Answered by kCharleneS - Dec. 24, 2012 10:26am
Honestly, coming from a family where my father was and still is an alcoholic, you need to talk with him and not let it slide at all. The problem with alcoholics is one beer is not enough. They HAVE to get drunk. It is a crutch and a coping mechanism. If you let him go out on the weekends and drink, it'll become more frequent. He'll feel, "she's letting me doing it on the weekends, maybe she'll let me have one drink during the week to relax" and it'll just keep going. You'll be enabling him. Alcoholism is a disease and he needs to know that you mean business. Let him know that you know about the drinking and if he doesn't stop, you and baby are gone. Take this from someone who has lived and grown up with this, you don't want that around your baby. I love my dad, and I'm very close with him, but he spent so much of mine and my son's life drunk. I honestly don't remember a single moment of my dad being sober and that's with him going to rehab and then jail for failing UAs. We th
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Answered by a member - Nov. 6, 2012 2:46pm
I just feel like I gave him a set guideline and that if I let this go that he'll never listen to me and what I have to say. He didn't treat me horrible when he used to drink, but he is/was so much better since he quit. It really brought us closer together. The thought of him drinking again, even just once a week worries me. He was such a big drinker and we've already committed to the fact that that will never be allowed around our child. I just feel like he's being sneaky and ignoring my wishes. If he weren't such a big drinker it would t be such a big deal. But it was so bad that now knowing he's been doing it behind my back makes me doubt that we should be together. I love him so much though and don't want to walk away over something I might just be over reacting to.
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Answered by a member - Nov. 6, 2012 2:04pm
Continued.. He received a text this morning and I answered his phone for him. His friend had text him and said he bought him a bottle of booze and wanted him to come hang out this weekend. Also there was another text he sent a different friend saying 'let's get drunk this weekend'. Wtf?! Which makes me assume he's been drinking lately. I didn't say anything to him this morning becuase I was crushed. I'm due in a week and he's hiding this stuff from me, I just feel so ashamed. Should I just leave him now, while its easier than not wanting to after the baby is here? Should I confront him and let him try to explain himself? Is there really anything he can say that would make what he's done okay?
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Answered by a member - Nov. 6, 2012 8:53pm
I'm writing my response before I read others so it's not biased. You called him a "raging" alcoholic. Does he get angry? What do you oppose about his drinking? I think that there isn't anything wrong with drinking occasionally, as long as a) it is occasionally, b) he is well behaved and controlled and not putting himself or anyone else in danger. c) there is no reason to be coming home between 2-6 am every weekend.
The part that bothers me is the lying. I think you and him need to sit down and discuss it. He quit cold turkey, but alcohol alone isn't evil. Maybe you could discuss letting him go have a guys night out once a month where he can be out drinking (again provided other things). Drinking is social, he may just miss time with his friends where he doesn't have to say "gf says I can't drink."
Did you drink too before you got pregnant? I guess I feel like there is room to compromise, as long as he isn't being a jerk or making it a problem.
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