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Joined Feb. 15, 2015 11:04am

Kate0406's Pregnancy

My Due Date: February 4, 2016
I have given birth!
Age: 36 years old

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Miscarriage/postpartum depression.
By Kate0406 » Posted Feb. 27, 2016 1:16am - 358 views - 2 comments

Yesterday would mark a year since I've had my miscarriage. As much as I was sad then I do still feel a bit of hurt. Not as much now, that I have Jace. During the time of my loss I felt like I needed to get through it by myself and only a selected few knew. Now I'm a little more open about it. Since having Jace he has healed my heart a bit. He will never replace what could have been but i must remember if I wouldn't have had my loss I wouldn't have him. He was named Jace because of the miscarriage. His name means "The healing." It suits him well. I'm not sure if people who have gone through a pregnancy loss ever recover completely from it but I have to believe God has a plan for everything.

Unfortunately, the last couple months I haven't felt quite right. I think I'm finally ready to come to terms and admit that I have some sort of postpartum depression. No, I don't feel like harming myself or my kids. I just feel like I'm in a funk that I can't seem to get out of. I can feel when it lifts because I feel this over whelming joy and love for my kids and for life itself. But quickly it comes back and I feel like I'm overwhelmed and trapped. Like a weight has been put on me and I'm numbed emotionally. Good thing i'm going to my final check up with my OB I plan on talking to her. I'm not taking meds though, I don't need to numb my feelings anymore than they are. I'd rather find another way to work through this. Maybe just talking about it will help. I pray that soon my mind will be healthy again and I can fully enjoy my life. I usually endure things privately and work through things on my own but I'm truly in unknown territory. Any suggestions or pointers are welcome. Prayers of course are appreciated too. I know I will get through this.. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

I must add that Jace is doing wonderful. Almost 5 weeks old and smiling. Which he started at 3 weeks. I've never seen such a thing since normal smiling starts at two-three months. This is a picture of him at 4 weeks.

Comments for this Journal Entry

Comment from hayleycynthia » Posted Feb. 28, 2016 1:29pm
I had really bad postpartum depression with my first. It really affected how well I was able to bond with her. I really regret not taking the med sooner... They didn't numb me, just made me feel normal, like myself. I am a better mother and wife for having taken them. I hope you feel better soon

Comment from RedBetty » Posted Feb. 27, 2016 3:17am
Congratulations on your baby, he is so darling! I'm sorry you are having the end, I had it too and it lifted by itself after a while, no meds. I found out that getting out of the house helped me a lot as I felt worse being stuck at home. I really do hope you feel better soon. X


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