Questions & Answers

It's not as hard as BGG is telling you. I changed my son's name, FIRST and LAST names. I also do a lot of legal work, for both civil and family law filings, and can tell you, it is pretty basic for all states as long as both parents agree to the name change. Also, if you are low income, you can file for a fee waiver for the name change, and that will leave you with a publication fee of about $90-200 for a 4 week run. As far lawyer fees, filing for a minors name change is so easy, that to pay a lawyer to do it for you would be a gigantic waste of money. You can get all the forms online, and there are programs that will walk you through it.

As far as the emotional wellbeing of the child, my 4 year old still doesnt know his last name, nor does he care. As long as you change your childs last name before they enter kindergarten, they arent going to know, or care, but more importantly, it's not going to emotionally traumatize them as some might think.

I didn't post the question to have people talk me out of giving the baby my last name. I obviously don't see it as selfish or harming the baby in any way. I was simply asking what other people's experiences were and what they thought. Don't try to talking me out of it becuase my mind is made up. Please don't comment if all you're going to do is try convincing me other wise.

Whatever you decide, just make sure that the opinions of his family don't influence you for the good or bad: For instance, don't feel like you're "giving in" if you change your mind. This is your decision- and, while the opinions of others matter in terms of how loved they feel, you ultimately are the decision maker. Whether you change your mind or stick to your original plan, it doesn't make you more or less strong if you are making the decision to do what is best for your baby and your relationship with your fiance. Just know that, temporary or not, your decision will follow you for many years.

Did you tell them it doesn't matter whose last name baby has in regards to child support? What a stupid thing to say! If their argument held any merit wouldn't you be more likely to get child support if you gave baby HIS last name and not yours??

I do wonder when you plan to get married. I think it would be more confusing for a young child to go from one last name to another. If you plan to do it very soon (before child understands last names) or much later when child can understand why the name change then maybe not an issue. But in the early years of school it seems like it would be weird for a child (though I guess children do this frequently with divorces and remarriages).

As well, did you consider all the extra paper work you'd be making for yourself by giving baby one name now and changing it? I've been married over 2 years now and am still not up to date on all the name change paperwork!!!

Just things to consider!

I was in the same situation. We were supposed to get married this summer, but finally got pregnant (after TTC for 1.5 yrs), so we postponed the wedding. Our son took my last name, and once we get married, then we're both switching our last names. Apparently his family had something to say (never said anything to my face though) about the last name. It's really none of anyone else's business except for yours and the Dads! I'd ignore everyone else, because it's only yours and his opinions that matter!! Best of luck Mama!

My OH and I don't share a surname and never plan to do so. Personally, I wouldn't want anybody else's name but mine! We're going to double-barrel the baby's name, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with your baby having your surname. She's not more yours than his, so why should his name be there and yours not? Maybe try asking people why they feel he has more right to share a name with your child than you do?

On the other hand, it does seem strange that you plan to get married and change your name, but don't want to give your child his name until you do. It sounds as though (and I don't mean to offend you here) you're not 100% sure the wedding will take place. Maybe this is what upsets people? At the end of the day, if you're sure you're going to marry your baby's father, why wait until baby's a toddler to change his/her name? I agree with PP; it sounds like a lot of paper work! If you're not sure the wedding will take place, then it's something you should discuss with you fiance.

I so agree with you! I am currently pregnant right now and plan on doing the same thing it has nothing to do with being ashamed! You do what u feel is best and it is amazing that your fiancée supports you in that decision sounds like a great guy! All the best luck to you!!!

Whatever the reasoning for doing it is between you and your fiance. It is no one else's place to decide that for you. HOWEVER, in almost every state in the US you have to hire an attorney ad litem (to represent the child) and go to court to get the baby's name changed. It is a lot more cost effective, if you know for a fact you are getting married, to give the baby his last name and just have to change your name. Changing a child's name is not the same as changing your name when you get married. Best of luck to you.

My then fiance and I were 24 when we had our son. In our minds, there was no possibility that we wouldn't get married so we went ahead and gave our son my now-husband's last name. In my eyes, it was easier to just have to change mine when we got married than to change mine and our son's. It was a headache enough to have the hospital have him as my husband's last name for a few days. Everything was under my last name then we had to follow up with the hospital and his pediatrician's office to change it to my husband's. I can't imagine what all would be included in having to change a baby's last name...I'm sure not as much as it took to do with mine, but it was just our preference to use my husband's.

Hope this helps.

To be honest, giving the baby your name seems kind of self-absorbed, like you are claiming total ownership and declaring independence. Both of those are fine for a single mother but if you want your fiance to have that lovely sense of co-ownership why not use his name? No one ever doubts who the mother is so you don't have to put your stamp on the baby, but letting the father share is a good generous move.