Questions & Answers

they told me that i can add father if we get married by filling in back of birth certificate and having it notarized and then contact s.s.c. and b.c. place to get new cards with new last name...my son who is from different father has no name listed on his b.c. except mine also so i can add future husband to his b.c. also

Each state is different but it is a lot harder in most states to change the name of a child than it is to change yours when you get married. To change your name, all you need is your marriage certificate to change your social security card and then the social security card with the new name to change everything else. To change a child's name, most states require a court action and it be signed off on by a judge which could end up costing you some money to hire a private attorney to draw up the paperwork. It is NOT the same thing as changing your last name as when you get married. Also- I don't know how long you plan on waiting before you get married but if it is several years.. it would be extremely confusing for a child to learn their name as being one thing only to have to relearn a different last name. I am a social worker and also work with adoptions so I know first hand how difficult it can be for a small child. Just wanted to give you somethings to consider. :)

both my children have my last name and my mans family told him the same thing. so much to the point where he packed up and left us for awhile...we r going to couples counseling

My then fiance and I were 24 when we had our son. In our minds, there was no possibility that we wouldn't get married so we went ahead and gave our son my now-husband's last name. In my eyes, it was easier to just have to change mine when we got married than to change mine and our son's. It was a headache enough to have the hospital have him as my husband's last name for a few days. Everything was under my last name then we had to follow up with the hospital and his pediatrician's office to change it to my husband's. I can't imagine what all would be included in having to change a baby's last name...I'm sure not as much as it took to do with mine, but it was just our preference to use my husband's.

Hope this helps.

My then fiance and I were 24 when we had our son. In our minds, there was no possibility that we wouldn't get married so we went ahead and gave our son my now-husband's last name. In my eyes, it was easier to just have to change mine when we got married than to change mine and our son's. It was a headache enough to have the hospital have him as my husband's last name for a few days. Everything was under my last name then we had to follow up with the hospital and his pediatrician's office to change it to my husband's. I can't imagine what all would be included in having to change a baby's last name...I'm sure not as much as it took to do with mine, but it was just our preference to use my husband's.

Hope this helps.

Me and my fiance have been together 5 years and im 29 weeks pregnant. We have chosen to give our baby his last name but only because I dont speak with my father (I still have his second name though) and I dont want my daughter taking on my fathers name as being honest- he simply doesnt deserve it.
However, the fact is this is your's and your fiance's baby. Nobody elses so its your choice. Just like it was ours.
Your still planning on getting married to him- just not right now so I cant understand why people are saying you are ashamed of him or you will leave him. Its just silly.
My advice would be to ignore these comments and just enjoy your happy family with your fiance and new baby and when the time comes, have a great wedding and then all 3 of you's will have the same second name! X

We have been together for a really long time and just aren't in a huge hurry to get married. Having the label just isn't super important to us. We talked about waiting until the baby can walk, but honestly we have no set time or plan on when it'll happen. We did discuss for a while the idea of hyphenation when we get married, in which case he, myself and our child would ALL change our last names to include both names (in which case the 'extra paper work' point would be completely null as it would change regardless of if it gets his or my last name). I just feel the proper thing is to give the child what ever last name the mother has (if we were already married it would just get the last name both parents have). Maybe part of it is the fact that I doubt we'll keep JUST my fiances last name when we get married so what's the difference between it having mine for a few years and having his for a few year if no matter what it's going to change anyways?

My OH and I don't share a surname and never plan to do so. Personally, I wouldn't want anybody else's name but mine! We're going to double-barrel the baby's name, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with your baby having your surname. She's not more yours than his, so why should his name be there and yours not? Maybe try asking people why they feel he has more right to share a name with your child than you do?

On the other hand, it does seem strange that you plan to get married and change your name, but don't want to give your child his name until you do. It sounds as though (and I don't mean to offend you here) you're not 100% sure the wedding will take place. Maybe this is what upsets people? At the end of the day, if you're sure you're going to marry your baby's father, why wait until baby's a toddler to change his/her name? I agree with PP; it sounds like a lot of paper work! If you're not sure the wedding will take place, then it's something you should discuss with you fiance.

The paper work might be easy enough if you are doing it for yourself too (just double the forms per place) so not really double the work. If you've considered the cost and everything else then just do what you plan.

Try to drop the topic with others as much as possible. They will continue to give their strong opinions without any thought about how inappropriate it is.

My husband and I have made a point of not speaking a word of baby names with anyone until baby is born and named. We've seen so many people proud of their chosen name to have it bashed big time to the point of making parents doubt it and change it...so sad. Though I hadn't thought about last name controversy!

Once baby is here people will likely stop talking about the name and start talking about baby so it should smooth over quickly!!

That's what I said about the child support. We've been together for quite some years, and just aren't in a huge hurry to get married. We've talked about waiting until the baby can walk, and then having it be a ring barrer/ flower girl.
We are aware it'll cost money and extra paperwork to change its last name, and are perfectly fine with that. We feel like money shouldn't decided a persons name.
Yesterday I posted on Facebook saying 'ten days till baby ------ is here!'
I never realized so many people thought they had a say in what happens to our baby, but some of them are truly outraged and shocked (even though we've been saying since we found out we were expecting that it would have my last name and call it 'baby -----').
Do people always think they get a say in what's going on with your baby or does it sort of die down after the baby is actually born?