfort since he’s never been one to ask and is weird about it. He still can’t even say, “I love you.” My 20 month old will still get up to nurse about half of the week, my 9 year old is also not sleeping well, which contributes to crazies during our school day and it doesn’t help that tossing and turning, peeing, etc already intrudes into my rest. So naps are also not allowed at my house. If you watch the third Shrek where babies are climbing all over getting into everything, that’s kind of what it’s like. My parents agree! So I guess this mixed in with the thought of a newborn is a little scary right now, lol. Plus just labor/delivery. My third I bled a lot, I think I did my last but hubby was not there so I couldn’t get a blow by blow on what was going on. I always tear and I’m scared to death that my uterus is gonna fall out or something because of my prolapse. It’s not crazy bad, but it gets worse each time and I’ve just now learned that I need to exercise it more than I was. I’m just not hopeful it’s gonna help much. And until we move, there’s no one within two hours to help. I’d do surgery but they say not to if you might have more children. And yes we are just that crazy and I’m finally comfortable with our decision over it and not ashamed to admit it anymore. I’m about too old for many more anyway so we are gonna just go for it. I’ve enjoyed the full house, even though our situation is so challenging. Life was not meant to be easy and besides, it’s all temporary. So, I’m freaking over going into labor, my 20 month old doesn’t like to share me with anyone so this should be “fun” for me. I’m good about pain, but I’m more concerned about the damage that will be done after. Do perennial massages help after already tearing 4 times previously?
On top of this we are suppose to move across country soon, within a couple months...Iowa. Never lived where it snows like that. I’m a Southern girl, flip flops are glued to my feet, this will be tough for me! I’ll be wearing lots of footy pajamas. My whole family will need a new wardrobe and we aren’t gonna find the clothes here, that’s for sure. It’s like the threshold of hell where I live!
So I’m just looking for some comfort...I’ve been losing my temper quick, then I get that empty feeling and cry. I’m a mess right now. Hope it doesn’t carry on after delivery. I need to be tough right now, not falling apart!
My Journal
End of pregnancy craziness
By Angela18 » Posted Oct. 28, 2018 1:53pm - 370 views - 5 comments
I guess I just needed to vent since I feel as though I’m losing my mind at times and I’m assuming it’s a surge of hormones at the end (hopefully) and not me really going nuts! I’m very anxious here at the end, for a bunch of reasons: A. My kids aren’t letting me sleep. I’ve tried holding it together for a while and I think it’s just catching up with me and I’m burning out. My 4 year old on the spectrum is having fears, we believe, and does not want to sleep in his room. He freaks out. But due to communication issues he can’t tell us what’s up so I have to feel my way through what I believe is going on. He passes out but when we slip him in his room he freaks. He wakes up about 1/2 am and gets in our bed, if we let him sleep in the living room. I’ll give him melatonin sometimes at that point and he still won’t fall asleep at times. This week he’s gone in our room he at least sleeps. I figure he needs that comfort since he’s never been one to ask and is weird about it. He still can’t even say, “I love you.” My 20 month old will still get up to nurse about half of the week, my 9 year old is also not sleeping well, which contributes to crazies during our school day and it doesn’t help that tossing and turning, peeing, etc already intrudes into my rest. So naps are also not allowed at my house. If you watch the third Shrek where babies are climbing all over getting into everything, that’s kind of what it’s like. My parents agree! So I guess this mixed in with the thought of a newborn is a little scary right now, lol. Plus just labor/delivery. My third I bled a lot, I think I did my last but hubby was not there so I couldn’t get a blow by blow on what was going on. I always tear and I’m scared to death that my uterus is gonna fall out or something because of my prolapse. It’s not crazy bad, but it gets worse each time and I’ve just now learned that I need to exercise it more than I was. I’m just not hopeful it’s gonna help much. And until we move, there’s no one within two hours to help. I’d do surgery but they say not to if you might have more children. And yes we are just that crazy and I’m finally comfortable with our decision over it and not ashamed to admit it anymore. I’m about too old for many more anyway so we are gonna just go for it. I’ve enjoyed the full house, even though our situation is so challenging. Life was not meant to be easy and besides, it’s all temporary. So, I’m freaking over going into labor, my 20 month old doesn’t like to share me with anyone so this should be “fun” for me. I’m good about pain, but I’m more concerned about the damage that will be done after. Do perennial massages help after already tearing 4 times previously?
On top of this we are suppose to move across country soon, within a couple months...Iowa. Never lived where it snows like that. I’m a Southern girl, flip flops are glued to my feet, this will be tough for me! I’ll be wearing lots of footy pajamas. My whole family will need a new wardrobe and we aren’t gonna find the clothes here, that’s for sure. It’s like the threshold of hell where I live!
So I’m just looking for some comfort...I’ve been losing my temper quick, then I get that empty feeling and cry. I’m a mess right now. Hope it doesn’t carry on after delivery. I need to be tough right now, not falling apart!
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from Angela18 » Posted Nov. 2, 2018 10:31am I’ll look into that for sure, thanks for the tip! Luckily my parents are coming today to give me some support but if she doesn’t come this weekend I’m gonna lmao. Last time she came so quick they got here too late. They both work so if she doesn’t show they gotta head back home. I’m beginning to be looked at like a bomb about to go off. |
 | Comment from dakotagurrl » Posted Nov. 1, 2018 3:00pm I'm mentally hugging u! Ur gonna do great and everything's gonna be just fine. Try not worry so much! =)) Can u order clothes online? It's easier than trying to find a store etc. Old Navy/Gap has some decent/decently priced stuff and u can shop for a colder climate. |
| Comment from Angela18 » Posted Oct. 30, 2018 1:32am Thanks guys! FlamingoGirl, thanks for the kind words. Actually this move is taking us farther from family, so they aren’t gonna be too happy when we break the news. And my mom is like my BF and I talk with her everyday so this will sting a bit. Calvingirl, yes, I am noticing that it’s helping him to get that closeness at night, and yes, my kids are very sensitive to others as well so, I’m fine doing it for a bit, although he urinated on my hubby last night (and our before) lol, oh well. And I agree about ignoring the nurses and I already planned to. They won’t even let you inhale and they scream at you to push. My first the doc unnecessarily cut me, and then he had to actually catch my baby. I always am quick to push them out so I don’t see why they can’t work with me a little. Otherwise, I think it would be cool if you had another surprise LO! You just never know....xo |
| Comment from calvingirl » Posted Oct. 29, 2018 5:43pm Sounds like you are having a rough week, and the lack of sleep is not helping. It'll get better. Worry about you and the baby for the next couple of weeks and take things as they come. Nothing wrong with letting 4 yr old sleep where he can sleep for now. He's probably sensing all the changes and hormones in the air - autistic children can be very empathetic (I have two high functioning ASD teens). I bet the perineal massage can help, and just remember when you're pushing to freaking ignore those stupid nurses and breathe baby out...nice and slow. You're going to do great! And I'm where you are on the kids thing. I have a house of 5, about 7 wks from adding a 6th, and 43 - Last time it took me 3 yrs of active infertility treatment to get pregnant again. I figure I'm just going to not prevent, because hey - why not? I hate BC and babies are wonderful. Chances are this is my last anyway, just biology wise. |
 | Comment from FlamingoGirl13 » Posted Oct. 29, 2018 2:56pm Oh Angela! Maybe the new baby will bring some calmness to your household for a little while. If not then you at least have a big crazy family that loves each other and is there for each other. It sounds like your move will put you closer to family or friends? That could be a great help in the long run. As for fears of labor, remember you have done this multiple times before and come out just find. You can do it again! You are getting so close and I hope this anxiety is just hormons and calms down for you. I'll be thinking of you this week. <3 <3 |
