Questions & Answers

Just an update: I expressed how I felt to my husband, and thank god, he is on the same page as me. He agrees that we should have at least one or two nights alone, as a family, before any visitors come. He completely understood that I may not be in decent condition (or him for that matter) to receive visitors. My stress and overwhelming feeling has finally melted away. Thanks for all of your stories and advice!!

I'm so glad I'm not alone with this feeling. I can not imagine having my future mother-in-law staying with us when the baby just arrived. Gosh she would comment on everything. I don't even know if I want my mom here for very long.... I guess....I don't know... I mean I love her and I need her, but it can be just too much if you know what I mean :) and I want at least the first few days only for us. anyway..I still have 6 months to think about it :)))
Our situation is not so simple coz all our famly lives in Europe, so if they come to visit, they stay for weeks with us.

I feel for ya! But my in-laws live across the street from me and DH wants them to spend a couple weeks after I come home! I straight up told him, I want my privacy and this is my first baby, I wasn't planning on bringing someone over to "help" me out. I know I will be tired and all, but I have to learn the responsibilities of parenthood :). I don't have guts to tell my MIL to not come over, and she comes over whenever she feels like it. It's like that comedy TV show "Everybody Loves Raymond"...lol. Anyways, since they're over now, just be patient and ask ur MIL for help around the house. Keep her busy ;)

If they must come, I like the idea of having your husband ask them to stay at a motel. You could also insist (in a funny way, but make it clear you're serious) that anyone who comes to stay with you will be put to work, and you will absolutely not be entertaining. Like a pp said, grocery shopping, laundry, and dishes are all great things to have them do. And go right ahead and wear your pjs, robe, or whatever around the house. You will be recovering from childbirth! You should not have to cater to anyone else in any way.

My parents will be visiting because I invited them (this is our fifth child, so dh and I don't have much privacy anyway). We're having a homebirth, so while I'm very comfortable with my mom and even my dad being there for the birth, I know I would feel awkward and tense if my MIL was there. She asked to come to the birth this time, but didn't automatically presume she'd be welcome or get pushy, so I was happy to invite her to come later.

Ugh I am in the SAME BOAT...I told my husband from the start to tell his family no overnight visits for the first few days at least! Well he went home to visit his mom one weekend (I wasn't there) and he came home and TOLD me she is starting to drive down AS SOON as she finds out I'm in labour and that she plans on staying 3-4 days! I was so annoyed he couldn't stand up to her and tell her my wishes as we had discussed! She is an 7hr drive away and just last week she sent up a pic of her bag already packed and sitting at her doorstep! I love his mom but this has annoyed me! So now I'm the bitch because I may have to call her myself and tell her not to come the INSTANT I am in labour. That means she will be coming home from the hospital with us??? Like, come on! Ugh I'm annoyed just talking about it right now lol...

I can't imagine having extra people in the house at that point in time! I feel so crappy now at 10weeks I wouldn't consider having house guests...but at delivery time and immediately after it sould be about the core family bonding and trying to recover.

I would make a very firm, kind blanket rule for everyone. "we will not be having overnight guests from -- until --, we'll call when we are ready for some daytime visits. Keep the same rule for all family though...if you say no now to some and then let someone else stay it would be very personal, no matter the reasoning.

As well, there is nothing wrong with posting a sign on the door that says... "mom and baby are sleeping we are not accepting guests right now, thank you for stopping by we look foreward to a visit soon" and ignore the doorbell!!

I am so glad I am not the only that would have this same thing happen. My in-laws live 5 hours away and when they come to visit they stay with us. Well when my DH and I went to visit them and told them we are expecting and I ( I didnt want to have to wait for my DH to get around to telling her) have already told my mother-in law that they are more than welcome to be at the hospital when i deliver and they can stay at our house when I am still in the hospital but the day I come home they need to stay at a near by hotel. I didnt want to sound like a bi**h to her or any of them (she can be overwhelming sometimes and into everything) but she said ok because I explained to her that we would want to try and get the baby on a routine as soon as we get home. I was actually shocked she took it so well and understands.

Thanks for the tips. Unfortunetly, his parents and family have always just assumed that they stay at each others homes. Asking them to stay in a hotel would be a slap in the face for them. However, this is an important and special time, and they need to understand that. They show up to visit when it's convenient for them, all the time, despite what my husband and I have going on (like this weekend, for example). I know, this is a discussion to have with my husband. I just felt the need to vent and ask opinions. Also, sorry about my question there.. Not sure what happened with all the weird symbols, haha. It cut most of my question off. Oh well.

i totally understand what you are saying. my in-laws are also planning on coming to stay for a few days after the baby is born, but they will be staying at a nearby hotel. maybe you could bring up that idea to your husband in a polite way. believe it or not, it will be great having them around for the first few days as long as they respect boundaries and let you have your own time with the baby. if i were you, i would have them do the grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, etc. ..and maybe take a couple night time feeding shifts so you can catch up on sleep. take advantage of the help! but dont be afraid to speak up if they overwhelm you, its YOUR new baby, they already had theirs ! best of luck!

Why not ask them to stay in a motel nearby? They can still come over for a visit, but you're right: your needs and those of your baby should come before the feelings of family. And, in this case, your needs most definitely include the need for peace and quiet, with nobody else around!!!!! I am very lucky as my partner's parents and my Dad have all told us that we will have to call and invite them down "when we're ready" .... in other words, no pushing and interfering, which is a nice break from their normal ways of thinking about that stuff :)

Good work standing up for yourself! Stick to your guns and let them know you need privacy :)