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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Q: newl pregnant- terminal ill parner who wants me to have a termination

hi everyone i found out last tues i was pregnant - not planned. im 28 my partner is 38 with a degenerative illness at present he is ok.

He wants me to have a termination - actuall he more than wants he has said there is NO WAY we are having this baby and if i keep it i can do it alone.
Im devastated , i have a midwife appt on weds as my partner is on a few meds due to his illness so i will need some scans and tests asap to see how it all is,

i have told him if the baby is seen to be healthy i really want to keep it but he is adomant we get rid and think about it 2 years down the line, he said he already has enough stress and im selfish for wanting to keep in the situation we are in.
He already has a 7 yr old to a previous relationship - we have been together 5 years

are there any thoughts as im so confused

thankyou

xxxx

I honestly dont know what to do with myself I love him to pieces and i already love whats growing inside me although its early days .

This question was asked Jan. 22, 2012 6:36pm
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (15)

Answered by a guest - Jan. 27, 2012 9:46am

Well I can only say this. The life inside does not have any fault regarding the situation. I would never abort a baby. That's a life that's growing in there and it is part of me. If it began growing it has the right to live. Im sorry but I do not beleive in abortion

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Answered by GypsyTasya - Jan. 23, 2012 4:28pm

it was 1/2 his decision to not use caution if his agreement for the trial was to not father a child. he may just be overreacting out of fear right now. but, either way ... you have just as much right to be just as adamant about not terminating as he is about terminating.

i don't know ... despite how much i loved someone, if that had been said to me ("you can do it alone"), i would have said, "fine, then you can be sick and miserable ALONE w/no one to help YOU!". Maybe that's mean and the "wrong answer" but ... that would have been MY answer /shrug.

good luck. i really hope it works out for you and he comes around after having time for the thought of a baby to sink-in. BIG /hugs to you.

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Answered by allioak - Jan. 23, 2012 1:42pm

Regardless of the situation, I don't think anyone should be able to tell anyone to terminate something they do not want to terminate. Find a way to work this out, keep working on it. Good luck, sorry you are experiencing all this right now at once.

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Answered by a guest - Jan. 23, 2012 12:31pm

Girl never ever let any1 tell u what 2 do.. I don't care if he is the President of the United states of America.. The only 1 that runs ur life is God. How dare him with all do respect tell u he don't want the baby especially after u have been with him for 5 years.. I had a friend that went through the same thing.. she was dating a model/dancer & she told him she was expecting from him.. the 1st thing that came out of his mouth was it's not mine.. & I already have kids of my own.. & then he had the nerve 2 tell her well I love u but not the baby.. so my girl responded I don't need u.. A man that tells me he don't want our child obvious don't want me either. so til this day shes being the best mother that she can b for her daughter without him.. so I tell u this hun.. it's not easy what ur going through but remember u have a life inside of u that will always be there 4 u regardless.. man comes & goes.. Ur man needs 2 stop being selfish & step up 2 the plate.. best

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Answered by a member - Jan. 23, 2012 9:58am

thankyou so much so far to all you ladies that have taken time to reply to my message - nothing has really changed over the past few days he is being " normal " with me an we havent even mentioned the situation - people keep saying he will come round but i know the only reason he is being normal is because in his head he has made his decision so its down to me whether i keep or not.
another thing i forgot to mention about the situation is..
he is currently on a clinical trial for his illness - he signed papers orig to say he wouldnt father a child etc,
when i found out i was pregnant clearly i was shocked and worried and knew what his reaction would be . i mentioned it to his nurse and professor as i wanted to know about complications etc and to cut a long story short it nearly got him kicked off the trial (omg i felt awful) luckily he has been aloud to stay on but he feels like ive gone behind his back for doing so and that im selfish and didnt think of him ....

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Answered by a member - Jan. 23, 2012 2:23am

I would tell him HE is selfish for A) Not properly wearing condoms if he was that passionate about not having children. B) If he has an illness, that heaven forbids, takes his life....than YOU'RE alone with noone. I would tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.

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Answered by babbosbabymama - Jan. 22, 2012 9:00pm

Also I might add that I understand your love for him and wanting to make him happy. Im sure he loves you the same so he should listen to you and at least take in to consideration how u feel. You need to talk to him about it. Have a serious sit down. If all you do is fight bc of it then maybe see a couples counselor for 1 or 2 sessions so he can better understand what you are going through. I really wish you the best of luck and I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I dont know what I would do if I was you either but with my past experience with unwanted abortions, I would have to say go with what makes you happy not someone else.

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Answered by babbosbabymama - Jan. 22, 2012 8:55pm

I say do what YOU want to do. Im sorry as this absolutely a rough time for you and I dont mean to be cold but ur gonna have to raise the baby yourself once he passes anyway so that little bit where he says he isnt going to help you shouldnt matter to you. Dont terminate bc thats what he wants you to do. You will regret it for the rest of YOUR life. I terminated a pregnancy 9 years ago when I didnt want to but my mother kept at it telling me it was a good idea to terminate and she just basically forced me to have an abortion at 18 years old and i cry about it to this day. Dont EVER let anyone regaurdless of who it is tell you what is best for you or what to do. If he doesnt want to be part of it I understand. He has a lot on his plate right now but what about you? What you want matters too!! I would say termination is a BAD idea if u dont want to do it. You may fight about it and the lack of his support might be hurtful but its better than regretting for the rest of YOUR life.

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Answered by Samm0704 - Jan. 22, 2012 8:46pm

It is your choice.. Weigh out your options and do whats best for you. Dont do something rash that you will regret.. The decision is yours and dont let anyone pressure you into something =) Best of luck to you

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Answered by Sabrina - Jan. 22, 2012 8:26pm

Don't terminate he's probably just afraid the baby might be sick like him. But that is no reason to kill your child and you can do it by yourself many women do it all the time. You will totally regret it I had to get a d&e because the pregnancy wasn't viable and I felt guilty I thought what if there was a chance it was just too early to see anything and I killed my baby. My husband is also sick doctors still don't know what's wrong with him. But if he told me to kill my child I would leave I know that's harsh to say but he sounds like he's being very selfish right now. If he didn't want to have children he should have gotten snipped. A child is not an inconvenience it's a blessing a gift.

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