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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by stacca

Q: Need some advice on family matter

Hi everyone, sorry this may be a bit long... Me n my 2 bros were in care from a young age (my youngest bro was a baby and adopted out to a different family to me n my middle bro). My middle br and i ended up back with our birth mum when i was 10 and he was 8 yet my other bro was still with another family. Years later he found us and came to stay for a while... we were so happy that our family was back together. Found out later that he had downloaded some child porn onto my mums computer while he was staying there... he admitted it but said it was to 'stitch' my mum up after him suffering abuse at the hands of his adopted parents. He disappeared for a while and when he came back i called the police (i told him that i did) as i had by now had children and wanted this matter cleared up. Long story short... he was put on sex offenders register but not prosecuted for it even though there was a few 'videos and pics' that had been opened and viewed. I made it clear that i loved the person i t

This question was asked May. 16, 2013 4:24pm
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (10)

Answered by stacca - May. 18, 2013 2:10pm

UPDATE... i found out my little sister has been having contact with him as well. They have all been lying to me, tried explaining things to her AGAIN and was told that i am no longer her sister and how DARE i tell her who to speak to. Called my mum to calmly chat about things and she refused to speak and hung up. I have now told them all that NO contact is to be had with me or my children from now on... im very upset. My whole family turned their backs on me for this man, and put my children at risk... im better off alone. Thanku for ur support everyone x

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Answered by taragaby - May. 17, 2013 6:08am

All the ladies are here to support you..so yes, pls update us, and be strong..very strong...this is YOUR time..be calm..but remember you have EVERY right to be concerned - for goodness sake - U were in care - don't be softened by just tears - feel confident - very confident .... also talking to your doc might be a serious option for you to consider..as they may be able to find something that really suits you..Good Luck and God bless You and your little ones - all 3 :)

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Answered by stacca - May. 16, 2013 8:26pm

I think i will go and speak to someone tomoz about it... i cant wait as i dont have long... hopefully someone in my OHs family can take the kids instead of social care. Thankyou for taking the time to reply to me... im a bit emotional today. This isnt something i can sweep under the carpet so ill be putting my foot down... my kids or him! Not taking ANY chances of him being near my kids and it makes me feel sick that she is spending time with him and my kids... in the same building or not! Thanks again... i will update once ive had a CALM conversation with her... x

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Answered by taragaby - May. 16, 2013 7:44pm

Stacca - let me repeat - YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MUM... I completely agree with redrouge - go with your instinct..If you feel that you can't completely trust your mum, is there any social care help that might be available to you - and i know you may not trust them (I would not blame you)..

I think if your mum can REALLY promise she will take care of your children - and YOU Believe her - only then leave your children with her..remember she is used to seeing or knowing about abuse - with you...an indication that she may really not be the best person to leave your children with - again - go with your instinct..

Perhaps the social system or even your hospital may be able to help U (I am in UK and if I were in your situation, I would 'perhaps' go to my local doctor and explain that there is no-one to take care of your children whilst u will be in hospital - I would NOT go into ANY detail about your brother etc..and just say your mother is the only person you know - and she is really ill

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Answered by stacca - May. 16, 2013 5:37pm

Thankyou, i think i needed to hear that im a good mum. My children have just turned 3 and 4 and im 33wks 4days pregnant. I have spoken frankly to my mum, she knows how i feel... it hurts me too as he was lost to us then came back... its like he died to me if that makes sense? I was put into care as my mum couldnt cope and i was being abused by her exhusband and step son... not too sure on the whole story. But i thought people change, she was out of the relationship for years and she deserved a chance... it took me a long time to trust her with my babies. Im shocked and gutted to be honest :(

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Answered by redrouge - May. 16, 2013 5:28pm

what a horrible situation u are in but i think you have your priorities compleatly in order..your job is to protect your children and if u have any doubts what so ever go with ure gut..i was in a choir years ago and my dad never liked the choir master..thought it was strange how he never wanted adults to go anywhere with us on trips or when we were in competions. dad made his feelins clear and was nearly ran out of my town as people said this man did great things for the local children fast forward 10 yrs he was arrested for possesing child porn and sexually abusing kids in the choir..my day was right..trust ure gut..you are amazing and best of luck with the birth

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Answered by taragaby - May. 16, 2013 4:58pm

It is really hard to help you without knowing a lot more detail. For example, we do not know why you were put in care. From reading your post, I think you should be VERY proud for taking such care of your kids - and also protecting other kids but reporting your brother.

I think it would be very hard for me to trust my mother if your circumstance..depends on how she views the *protection of children*...she may have issues of her own and may be blind to your brothers problems..or she may have met him because he is still her son and she needs to love him and he needs his mother's love...

Maybe you can speak to your mother frankly and ask her to promise that your brother will NOT be anywhere near your children...how old are you children?

Is there somewhere else that is *really* safe you can have the children stay?

Again, I think you are an amazing woman and mother - congratulations :)

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Answered by stacca - May. 16, 2013 4:50pm

No one else can look after my kids, ill have to ask OHs family and sort something else out. Extra stress i just did not need... :(

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Answered by kossgirl86 - May. 16, 2013 4:47pm

I would confront her. Is there anyone else you can trust with your kids while you have your baby?

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Answered by stacca - May. 16, 2013 4:28pm

....that i thought he was but i needed to protect my children and i walked away from him. I made it clear to my mum that if there was any association with him then my kids would be put on the 'at risk' register due to the courts informing social services of his interaction with my children previously. I found out today that my mum is on a day out with him and is supposed to be having my children whilst im in hospital having my 3rd baby due in 6 weeks. How do i trust her? She doesnt know that i know yet... Im fuming. Help x

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