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chehowca's Pregnancy
My Due Date: July 11, 2014I have given birth!
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8 Weeks Today - Panic Button?
By chehowca » Posted Nov. 30, 2013 6:33am - 182 views - 0 comments
I find myself 8 weeks pregnant today. I didn't expect this pregnancy to happen at all. My son was conceived in 2009 after I was told that I have a 2% chance of conceiving. He was our miracle! In 2012 we decided that it was time to try again. We conceived again in May. Another miracle, or so I thought. Unfortunately, I suffered a missed miscarriage. The baby had passed away at 6w5d and I had carried its body inside me for 3 more weeks. I never knew grief so keen as when I was faced inserting pills to induce the miscarriage and then with having to flush my baby down our toilet. Sorry if this is raw. I still have nightmares. We recovered; I recovered. We started trying again.
I had given up hope after a year or so. My husband and I decided to start and focus on clean eating and exercising. My period was all over the place, as is the way with PCOS. I was late 4 days and decided to take a pregnancy test to just "get it out of my mind" and confirm that AF was coming. That's when I got my BFP. I couldn't believe my eyes and I think I actually shook the test like an etch a sketch to see if the second line stayed. I was in shock and didn't actually tell my husband until 2 days later.
Fast forward to today. I have no confidence in this pregnancy. It is coloured by my past loss. Every day I wake up and I don't feel sick, don't feel the fatigue, I am transported back to when I suffered my missed miscarriage. All of my symptoms had disappeared then. I really hope I can learn to have some perspective. Enjoy that I am pregnant "right now". Be comfortable with the idea that nature may choose to take my baby and that's OK. I need to let go and just be in the moment.
My Journal
8 Weeks Today - Panic Button?
By chehowca » Posted Nov. 30, 2013 6:33am - 182 views - 0 comments
I find myself 8 weeks pregnant today. I didn't expect this pregnancy to happen at all. My son was conceived in 2009 after I was told that I have a 2% chance of conceiving. He was our miracle! In 2012 we decided that it was time to try again. We conceived again in May. Another miracle, or so I thought. Unfortunately, I suffered a missed miscarriage. The baby had passed away at 6w5d and I had carried its body inside me for 3 more weeks. I never knew grief so keen as when I was faced inserting pills to induce the miscarriage and then with having to flush my baby down our toilet. Sorry if this is raw. I still have nightmares. We recovered; I recovered. We started trying again.
I had given up hope after a year or so. My husband and I decided to start and focus on clean eating and exercising. My period was all over the place, as is the way with PCOS. I was late 4 days and decided to take a pregnancy test to just "get it out of my mind" and confirm that AF was coming. That's when I got my BFP. I couldn't believe my eyes and I think I actually shook the test like an etch a sketch to see if the second line stayed. I was in shock and didn't actually tell my husband until 2 days later.
Fast forward to today. I have no confidence in this pregnancy. It is coloured by my past loss. Every day I wake up and I don't feel sick, don't feel the fatigue, I am transported back to when I suffered my missed miscarriage. All of my symptoms had disappeared then. I really hope I can learn to have some perspective. Enjoy that I am pregnant "right now". Be comfortable with the idea that nature may choose to take my baby and that's OK. I need to let go and just be in the moment.
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