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MrsFord's Pregnancy
My Due Date: November 4, 2017I have given birth!
Age: 40 years old
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One and done? (Mostly some rambling)
By MrsFord » Posted Apr. 24, 2018 7:42pm - 347 views - 0 comments
Well my son is 6 months old. I seriously have no clue what we did before he was here. He is my whole world. I am so thankful that we get a year maternity leave in Canada as there is no way I could have gone back to work after a few weeks or few months. I cherish every single moment with him and am already having anxiety about having to leave him and go back to work in 6 months. Hubby and Inare toying with the idea of men or going back to work at all... we have our own company and it is doing very well and pulling a salary is a possibility but was in our “3 year plan” not our 1 year plan. We’re undecided. My work thinks I’m going back. And I LOVE where I work and they are open to me coming back even part time as they’d rather have me part time then not at all. We’re going to revisit in 3 months and see where we’re at. Anyways, as per my journal title, I keep having this feeling that we may be “one and done” with our son - not necessarily by choice. AF has not returned. I am still EBF and not really willing to give that up at this point. He has started solids but we are currently on our second “break” from them as LO keeps getting backed up - poor little dude. We’re workign with the ped to get him on a better probiotic to see if that helps. I’m having a bit of a hard time thinking that I may only get to be pregnant once, carry one baby, have one newborn.... and then I feel incredibly guilty that I’m feeling that way- like what’s wrong with me, why isn’t my son enough - he is my everything! How could I possibly find room in my heart for more love?!?. I’ve been super tough on myself about it. I don’t actually think he’s not enough - he was chosen for me and I am so thankful and blessed that we have him and if he is our only child I am perfectly ok with that, even though I do long for another. It’s a strange feeling- I’m not quite sure how to put into words what I’m feeling. Reading this back sounds slightly ridiculous. Watching him grow and experience the world is so amazing. Growing up I didn’t know if I wanted children. It wasn’t until I lost my ovary that I realized how important it was to me when I felt the decision may have been taken away from me. Now I know I was meant to be a mother, meant to have this little boy to guide and grow and nurture. He is my purpose.
On a lighter note, E is doing absolutely amazing. He is sitting up on his own, rolling back and forth and almost crawling- mostly he just inchworms but he can only go backwards and sideways. He stands holding onto things by himself. He loves the dog and jumping in his jolly jumper. He keeps me on my toes and I’ve never laughed so much in my life. He is a total Mama’s boy and I can’t say I’m upset by that <3
My Journal
One and done? (Mostly some rambling)
By MrsFord » Posted Apr. 24, 2018 7:42pm - 347 views - 0 comments
Well my son is 6 months old. I seriously have no clue what we did before he was here. He is my whole world. I am so thankful that we get a year maternity leave in Canada as there is no way I could have gone back to work after a few weeks or few months. I cherish every single moment with him and am already having anxiety about having to leave him and go back to work in 6 months. Hubby and Inare toying with the idea of men or going back to work at all... we have our own company and it is doing very well and pulling a salary is a possibility but was in our “3 year plan” not our 1 year plan. We’re undecided. My work thinks I’m going back. And I LOVE where I work and they are open to me coming back even part time as they’d rather have me part time then not at all. We’re going to revisit in 3 months and see where we’re at. Anyways, as per my journal title, I keep having this feeling that we may be “one and done” with our son - not necessarily by choice. AF has not returned. I am still EBF and not really willing to give that up at this point. He has started solids but we are currently on our second “break” from them as LO keeps getting backed up - poor little dude. We’re workign with the ped to get him on a better probiotic to see if that helps. I’m having a bit of a hard time thinking that I may only get to be pregnant once, carry one baby, have one newborn.... and then I feel incredibly guilty that I’m feeling that way- like what’s wrong with me, why isn’t my son enough - he is my everything! How could I possibly find room in my heart for more love?!?. I’ve been super tough on myself about it. I don’t actually think he’s not enough - he was chosen for me and I am so thankful and blessed that we have him and if he is our only child I am perfectly ok with that, even though I do long for another. It’s a strange feeling- I’m not quite sure how to put into words what I’m feeling. Reading this back sounds slightly ridiculous. Watching him grow and experience the world is so amazing. Growing up I didn’t know if I wanted children. It wasn’t until I lost my ovary that I realized how important it was to me when I felt the decision may have been taken away from me. Now I know I was meant to be a mother, meant to have this little boy to guide and grow and nurture. He is my purpose.
On a lighter note, E is doing absolutely amazing. He is sitting up on his own, rolling back and forth and almost crawling- mostly he just inchworms but he can only go backwards and sideways. He stands holding onto things by himself. He loves the dog and jumping in his jolly jumper. He keeps me on my toes and I’ve never laughed so much in my life. He is a total Mama’s boy and I can’t say I’m upset by that <3
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