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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by mich5225

Q: Father question- not sure if baby is mine. What to do?

I'm in college and had 3 time hook up with girl I barely knew. No judgement- most of us have been there. I didn't use protection the second time-February 2- because she said she was on the pill. On February 20, she tells me she is pregnant with our baby. Says last period was in December though. February 27-she goes to hospital with bleeding/cramps. Says that she lost twin, but the other baby's heartbeat is strong. I question whether it is really mine and she says she hasn't been with anyone else. Ultrasound on March 5. She won't let me go to appointment b/c I will "just ask a lot of questions and make her uncomfortable." She shows me picture. I take it on my own to another OB/GYN office and show to midwife, ob/gyn and ultrasound tech (who has 30 years experience) who say baby is 9 weeks along-was conceived about January 12, but this isn't official.

I tell her all of this. She says there was someone else, but they used protection so it couldn't have been him. What do I do

This question was asked Mar. 13, 2015 5:26pm
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (20)

Answered by stickybean1976 - Mar. 14, 2015 2:28am

I forgot to say, go into the ultrasound gallery and you'll be able to compare the scan pictures to others and have a look at other 6w scan pics and 7,8,9 weeks etc to compare, it may help.

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Answered by stickybean1976 - Mar. 14, 2015 2:23am

I've just looked at the scan pic. I've had 6 pregnancy and a zillion LOL ultrasounds due to recurrent miscarriages. There is NO WAY that scan is 6 weeks. It is definitely further on than that, you can clearly see arm & leg buds starting to form. I would go back to her and confront her. Tell her you know that this scan picture is not a 6w old foetal pole and she what she says. Again I wish you the best of luck for your situation.

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Answered by CaliTexBaby - Mar. 13, 2015 10:54pm

I'm going to bring up a point, the only protection that is 100% is abstinence, even the pill isn't 100% and the effectiveness goes down if antibiotics are used at anytime. So the baby may be someone else's. You don't know her history and it would make things difficult for you to keep asking something she's not willing to be honest about. I also think the scan looks closer to 9 weeks than 6. However, if I were you, I would ask her what part she wants you to play in this event. To me it only makes sense that if you are the father that you would at least have the right to know how your baby is progressing, that would include asking the fetus' doctor questions about it's health. Plus, my thinking is she's done the most uncomfortable thing one can do, bare all to a stranger, certainly a few questions wouldn't be bothersome.

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Answered by 4yearswaitingxxx - Mar. 13, 2015 8:15pm

iv looked at the ultrasound and it does look around 9 weeks, (comparing it to my scans). im so sorry your going through this. My advice would be try stay patient until the baby is born and get paternity test, in the meantime if its causing you anxiety maybe go talk to a therapist i find that helps me through stressful times, but i would recommend be pro-active now and have a savings account and start saving as much as you can, that way you have the money right away for the test and if results are you are the father then you will have some money aside to support your child. i hope the next few months go fast for you. best of luck

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Answered by Sunshinebaby - Mar. 13, 2015 7:53pm

Its hard to say, it looks like it was zoomed in, and in that case it can be 6 weeks...

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Answered by mich5225 - Mar. 13, 2015 7:17pm

Ok, I uploaded the picture. The picture says it is 6 weeks, 3 months only because that is what it should be if it was mine. Does it look older than that to anyone else?

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Answered by fanny-melly - Mar. 13, 2015 7:09pm

Go to your profile and you can add the ultrasound pic there . Then we could look at it and tell what we think.

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Answered by mich5225 - Mar. 13, 2015 6:43pm

I came to this website because I've spent the last week comparing the ultrasound picture to six weeks (where it should be if mine) and 9 week (where my ob/gyn opinion said it should be). I wanted to attach the picture to this question, but it wouldn't let me.

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Answered by stickybean1976 - Mar. 13, 2015 6:32pm

Sorry your going through this. You don't sound like a bad guy at all. It's a real tough situation as I'm sure you want to be involved if the babies yours but not to get through the next 9mths of invested time and emotion to then find out it's not yours. I don't really have an idea or solution just offering support. We don't often get a Dad on here, I hope other woman might have some ideas for you. You may just have to keep in contact and wait until the baby is born for that paternity test. Best of luck.

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Answered by mich5225 - Mar. 13, 2015 6:02pm

I couldn't include everything in my question. I probably sounded like a big butt to her, but I told her I couldn't get emotionally or financially involved unless paternity test is done. That won't occur until after birth. There were too many discrepancies and doubts about whether I was really the father. If it is mine, I don't want to be "that guy" who isn't supportive but my bs radar keeps going off.

BTW- valuable lessons learned about sex and relationships. I have beaten myself up about that already.

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