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Category: Baby Names

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Q: Baby's last name?

My fiancé and I have agreed that since we aren't married that when the baby is born it will get my last name then once we are married both me and the baby will change our last names to my fiancé's (although my fiancé isn't thrilled about it not getting his last name he understands where I'm coming from and supports me). Our problem seems to be everyone else though. People-especially people in his family- feel VERY strongly that that isn't right. They try saying its becuase I'm 'ashamed' he's the father, or that I'll leave him and just want child support and tell him not to sign the birth certificate. How rude and inappropriate of them! It's not their business what last name our baby gets! I was just wonder what your views are on the topic, and how many other women are/were with the dad but still gave baby their last name?

This question was asked Nov. 21, 2012 12:26pm
Category: Baby Names

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Answered by mammi2013 - Dec. 10, 2012 5:01am
I so agree with you! I am currently pregnant right now and plan on doing the same thing it has nothing to do with being ashamed! You do what u feel is best and it is amazing that your fiancée supports you in that decision sounds like a great guy! All the best luck to you!!!

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Answered by a member - Nov. 27, 2012 7:34pm
Wow! How inconsiderate. You said you wanted to hear about people's "views on the topic" but what you really meant was you wanted them to support your decision and make you feel better. "Please don't comment at all if you're going to try to convince me otherwise"...that's really close-minded. If your rationale is good, you shouldn't be scared of hearing the other side of the argument. I understand that you have probably been hit over the head with arguments already, but the people posting here have the best intentions and, more importantly, a neutral perspective. And some have more life experience than you that it may be wise to listen to. But go on and be headstrong and walk into that swampy mire because you already "made up your mind."

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Answered by a member - Nov. 26, 2012 6:35pm
I didn't post the question to have people talk me out of giving the baby my last name. I obviously don't see it as selfish or harming the baby in any way. I was simply asking what other people's experiences were and what they thought. Don't try to talking me out of it becuase my mind is made up. Please don't comment if all you're going to do is try convincing me other wise.

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Answered by kelsamagoo - Nov. 26, 2012 3:26pm
Whatever you decide, just make sure that the opinions of his family don't influence you for the good or bad: For instance, don't feel like you're "giving in" if you change your mind. This is your decision- and, while the opinions of others matter in terms of how loved they feel, you ultimately are the decision maker. Whether you change your mind or stick to your original plan, it doesn't make you more or less strong if you are making the decision to do what is best for your baby and your relationship with your fiance. Just know that, temporary or not, your decision will follow you for many years.

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Answered by Cristi78602 - Nov. 26, 2012 3:24am
Whatever the reasoning for doing it is between you and your fiance. It is no one else's place to decide that for you. HOWEVER, in almost every state in the US you have to hire an attorney ad litem (to represent the child) and go to court to get the baby's name changed. It is a lot more cost effective, if you know for a fact you are getting married, to give the baby his last name and just have to change your name. Changing a child's name is not the same as changing your name when you get married. Best of luck to you.

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Answered by Flowers6708 - Nov. 25, 2012 2:26am
In my opinion the baby should have the father's last name. Especially since you are planning on marrying him. It is a huge pain to try and have a child's name changed. My sister just had a baby with her boyfriend, and since she is legally still married to her ex (they've been split up for 5 yrs) the law wouldn't let her put the boyfriend on the birth certificate, but she still gave the baby the father's last name. If I were you I would give the baby the father's name, but it's your choice. Best of luck.

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Answered by a member - Nov. 24, 2012 2:27am
To be honest, giving the baby your name seems kind of self-absorbed, like you are claiming total ownership and declaring independence. Both of those are fine for a single mother but if you want your fiance to have that lovely sense of co-ownership why not use his name? No one ever doubts who the mother is so you don't have to put your stamp on the baby, but letting the father share is a good generous move.

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Answered by a member - Nov. 22, 2012 3:08am
It's not as hard as BGG is telling you. I changed my son's name, FIRST and LAST names. I also do a lot of legal work, for both civil and family law filings, and can tell you, it is pretty basic for all states as long as both parents agree to the name change. Also, if you are low income, you can file for a fee waiver for the name change, and that will leave you with a publication fee of about $90-200 for a 4 week run. As far lawyer fees, filing for a minors name change is so easy, that to pay a lawyer to do it for you would be a gigantic waste of money. You can get all the forms online, and there are programs that will walk you through it.

As far as the emotional wellbeing of the child, my 4 year old still doesnt know his last name, nor does he care. As long as you change your childs last name before they enter kindergarten, they arent going to know, or care, but more importantly, it's not going to emotionally traumatize them as some might think.

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Answered by mamabear101 - Nov. 22, 2012 1:39am
My husband took my last name... just call me lucky ;-)

Just tell your man's family that it doesn't seem right until your married. I don't know why they are making a big deal considering your anyways planning to take the name?!?

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Answered by kaylia2oo5 - Nov. 21, 2012 10:33pm
I was in the same situation. We were supposed to get married this summer, but finally got pregnant (after TTC for 1.5 yrs), so we postponed the wedding. Our son took my last name, and once we get married, then we're both switching our last names. Apparently his family had something to say (never said anything to my face though) about the last name. It's really none of anyone else's business except for yours and the Dads! I'd ignore everyone else, because it's only yours and his opinions that matter!! Best of luck Mama!

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