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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Q: dh irritated with me not doing work around the house...

im in my 3rd trimester. And its been rough for me after my belly grew. today, dh saw me painting my nails, he started yelling at me all of sudden the house not being clean etc. I try my best to clean the house everyday. I just get so tired so easily. just cooking dinner drains me out. he started telling me that he works his butt off and I dont do my job of keeping the house clean. honestly, when I clean the house one day, the house would be messy that same day in the evening. I broke down yesterday because of all this...i just need someones help and dh is being understanding...what did u ladies do in this kind of situation?

This question was asked Oct. 18, 2012 2:31am
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answered by monroezelda - Oct. 21, 2012 10:16am
I have been like that since before I got a + I have been super tired and super sick and I cant keep the house clean for more than a day and find it had to even cook, which leads to eating out which is rubbish all the time, and its not good with having 3 small children too. my Partner moans at me too cos he works full time, I understand where he is coming from a bit, but I cant make him understand how tired and Ill I feel. I wasn't like this with my other 3 so I think thats why he cant get his head around it. I just ignore him to be honest.

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Answered by MammaBee81 - Oct. 18, 2012 11:25pm
I can sort of see it from both points of view (yours and DHs) -even the best, most supportive of hubbies don't always understand. Sometimes they wont understand until they experience it first hand for themselves. Of course he's not going to be pregnant - have you considered hiring a pregnancy belly and asking him to wear it for a couple of days? He'll see it's not so comfortable to sleep, and it's damn tiring some days!

On the other hand, sometimes my hubby is knackered after working and occasionally on a day off he needs to do nothing. I have to understand that and not be frustrated with him too, give him some space.

Otherwise, communication is the key. I work shiftwork so I can have 4 days off in a row sometimes. But I find I don't get a great deal done even then - I can't keep my eyes open by lunchtime most days... when I express my frustration about not being able to do much, he understands I'm not being lazy, the baby is just using up all the nutrients and energy.

GL!

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Answered by a member - Oct. 18, 2012 7:30pm
I'm going through almost the same thing- DH here is completely lazy! Today was his last day off (he works three on, three off) and he knew that he had a bunch of things to do, therefore he got up this morning complaining that his side hurt (after asking me last night where his appendix were). But he was fine enough to get up to go outside to smoke, and when his buddy called, he was fine to go there too.
It doesn't seem to bother him that things get behind here. I'm the same as you- just cooking dinner tires me out, little alone cleaning behind him and our daughter (who is cleaner than what he is at this point!!). It gets frustrating, that is for sure- and I don't know what to do either. Just thought I'd voice my opinion and let you know you're not alone! Good luck Mama!

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Answered by leesa86 - Oct. 18, 2012 5:02pm
Hi I know you answered back but I thought I would tell you how I would deal with it; in fact have done so in the past. I sat him down and explained that I am trying and if he looked about he would see that, esp seeing as he had clean clothes on and was eating dinner off clean plates!! Also the bit about him blowing his top once he seen you painting your nails; I would say to him look you are giving yourself some You time seeing as in a few weeks neither one of you will have time for that. I don't think he is being unreasonable just silly at that moment of time, men just don't understand the work your body is putting in growing and carrying a baby xxx

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Answered by a member - Oct. 18, 2012 3:43pm
thanks ladies who replied to my post. its not that DONT keep the house clean, even in the post I wrote I do what I can. but just that day I was really tired and dh got all sweaty about it. anyways thanks

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Answered by -Lee-B - Oct. 18, 2012 3:42pm
It's called communication. I personally don't have "my own life". I am married and live with my husband. What I do or don't do impacts him. He's supporting me since I am not working fulltime and I plan to be home with the kids for a good 5 years before I go back to work. I do my part around the home. No I'm not back in the 50's but I am pretty close as we do not have a typical 2 income family. To make up for my lack (or partial lack) of income I do more around the house. If I am sleeping in bed when he leaves and lounging on the couch when he returns he has no clue that I did anything all day. Sure if he goes searching he may find the carpets have less dirt since I vacuumed. I tell him so he knows. He gives me a list as what I feel needs to be done is different that what he feels needs to be done and I show him I care by doing some things he needs done. Rather than sitting around silent and pissed off with each other we do what we find works, we're both more than happy with e

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Answered by flutters - Oct. 18, 2012 3:28pm
listen girl. if your tired you are tired don't understand why its so har for men to understand that. im a very clean person with two kids a dog and a husband i dont work outside but for sure i work all day and nigth at home and sometimes i can't take it no more of cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids and doing everithing else, what i do its the following i make sure everything its clean before husband gets home but i rest in the day and when he gets home i have his meal ready and i say im going to rest for a little and THATS IT i dont care what he thinks or do, if he doesn't like the way the house is he can do it him self.

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Answered by a member - Oct. 18, 2012 2:57pm
I'm sorry but some of these answers make me squirm! Why do we need to give our husbands a run down of the chores we've done each day to prove our worth or that we're taking care of day-to-day living? We aren't teenagers that get a list of things to do by our parents. We're grown women with our own lives and responsibilities. Have we gone back to a 50s way of thinking?!

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Answered by -Lee-B - Oct. 18, 2012 2:51pm
I only work 2 or so days a week. I am 15 weeks pregnant and exhausted at best on most days. My husband is an engineer and a neat freak. My husband pitches in a ton, always has but much more now. What we've found works is he makes a list of things that are "bothering" him around the house. When I do have energy I try to cross of a few of those things and let him know. We both know I will not do everything on the list, and some days I'll do nothing on it but it gives him a visual of my accomplishments. Let's face it most men, even neat freaks can be oblivious to what has been done around the house! Sometime just saying I did this and this today is enough to assure the husband that something was done.

Maybe rest and lounge all day then shortly before your husband comes home start some work around the house. While the house won't get much cleaner this way it may be all he needs to see after a long day of work.

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Answered by a member - Oct. 18, 2012 2:00pm
To the original poster of this question: please do not listen to that first answer! I am really saddened that someone would answer a question in such a self-satisfied and judgmental way. Everyone is different and everyone has different levels of discomfort/pain/exhaustion during their pregnancies; do what is best for you and baby.

Ok, rant over, now for some practical advice. First, I would talk to your husband and try to explain to him how exhausting it is to be pregnant and that you know the housework is not up to your usual standards, but it is really difficult being so big in the 3rd trimester, etc. Reassure him that this is not a permanent change because (despite what the 1st answer says) it does get easier after the first few (really hard) months of having a newborn in the house - you get used to the routine and life gets more back to normal. Second, maybe make an effort to take care of one or two chores a day that he would appreciate the most, if you are up to it. GL!

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