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Why do I feel so guilty?
By Kate0406 » Posted Feb. 5, 2016 9:28pm - 381 views - 5 comments

I've decided to stop pumping and just use formula. My son will be two weeks tomorrow and has been on mostly breast milk. The thing is I've been taking a pill to help me produce more breast milk but the side effects can be very bad. So I've decided to stop taking the pill because the risks out weigh the good. Not to mention one side effect is depression and I'm not sure if it was just my hormones changing from having my son or what but I started having symptoms of depression. So since stopping the pill I've noticed my milk supply reducing. Just like my son Jack same thing happen around the second week and by the third my milk was gone. I stressed so bad trying everything to keep my milk going but finally gave up. Now that I'm having those signs with Jace I decided to stop pumping. My boobs are killing me now though and of course I have those guilty feelings like I'm doing something wrong. Not to mention taking care of all three kids by myself plus having to find time to pump has proven over whelming. There is a lot going into this choice to stop. No, I can't actually breast feed. So I've always got to take the extra step to get breast milk. I just feel like a failure. I'm trying to remind myself why I've decided to stop. My mind keeps saying..it isn't too late. Pump before your milk completely drys up! Seriously, it will on it's own anyway. I don't feel like being stressed this time around. I'd rather end it on my own terms instead of my body making that choice for me. Life with PCOS can suck. I believe that is the reason my milk supply has always failed.

Comments for this Journal Entry

	Comment from Kate0406 » Posted Feb. 7, 2016 11:55pm Thanks everyone.
	Comment from Amanda_McDaniel » Posted Feb. 7, 2016 2:23pm I'm beginning to see that more women struggle than don't. I made it to four months doing everything I could, pumping and feeding almost constantly, and my supply dried up almost literally overnight. And I had still been having to supplement because my boy wasn't getting enough. Don't feel guilty. You tried, you took extra steps, and you wanted to do what you could. That's what matters most.
	Comment from MalPal85 » Posted Feb. 7, 2016 1:29pm Don't feel guilty! I felt guilty in the beginning too but in the end formula had proven to be a better route for us as well and everyone is happy! You're doing great momma!
	Comment from Kate0406 » Posted Feb. 6, 2016 9:57pm Yes. The 45 minutes I'm pumping I'd rather be sleeping!
	Comment from pbc910 » Posted Feb. 6, 2016 9:10pm Don't feel guilty. It sucks! I wanted nothing more than to nurse my babies but we got off to a bad start and I just couldn't pump every 2 or so hours, take care of both of them, and sleep. I honestly chose sleep over breastmilk in the end. I think I have my thyroid partly to blame (never knew that could affect supply). I'm still feeling shitty about giving up but my babies are growing like crazy and it is what it is. Sometimes you do what you can until you have to try something else.