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Monster-in-law or pregnancy hormones... I can't decide...
By stephc2010 » Posted Dec. 12, 2015 7:12pm - 637 views - 9 comments

Ugh. This is a long venting journal entry...

I just want to state, my mother-in-law is great, for the most part. I've had a few issues with her, but mostly because I don't speak up for myself, etc.

It started with this... My husband had her pick up a few extra tickets for the first showing of the new Star Wars movie, in case he had any friends in that area who didn't get tickets on time, etc. Turns out, they never even sold out of the first showing, so he doesn't need the tickets any more since all of his friends already got tickets. She picked them up for him using HER credit card to buy them, he gave her cash to pay for them. We live a little over an hour away from them, but are in my husband's home town usually once, sometimes twice, a week. I gave her the tickets to return on Thursday, saying she has to return them by Tuesday, and that since they were on her card, she's the one who has to return them. She called my husband today and told him he has to return them himself (um, what?!). Tonight, my in laws left out of town for a "few days". I don't understand why she couldn't return the tickets today, since I KNOW she was in the area, since the business they own had an event going on today and their business is close to the theater (same parking lot!). How does she expect him to return the tickets, when 1, she HAS them. And 2, they need to be returned on HER credit card? I have no idea when they'll be back, because she was so vague with me, and I just gave up trying to talk to her out of frustration. So now we might be out over $100...

And onto another issue... She has been pestering me about what to get my daughter for Christmas. I gave her a general list of things she likes, toys she might be interested in, etc. I left out the few things I wanted to buy for her myself. Well, my list wasn't good enough, because she's still saying she hasn't bought her anything because she doesn't know what to get her. I told her again, the same things I sent her on the list I gave her (Little People sets, anything Minnie or Mickey Mouse, books, clothes etc.). When I mentioned I was even having a hard time thinking of what to get her, minus the few things I had in mind, she insisted I tell her what I was planning on getting her, since it apparently doesn't matter who she gets stuff from because it's "not like she's going to remember". It's a personal thing for me. It's bad enough that my mother-in-law instilled it in my husband's head that lying to your kids about Santa is bad, etc (I grew up getting a gift from Santa, even though I knew the truth). So there's one tradition I won't get to do with my children, but to tell me that I shouldn't bother buying my child a gift for Christmas is beyond ridiculous! If I want to buy my child something for her to open on Christmas morning with just me and my little growing family, it's none of her business. She told me that none of her kids buy their kids gifts for Christmas, and just let the grandparents buy all the gifts for them. That's fine for them, but I want to start my own traditions for my family, which include stocking stuffers and gifts from me and my husband. I will never stay the night at their house on Christmas Eve, because I want my own traditions on Christmas morning. Why can't she respect that?

I'm just on the verge of tears over all of this! I'm telling myself I'm over reacting over this, but part of me tells me it's just the way my mother-in-law is. I'm really grateful for all of their help, but this is something I can't let go... I have a headache, I'm so stressed over this! =(

Comments for this Journal Entry

	Comment from stephc2010 » Posted Dec. 14, 2015 8:02pm Thanks Hzl! She's easier to be around when I'm not pregnant, but lately everything she does has been driving me insane! My daughter usually cries when my in-laws try to hold her etc and they get so offended. Especially my father in law. My mother in law literally told me I need to "train" her to like him! Maybe if they wouldn't poke and touch her the minute she wakes up from a nap, it'd be different. They're always in her face :( We have a lot of disagreements about parenting styles, and it just makes it harder! I'm trying not to let it bother me anymore, though! Hopefully I can make it through Christmas, lol.
	Comment from HzlGreenEyes » Posted Dec. 14, 2015 8:33am I am with the other ladies. It is your family and you must put your foot down and let her know you will have your own traditions and if she has a problem with that, then she won't get to see her grandkids very often. You have a right to do things the way you want. I've put my foot down with my own Mother because she felt that me punishing my son at all was a no-no. Um, yeah, my child isn't an a**hole because if he does do something wrong it gets corrected right away. She felt because he is so good that I can let up on correcting him... I was Baffled. Needless to say, she stays out of it now because I reminded her that she already raised her children, it's my obligation to raise mine. Try not to stress too much, just try not to fear opening conversation with her.
	Comment from stephc2010 » Posted Dec. 14, 2015 5:00am Thanks ladies. I've been keeping myself busy to avoid thinking about it since posting this. This has definitely made me feel better. My mother in law is VERY controlling and things have to go her way. If she's unhappy about something, she makes sure to complain to everyone about it until things go her way. I've already told my husband she is not welcome in the delivery room this time, and he told me that was my choice. She wasn't supposed to be during the birth of my daughter, but after she threw me a baby shower, she was talking about how we'd have to call her as soon as the baby was born and tell her what it was (we didn't find out the gender). In the spur of the moment, I invited her. Worst decision ever... If my daughter doesn't open the exact doll that I was planning on buying her for Christmas from my MIL, I'm sure there will be tears from me... Holidays are so stressful with my in laws! :(
	Comment from miniray » Posted Dec. 13, 2015 2:53pm I still get a gift from Santa, and I'm 37... I don't see it as lying at all, it's a global tradition. My Brother and I found out for ourselves about Santa and we're not mentally scarred. A couple of friends waiting until their kids were old enough to figure it out and explained that Santa only come to small children, and they accepted it. I say do what you want to do and ignore her, if your mil doesn't like it, well, tough.
	Comment from Summer0120 » Posted Dec. 13, 2015 11:46am Don't know why my phone keeps changing "my" to "N.Y." lol
	Comment from Summer0120 » Posted Dec. 13, 2015 11:00am N.Y. siblings and I grew up not believing in Santa. N.Y. mom felt the same way about not wanting to lie to us just to let us down later. My ex husband didn't care either way, so I raised my two daughters the same way. Now that I have another baby coming, my SO is excited about the Santa tradition. Why in the world would I want to take that from him? Even my daughters are going to go along with the Santa thing for the new baby. Your mil just sounds very selfish and set in her ways. Don't give in at all. I did way too much in my first marriage for his family, and I regret it so much. Your husband also needs to speak up for you both.
	Comment from Amanda_McDaniel » Posted Dec. 13, 2015 7:12am You just have to put your foot down where you want it and be grateful if this is as bad as she gets.
	Comment from Amanda_McDaniel » Posted Dec. 13, 2015 7:11am Yeah, it sounds like someone wants to be the star of Christmas with her granddaughter... My mother-in-law is kind of like that (except, if you don't at least to pretend to believe in Santa, you can just go home...) and probably always will be because they make more money than us. A