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Joined Sep. 28, 2011 1:07pm

tickingbean's Pregnancy

My Due Date: September 9, 2013
I have given birth!
Age: 44 years old
Location: South Africa

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gender disappointment
By tickingbean » Posted Mar. 4, 2013 1:16am - 342 views - 2 comments

I just wanted to do a journal entry on something that I experienced last pregnancy so that other moms realize that it is normal. We all say that we want a healthy baby, and we really, really do. But, deep in our hearts, if we admit it, we have always pictured ourselves with either an x or a y.

I never wanted kids. Then, when I hit around 25, things changed. Then, when my partner and I decided to marry, it became really, really important. Weird how commitment produces deeper commitment. When I was imagining my child, it was always a little girl. I was one of 3 girls. My mom is one of 4. I have aunts, only married in uncles.

Then I got pregnant, and I just KNEW it was a boy. And, I was at peace with that. I actually loved the little boy. I imagined my husband's face. Them throwing the football in the yard. Building forts. Then, the gender tests revealed it was a girl! I had to go through this strange processing. Who was this inside of me? I felt betrayed. Where was my son? I always wanted a daughter, but I had convinced myself that it was a boy so I felt like I didn't even know the child I was carrying.

I think my husband was disappointed, but he never admitted it. He ADORES his little girl. And with this one, he insists it's another little girl and he doesn't want a boy. He knows girls now.

Obviously, you get over it. It doesn't take that long. And then you don't even remember that disappointment because you were given exactly the child you were meant to be given. I love my DD and can't imagine my life without her.

With this one, we may find out gender on Friday. This time, I have no clue. I think it might be a girl based on timing, but the pregnancy is so different than last time. I am open to either.

Just keep in mind, you are absolutely normal. It's ok to feel these things. It's ok to even say them aloud. I will probably tell my DD about them one day when she's pregnant so that she knows what to expect too. You will love it no matter what, and whatever the gender, it will feel right.

Comments for this Journal Entry

Comment from HasntSunkIn » Posted Apr. 23, 2013 12:17pm
Just came across this - what a brave and awesome post! Thanks for sharing your experience.

Comment from ambewilson » Posted Mar. 4, 2013 9:25am
I went through the gender disappointment. When I found out I was having a boy, I cried for three hours. It runs in my Bd's family that the males have a history of severe bipolar. Of course you get over it, but it's the initial shock...


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