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Cirsten_Peace's Pregnancy
My Due Date: August 5, 2013I am postpartum » My due date was more than 2 weeks ago
Age: 43 years old
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Week 24: Viable. . . time to relax? - not.
By Cirsten_Peace » Posted Apr. 19, 2013 3:27pm - 297 views - 0 comments
Another week, and my anxiety and discomfort just keeps building. I know I should be super excited and feel blessed and all to finally be able to carry this child. But dude, I'm so fu*cking exhausted ALL the time, and my back and hips are killing me!
My sex drive is through the roof, by the time it's time I'm all but exhausted, all I want is a long hot bath and massage. To make matters worse, hubby used to be super supportive when I wasn't pregnant.. I'm afraid he's pretty freaked out and stressed cause I haven't had a real massage in months!
I love the reassurance that my baby is alive and healthy, he kicks strongly all the time. However, for some reason unbeknownst to myself, LO and I are on completly different scheduals when it comes to sleep v.s activity. Sometimes when I try to soothe him by rubbing my belly, he will push up to my hand and relax, possibly fall asleep. But as soon as my hand falls (ie I fall asleep) he wakes up as if he's pissed at me, dare I be semi selfish and try to sleep for 20 minutes in a row.. oh joy, I just can't wait for after birth... he's going to be a joyus newborn lol!
As far as when I do have the umph to have sexy time, my husband seems.. selfish. the act of sex is inconcievable or tiresome. He seems to perfer oral. Irritating because that has become my least favorite activity to recieve.. I don't mind giving at all, I love it actually.. I'm just too sensitive and he seems to be hitting all the right spots to hurt me or ruin the mood, same stuff he's always done... just different to recieve now.
I have alot of anxiety about birth.. not so much the pain... I know it's gonna hurt.. I think I'm prepared for that, I don't want to be so cocky that I say I am. Cause I'm probably not.. I'm just not worried about it. I'm only slightly worried about how Rune will be, but not really, I try to keep that worry for much later.
As selfish as it sounds, I'm worried about what I'll look like after... how I'll feel. I'm worried about my husband not liking what he sees, I'm worried our sex life will take a turn for the worst. And I know it's bound to slow down. But minus the normal screaching hault birth causes to every couples sex life.. what about after I'm healed? will it feel bad? good? different? Will I be tight enough for him? Will we still be as in love?
I don't want to think he's cheating while I'm recovering, or now even. I know he's not. It's just so scary adding a new person. And is his behavior now going to be the same as when our child arrives? Will we keep snaping at eachother and will he keep ignoring the dishes. Or keep not noticing how much I do around the house... these toilets wouldn't be white if I wasn't around! Will he keep not aknowledging what I do for him? Will I more times than not, wake up to no coffee left in the pot?
another worry is I won't love my son... I'm afraid I might get passive aggressive with Rune when my SO is upsetting me. I'm prone to depression and I've been fighting it the past few months, I know my husband must be able to tell...I don't want to burden my SO with my depression and a LO.
I'm worried I'll badger my husband so much that he doesn't want to be with me or have sexy time.. leaves or cheats.
I think the fear of him cheating is worse than normal... (I always feel I need to keep him sexually satisfied to keep calm ) but it's worse because I feel he might not leave me because of the LO and instead cheat to fill a void. When honestly I'd rather him hurt me by leaving than hurt me by betraying me. the baby might change his actions if it were ever to happen.
I keep running it through my head. I'm not the happy woman he fell in love with, our sex life is pretty uneventful, not happy with my image,I'm badgering him to help with the house. I know these things aren't worth cheating,but I've known people to cheat for way less. He's not the type I know... but still these are terrible things that just keep worsening my depression
My Journal
Week 24: Viable. . . time to relax? - not.
By Cirsten_Peace » Posted Apr. 19, 2013 3:27pm - 297 views - 0 comments
Another week, and my anxiety and discomfort just keeps building. I know I should be super excited and feel blessed and all to finally be able to carry this child. But dude, I'm so fu*cking exhausted ALL the time, and my back and hips are killing me!
My sex drive is through the roof, by the time it's time I'm all but exhausted, all I want is a long hot bath and massage. To make matters worse, hubby used to be super supportive when I wasn't pregnant.. I'm afraid he's pretty freaked out and stressed cause I haven't had a real massage in months!
I love the reassurance that my baby is alive and healthy, he kicks strongly all the time. However, for some reason unbeknownst to myself, LO and I are on completly different scheduals when it comes to sleep v.s activity. Sometimes when I try to soothe him by rubbing my belly, he will push up to my hand and relax, possibly fall asleep. But as soon as my hand falls (ie I fall asleep) he wakes up as if he's pissed at me, dare I be semi selfish and try to sleep for 20 minutes in a row.. oh joy, I just can't wait for after birth... he's going to be a joyus newborn lol!
As far as when I do have the umph to have sexy time, my husband seems.. selfish. the act of sex is inconcievable or tiresome. He seems to perfer oral. Irritating because that has become my least favorite activity to recieve.. I don't mind giving at all, I love it actually.. I'm just too sensitive and he seems to be hitting all the right spots to hurt me or ruin the mood, same stuff he's always done... just different to recieve now.
I have alot of anxiety about birth.. not so much the pain... I know it's gonna hurt.. I think I'm prepared for that, I don't want to be so cocky that I say I am. Cause I'm probably not.. I'm just not worried about it. I'm only slightly worried about how Rune will be, but not really, I try to keep that worry for much later.
As selfish as it sounds, I'm worried about what I'll look like after... how I'll feel. I'm worried about my husband not liking what he sees, I'm worried our sex life will take a turn for the worst. And I know it's bound to slow down. But minus the normal screaching hault birth causes to every couples sex life.. what about after I'm healed? will it feel bad? good? different? Will I be tight enough for him? Will we still be as in love?
I don't want to think he's cheating while I'm recovering, or now even. I know he's not. It's just so scary adding a new person. And is his behavior now going to be the same as when our child arrives? Will we keep snaping at eachother and will he keep ignoring the dishes. Or keep not noticing how much I do around the house... these toilets wouldn't be white if I wasn't around! Will he keep not aknowledging what I do for him? Will I more times than not, wake up to no coffee left in the pot?
another worry is I won't love my son... I'm afraid I might get passive aggressive with Rune when my SO is upsetting me. I'm prone to depression and I've been fighting it the past few months, I know my husband must be able to tell...I don't want to burden my SO with my depression and a LO.
I'm worried I'll badger my husband so much that he doesn't want to be with me or have sexy time.. leaves or cheats.
I think the fear of him cheating is worse than normal... (I always feel I need to keep him sexually satisfied to keep calm ) but it's worse because I feel he might not leave me because of the LO and instead cheat to fill a void. When honestly I'd rather him hurt me by leaving than hurt me by betraying me. the baby might change his actions if it were ever to happen.
I keep running it through my head. I'm not the happy woman he fell in love with, our sex life is pretty uneventful, not happy with my image,I'm badgering him to help with the house. I know these things aren't worth cheating,but I've known people to cheat for way less. He's not the type I know... but still these are terrible things that just keep worsening my depression
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