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BabyBiggles's Pregnancy
My Due Date: February 13, 2022I am postpartum » My due date was more than 2 weeks ago
Age: 36 years old
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Middle of the night thoughts on gender
By BabyBiggles » Posted Sep. 22, 2018 3:34am - 318 views - 2 comments
Its 4.30am, ive been wide awake for two hours so basically thinking that writing it all down might get it out of my head and let me sleep!
I'll start by saying the most important thing, baby is healthy. He is growing well, moving all around and absolutely perfect. And he is a he! Honestly i was expecting a girl. And if im being even more honest i was hoping for a girl. Ive got two amazing boys, we're planning for number three to be our last so yes, i was hoping for the experience of raising a daughter in my life. I know thats selfish and so ungrateful, we are so lucky to be blessed with three healthy boys thats more than lots of people have and how dare i think anything different. So i hated myself for it but i did get upset.
Not about the fact of this wee boy on the way. I already love him, i love the idea of three boys, its going to be so much fun and in a way another boy will fit better into our family, itll be nice for my middle boy i think especially. I thought of his name the moment i saw him on the scan today and it just feels so right that hes going to complete our little family.
But...but. Its a different thing accepting that i'll never have a daughter. Boys are great, theres so much to love, but i suppose im thinking of when theyre teenagers and adults. When its not cool to be a mummy's boy. When theyll want to go out for a point just the menfolk. When i'll watch a woman i dont yet know trying on wedding dresses or falling pregnant and carrying my grandchildren, women who will probably have their own mothers to share it with. I do feel like i'll be missing out on something.
But really, i dont know what the future will bring. I might get amazing daughters in law who invite me to be just as involved. I might get granddaughters. I might even have a girl one day, its not the plan but neither was this wee miracle so, never say never. I guess i just wanted to get it all out and say, this is good. Yes i was upset at first but i know there is no reason to be. Im so so lucky to have this perfect wee boy on the way, no one could ask for more.
My Journal
Middle of the night thoughts on gender
By BabyBiggles » Posted Sep. 22, 2018 3:34am - 318 views - 2 comments
Its 4.30am, ive been wide awake for two hours so basically thinking that writing it all down might get it out of my head and let me sleep!
I'll start by saying the most important thing, baby is healthy. He is growing well, moving all around and absolutely perfect. And he is a he! Honestly i was expecting a girl. And if im being even more honest i was hoping for a girl. Ive got two amazing boys, we're planning for number three to be our last so yes, i was hoping for the experience of raising a daughter in my life. I know thats selfish and so ungrateful, we are so lucky to be blessed with three healthy boys thats more than lots of people have and how dare i think anything different. So i hated myself for it but i did get upset.
Not about the fact of this wee boy on the way. I already love him, i love the idea of three boys, its going to be so much fun and in a way another boy will fit better into our family, itll be nice for my middle boy i think especially. I thought of his name the moment i saw him on the scan today and it just feels so right that hes going to complete our little family.
But...but. Its a different thing accepting that i'll never have a daughter. Boys are great, theres so much to love, but i suppose im thinking of when theyre teenagers and adults. When its not cool to be a mummy's boy. When theyll want to go out for a point just the menfolk. When i'll watch a woman i dont yet know trying on wedding dresses or falling pregnant and carrying my grandchildren, women who will probably have their own mothers to share it with. I do feel like i'll be missing out on something.
But really, i dont know what the future will bring. I might get amazing daughters in law who invite me to be just as involved. I might get granddaughters. I might even have a girl one day, its not the plan but neither was this wee miracle so, never say never. I guess i just wanted to get it all out and say, this is good. Yes i was upset at first but i know there is no reason to be. Im so so lucky to have this perfect wee boy on the way, no one could ask for more.
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from BabyBiggles » Posted Oct. 21, 2018 9:32am Thanks calvingirl. Its true that I can have good relationships with my boys and I realise that imagining what our future will be like based purely on gender in the womb is the very definition of gender stereotyping which I really try to steer away from! I'm very excited about having three boys and so close together in ages, it's going to be so hectic but so amazing! |
| Comment from calvingirl » Posted Sep. 27, 2018 6:16pm Gender disappointment is very real, and there is a part of you that will grieve that experience, so don't beat yourself up over it. Doesn't mean you'll love this little guy any less. I've had one living son who is now 21, helped raise 3 stepsons who are in various stages of teenagerhood now, and helped raise my little brother who was my son's same age. I can tell you now that some of them are grown...they need their mom even more than ever! I think boys are wonderful, loving, needy sometimes, and protective with their moms/female role models in their lives. I have one stepdaughter who I'm not close with and I'm pregnant with my first daughter - and I'm terrified. I like the idea of bows and dance classes, but wow. From what I've seen, it's a very different relationship, very contentious as they get older. I'm happy I'll get this experience, but I'd have been just as happy with another loving mama's boy. :) |
