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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Q: Not Happy With My Marriage. What Do I Do?

My husband and I got married in September after a two year engagement. I knew from the start that I didn't love him enough but I told myself I was being stupid. He's a wonderful man. Very sweet. Very loving. I'm not good enough for him. Shortly after we were married we started trying for a baby. I kept telling myself that I did love him, I was just in a funk. So what if I didn't feel a spark? He's a great man. He'll be a great father and companion. I won't find better.That's what I told myself. I know it was wrong. There is no reason for me not to love him. He is in all respects, the perfect husband. I just know I'm not in love with him. I am almost 16 weeks pregnant and I can't stand the thought of living like this forever. I also feel like if I leave now he'll think all I wanted was a baby. I know this isn't just hormones as most of you will say, I've felt this way for a long time. What do I do? I feel like the worst person in the world for not wanting this man. I wish I loved him.

This question was asked Mar. 4, 2013 3:07am
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (20)

Answered by truestar070 - Nov. 8, 2013 1:51pm

You gotta to be honest with yourself and him. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. I am sure you two can reach some suitable (for both of you) agreements.

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Answered by kCharleneS - Mar. 8, 2013 3:12am

I'm so glad to see that you and your husband talked. Ignore the people bashing. There's a saying my mom taught me, "you can love someone, but not be IN love with someone." It's very hard to distinguish between the two. But it's great to see you two are working this out and that he now knows how you feel. It's true about the pregnancy making your feelings worse. good luck and I wish you the best!

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Answered by FirstTimeMommyx0 - Mar. 6, 2013 4:57am

I can't believe the responses to this question. You are just trying to find some advice on your situation on what you should do, not for anybody's opinion on the situation regardless how anyone feels about this, this is your life and they don't know you! It's already done, you already married this guy, your already pregnant, you can't change it now, all you can do is fix it! The best thing to do is just be completely honest with your husband and just tell him how you feel.. It's not fair for either of you to stay in this marriage and he deserves to know how you are feeling. Yes it does suck your baby won't have parents who are together but its not the end of the world and at least it will be easier on your child if you divorce him now or when your baby is very young since your child wouldn't be use to guys actually being together and hopefully you guys will stay civil and just move on and both find happiness :) good luck!

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Answered by BGGirl - Mar. 5, 2013 4:07am

That sounds like a definite step in the right direction! I wish you all the best and hope that it works out for you! Good luck!

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Answered by a member - Mar. 5, 2013 2:10am

Hi, i'm the poster. I spoke to my husband last night. I told him I was unhappy and that I didn't know why. edwina2021, I told my husband the same thing you told yours. That he is a great person and my best friend, but there isn't a spark. We talked for a long time and we both are going to try to fix this. As I've said, he is a very caring person and I am lucky to have him. I just need to find out why I am not as deeply in love with him as I should be. I love him as a friend, I love him for giving me this child, but I told him I didn't feel as though I were romantically in love with him. I told him I was sorry I had agreed to try for a baby, knowing how I felt I should have spoken to him first. But we both said we WILL NOT regret our child, no matter what happens between us. We are going to try to make things work because we want it to be better. He has said that if it doesn't work we will still be friends. We will give our child a good life. Even if we aren't together as a couple.

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Answered by mrykayser - Mar. 5, 2013 12:45am

I'm sorry but u don't marry someone you don't love. That's not fair to the other person. And then to bring a baby into the equation. I think u did something terribly wrong and need to tell him the truth. He will probably leave you but u won't care anyways cause you don't love him anyways.
He deserves to be with a women who truly loves him

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Answered by Razzle_ - Mar. 4, 2013 8:45pm

I definitely agree with those who suggest therapy, I could be wrong here but it sounds as though you feel like you don't deserve the love your husband provides so perhaps your issues stem from how you see yourself and you could at least give yourself a chance to explore every possibility.
I wish you all the best and hope that you can find peace in the right decision.

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Answered by nikkiblueeyes - Mar. 4, 2013 8:32pm

To those anon aka keyboard warriors being nasty to this lady who do you think you are? She diddnt come here for abuse she came her for help you probably dont know how hard posting this probably was for her, she feels bad enough as it is no need to be so rude! and shes not the worst person in the world.

I do think you need to be honest with your husband but i would definitely see a therepist maybe even on your own first so you can discuss your feelings honestly and openly before you make any decisions that your not 100% sure about and being pregnant will definatly escalate these feelings.
I really feel for you and ignore the bad comments, your not a bad person. Good luck and i hope you sort everything out and do the right thing for you all xx

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Answered by Charlotte17 - Mar. 4, 2013 8:10pm

To those who posted condescending messages, I think it's cowardly and immature to judge others, especially anonymously. The poster asked for advice, not your response to her past decisions. No one here has the right to judge her. We've all made mistakes and it's pointless to make her feel bad about a decision she already made. All she can do now is try to do the right thing moving forward.

Personally I don't think it would be wise to make a life-changing decision about your marriage while pregnant. I'd focus on the pregnancy and then reevaluate after the baby is born and your hormones/emotions stabilize. I'm not saying your feelings will change after the baby is born, but I think the decision to end a marriage should be made when you're not dealing with roller coaster hormones. If it were me, I'd wait until after the baby is born and then talk to my husband about my feelings and try some kind of counseling before deciding on divorce. But again, that's just my opinion.

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Answered by -Lee-B - Mar. 4, 2013 5:51pm

I would likely try a therapist to help you really sit and think things through in a non-biased manner. Sadly at times like this friends, family and internet postings can result in a lot of confusing responses that won't get you far.

In the least a therapist can help you work through everything, clarify things and help you make the best choice...AND have the added benefit to help you not divorce this husband and just marry the next person with the same outcome.

By the way, despite the peoples responses on here I can assure you that you are not the first person to marry someone and come to the same conclusion afterwards. You won't be the last. The best you can do now is to work to fix the situation in the best possible outcome for all.

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