Answered by momtobe1992 - Jun. 19, 2012 3:14am
I was kind of in that situation when we told my MIL about my pregnancy. This being my first pregnancy she congratulated me but in a disappointing way. I was kind of hung back on that, didn't really bring it up with her. She has other grandchildren from all her sons (including my husband, I have a step-son) But now she seems more relaxed and she doesn't bother me much after I got pregnant. Oh the in laws and dramas!!
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Answered by jenniferose88 - Jun. 19, 2012 12:33am
I woulnd't worry about it.. if my MIL would leave me alone like that, I would be in complete Heaven. My MIL thinks that she needs to babysit me, and tell me what to do, and I'm totally over it!
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Answered by looney - Jun. 19, 2012 12:01am
You are so welcome, Kristin. It's always easier said then done! I know that!! I read "Making Love Last Forever" and one of the key things he taught me, was no matter how "wronged" I feel, I have to focus on the root of my pain... and generally, it always falls into a category of disappointment, fear, hurt or embarrassment. If I can just focus on those feelings, not anger, I can better forgive, I can better accept people's mistakes, and I can love more honestly and thoroughly. Life is such a crazy game. The best we can do is try our hardest to love everyone to death no matter how little they deserve it. (PS i have a crazy ass MIL too!) Everything, is always easier said then done!!! Good luck, much love to you. You and your baby are amazing! Keep up the love <3.
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Answered by knicole27 - Jun. 18, 2012 11:48pm
You know Val.. I am glad you posted that. As it is a great reminder to not be so bitter about it. Its not going to get me anywhere. AND at least Liam DOES have grandparents that are over the moon excited for him no matter what number grandchild it is for them. Its def hard to be around her because she is VERY negative but.. your right forgiveness is key.. she is the way she is. I am never gonna be able to change her and.. thats ok too. Thanks for that perspective. :)
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Answered by looney - Jun. 18, 2012 11:44pm
...both of the emotions of hurt and disappointment easily turn into anger and resentment. Focus on the root of your pain, hurt and disappointment, and realize the anger is just a manifestation of those deep feelings of inadequacy. The anger will only blind you.
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Answered by looney - Jun. 18, 2012 11:42pm
I've lived my whole life dropping people from my life that didn't seem to put enough in, or whom made mistakes. I guess now that I'm realizing how lonely I am, I wish had had more forgiveness and a bigger heart to have accepted their faults.
She is wrong, but try and forgive her awful black heart. Continue to be the awesome DIL you are, and continue to *try* and include her in your life, in your family, no matter how much she kicks... because one day, ONE DAY, you might have a relationship with her, that you might be grateful for. Better yet, one day, you might have a relationship with her, that SHE is grateful for, and it will be YOU who pulled her close and kept her in the family circle, when she deserved little but a kick in the ass.
You are not over-reacting, your feelings are of course valid, and the root to it all is hurt and disappointment. Focus on the hurt, and the disappointment, because both those emotions can get....
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Answered by knicole27 - Jun. 18, 2012 11:32pm
Thanks Gina and Brenda. I do need to talk to her.. i may try the hubby route first because she is difficult to talk to. She is very opinionated and.. her opinion is ALWAYS right. She always has to have the last word and I have found myself arguing with her over stupid things so she can prove me wrong.. and she will. She will get out her lil iphone and everything to make sure i look stupid and that i am wrong.. about everything especially in pregnancy. The problem is I am married to her first born son.. and i have always felt from the beginning I was just not "good enough" for her. Then her middle son gets married and her and my SIL are all of a sudden like BFF's. My FIL is not married to my MIL anymore (shocker lol) but my FIL and his wife plan to come out and stay.. my MIL does too..but she said not till october is she planning to come out. i am tempted just stop sending her the photos and tagging her in them...
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Answered by bguertner - Jun. 18, 2012 11:03pm
Oh the dreaded MIL! I have one of those too but thankfully we haven't heard much from them since our son was born 10 years ago. In my case the MIL would voice her opinions (she had no filter) and I could never do anything right for her son - or at least not as good as she could. I agree with what Gina said, you are not overreacting AT ALL and definitely voice your opinions to your husband - it is his mother and he needs to stand up for you. Why do they think it is ok to do this kind of stuff? You are trying to include her in your baby's life and the special moments and she is ignoring every gesture. She would be the first to complain if she wasn't getting the updates and ultrasound pictures and everyone else was I bet. Hang in there sweetie, do your MIL and FIL plan to come visit you guys once Liam has arrived?
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Answered by ginabee - Jun. 18, 2012 9:35pm
Heck no. You aren't overreacting. Will you be able to talk to your DH soon? Can you voice your frustrations to him and see if he has any words of advice for you? Or just confront her yourself about it and tell her how you feel. That her lack of excitement/response makes you feel like she isn't excited about this baby and that it hurts you. See what she says. It completely sounds like it's purposeful to me, personally.
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Answered by knicole27 - Jun. 18, 2012 9:03pm
continued..... Am i just overreacting? or too emotional? because it hurts my feelings. Not only do I tag her on facebook in Liam's u/s photos but I also send them to her in an e-mail ... i have NEVER gotten any response of thanks from her or.. input at all honestly. I even asked her in an e-mail if she thought Liam looked like my husband. Since I have not seen baby photos of him.. only photos from toddler aged up.. NOTHING. No response but she has all the time in the world to respond and just go on and on and on about her wonderful grand children from her other son. Even some of her friends will comment on her photos that I tag her in. They give me more support than her. ... again.. am I wrong for my feelings being hurt???
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