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kCharleneS's Pregnancy
My Due Date: July 12, 2013I have given birth!
Age: 32 years old
Location: Colfax, United States
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Feelings hurt, yet again.
By kCharleneS » Posted Dec. 24, 2012 3:37am - 173 views - 2 comments
I'm getting so tired of being stuck at home all the time. I have no friends of my own, and Sean is always leaving me home while he goes and hangs out with his friends. He doesn't go out with me anymore or anything.
It's 1:30 in the morning on Christmas Eve and he's wanting to drive to the bar to go hang out while I sit at home all alone. I don't want to be the bitchy girlfriend that says "no, you can't go out unless I come with." because I know he needs time away from me, but it would also be nice if he asked me to come along. Just because I'm pregnant and can't drink doesn't mean that I can't go out and have fun. Especially since Nathan is at his dad's. I would understand him not asking me if Nate were home and I wouldn't even want to go if he was, but he's not. The only time I leave the house is to go to my parent's house, Sean's parent's house, the store or to drop off/pick up from school or his dad's house.
And Sean hardly ever spends time with me as it is. He watched a movie with me for the first time in weeks last night. And after that was over, he took a shower and got on his game to play with his friends. I'm so tired of feeling like I come in second to his video games and friends. Seriously, he literally works with them all day long and then he comes home and plays them. He doesn't spend his lunch break with me, but instead either watches Youtube videos or plays Angry Birds on his phone. He doesn't spend the day with me before he goes to work (at 12:30) because he sleeps until noon. Then he comes home at 9 and immediately gets on the games. We have had this fight so many times over the past two and half years that even if I bring it up now, all it'll do is piss him off and I don't know how much longer I can handle this. No matter how many times I talk to him about it, nothing changes but he gets pissed off and starts throwing shit around and treating me like shit.
He's not even going to spend Christmas with me. He has not made any effort whatsoever to spend it with me out of all three Christmas's we've been together for. He's leaving for Spokane tomorrow afternoon to go spend it with his parents and then instead of coming home Christmas evening or night, he's planning on staying there so he can spend it with his friends. The only Christmas we spent together was last year when I went and spent it with his parents and guess what, he ditched me then for his friends too. I'm tired of everything being on his terms. I'm tired of feeling like a doormat. I'm tired of feeling like his friends and those damn games are more important.
He flat out asked me when he got home if the internet was still working since it was down all day yesterday. When I told him yeah and asked a question (I can't remember what) he flat out said, "Well I want to play League so I figured you didn't want me to be in a shitty mood if the internet was down." Cause God forbid he spends any time with me.
I just don't know how much more I can handle this. This is the reason why I left him in June. This is the reason why I moved out of state and in with my aunt in June. But as always, he wants me only while I'm gone and when I'm home he couldn't care less. This is the exact reason why I've had problems with cutting myself and trying to take a ton of pills since March. This is too emotionally exhausting and I think that I'm gonna have to talk to my doctor this week about anti-depressants again. I hate the idea of being medicated again, but I can't handle these this emotionally an it's only a matter of time before my self-destructive behavior starts back up. I can't leave him because I have no money and he is a great father to my son. So I am stuck. I don't know what else to do.
My Journal
Feelings hurt, yet again.
By kCharleneS » Posted Dec. 24, 2012 3:37am - 173 views - 2 comments
I'm getting so tired of being stuck at home all the time. I have no friends of my own, and Sean is always leaving me home while he goes and hangs out with his friends. He doesn't go out with me anymore or anything.
It's 1:30 in the morning on Christmas Eve and he's wanting to drive to the bar to go hang out while I sit at home all alone. I don't want to be the bitchy girlfriend that says "no, you can't go out unless I come with." because I know he needs time away from me, but it would also be nice if he asked me to come along. Just because I'm pregnant and can't drink doesn't mean that I can't go out and have fun. Especially since Nathan is at his dad's. I would understand him not asking me if Nate were home and I wouldn't even want to go if he was, but he's not. The only time I leave the house is to go to my parent's house, Sean's parent's house, the store or to drop off/pick up from school or his dad's house.
And Sean hardly ever spends time with me as it is. He watched a movie with me for the first time in weeks last night. And after that was over, he took a shower and got on his game to play with his friends. I'm so tired of feeling like I come in second to his video games and friends. Seriously, he literally works with them all day long and then he comes home and plays them. He doesn't spend his lunch break with me, but instead either watches Youtube videos or plays Angry Birds on his phone. He doesn't spend the day with me before he goes to work (at 12:30) because he sleeps until noon. Then he comes home at 9 and immediately gets on the games. We have had this fight so many times over the past two and half years that even if I bring it up now, all it'll do is piss him off and I don't know how much longer I can handle this. No matter how many times I talk to him about it, nothing changes but he gets pissed off and starts throwing shit around and treating me like shit.
He's not even going to spend Christmas with me. He has not made any effort whatsoever to spend it with me out of all three Christmas's we've been together for. He's leaving for Spokane tomorrow afternoon to go spend it with his parents and then instead of coming home Christmas evening or night, he's planning on staying there so he can spend it with his friends. The only Christmas we spent together was last year when I went and spent it with his parents and guess what, he ditched me then for his friends too. I'm tired of everything being on his terms. I'm tired of feeling like a doormat. I'm tired of feeling like his friends and those damn games are more important.
He flat out asked me when he got home if the internet was still working since it was down all day yesterday. When I told him yeah and asked a question (I can't remember what) he flat out said, "Well I want to play League so I figured you didn't want me to be in a shitty mood if the internet was down." Cause God forbid he spends any time with me.
I just don't know how much more I can handle this. This is the reason why I left him in June. This is the reason why I moved out of state and in with my aunt in June. But as always, he wants me only while I'm gone and when I'm home he couldn't care less. This is the exact reason why I've had problems with cutting myself and trying to take a ton of pills since March. This is too emotionally exhausting and I think that I'm gonna have to talk to my doctor this week about anti-depressants again. I hate the idea of being medicated again, but I can't handle these this emotionally an it's only a matter of time before my self-destructive behavior starts back up. I can't leave him because I have no money and he is a great father to my son. So I am stuck. I don't know what else to do.
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from kCharleneS » Posted Dec. 27, 2012 1:49pm It's nice to know that there's someone out there who knows what I'm going through. I've talked to my parents and they're giving me a key to their apartment since they live only a few blocks from me. I'm giving him another shot, since he seems to be working on how he treats me. He came home Christmas night without seeing his friends, and the past few days he's been taking time away to spend with Nathan and I. He went with me to my doctor's appointment yesterday about getting on my anti-depressants and mood stabilizers again and he knows that I've gotten the urge to hurt myself again so I think that was a real wake up call. |
 | Comment from nesssicle » Posted Dec. 24, 2012 8:47am its good that he's a great father to your son, but he's not a good partner for you! No one should ever make you feel depressed like that! The fact that he makes you feel like you need meds again is a big red STOP sign! It sounds like he is a complete, immature jerk that doesnt deserve to have you in his life. I feel so sad for you whenever i read your journal entries like this. I hope you find a way to get out soon. Its not worth the stress, not to mention how horrible all this stress is for the baby! Ive been in a situation like that (but not pregnant) when i was living with a guy, and he was so emotionally distant and id cry myself to sleep every night..i felt stuck there with him..i had no car, no friends of my own, no job...i was so over the relationship but wasn't sure what to do.,..finally one day i got a super strong urge just to pick up and leave...and i did. There is someone out there that will treat you just how you long to be treated, you just have to take the first step. |
