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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by Bostonmama08

Q: Would you say something? Or just let it go?

I have had a high risk pregnancy since it began...and have been in and out of Labor and Delivery roughly 5 times since I have been 20 weeks. My husband and I tried for 7 years to have our second child and our family knows how much this baby means to us. Well, my family anyways....

I am having a hard time with my husbands mother....she has been emotionally distant my entire pregnancy. Never asking how things are going, very standoffish. When my husband called his mother out on it, she always says she "doesnt want to bother us and doesnt want to be hopeful if something goes wrong". I find that hurtful, because she is completely wrapped up in my SIL's 4 year old daughter....that little girl rules the world for my MIL.

My concern lies in that I just spent 3 days in the hospital, informed my MIL and havent heard a word from her since Friday to ask us whats going on. I am really hurt by it. She has no idea if I had the baby or if anything is wrong.

Say something

This question was asked Jan. 14, 2014 12:04pm
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (11)

Answered by Lou_85 - Jan. 15, 2014 6:25pm

Seems to me like she isn't taking the fact your on bed rest too seriously, if I was you I would not b hosting any birthday party this weekend. I'm sure your husband will understand as you need to rest and take care of you and your baby.

I think once baby is born your mother in law will prob b completely different. For now I would just try to ignore her and don't let it get to you. You need to look after number one - you n baby. That's most important thing never mind some inconsiderate selfish thoughtless woman.

Hope things go well for ya. x

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Answered by jennavee - Jan. 15, 2014 3:07pm

Sorry for the long post....moral of the story: don't let it distract you from the important thing. You are growing a precious human being. Don't let her control your emotional state...it sounds like she can't even control her own! I hope things get better for you!! Get some rest while on bedrest!! :-)

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Answered by jennavee - Jan. 15, 2014 3:06pm

It sounds like she doesn't know how to handle emotional issues. It IS very inconsiderate, and she should be more sensitive to your situation.
My own mother only had 1 grandson for 7 years...she spoils the crap out of him. She sees him several days a week, buys him clothes on a monthly basis, eats lunch with him at school, etc. The most I've gotten from her with my 1-year-old is the obligatory birthday/christmas gifts, a 30 minute visit every couple of weeks, and that's about it. I know she loves my son, but maybe she feels like if she shares her attention more it will take away from the first grandson. Maybe your MIL feels the same? Who knows... also, my mom has some severe emotional issues that prevent her from being "normal". For instance, I accidentally schedule a Christmas lunch with my siblings that clashed with what she had planned (that she didn't tell anyone about, just assumed we would all be there). She hasn't talked to me since that (about 3 weeks).

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Answered by Bostonmama08 - Jan. 15, 2014 11:47am

UPDATE...my SIL and MIL questioned if I planned on hosting a birthday dinner or party for my husbands birthday this weekend and that set me off. I asked my MIL why she hasnt called or inquired in the last 4 days and she told me she was just "very busy" and figured things were fine. My MIL doesnt work, doesnt drive and doesnt leave the house....so how she was "busy" is beyond me. I am blown away they are expecting me to throw a party for them to come to when I am on bedrest at home...not able to get myself to work....and on medication every 4 hours to make sure I dont go back in to full blown labor. Very inconsiderate in laws. It is unreal to me.

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Answered by Angela18 - Jan. 15, 2014 4:39am

A lot of times I get looked at funny for my honesty, but if it means this much to you, then maybe you should try to talk with her and just say, "hey, my feelings are hurt by your lack of involvement and this baby IS a part of this family whether or not you pretend otherwise or even if something were to happen this late in the pregnancy - so is something else going on with you or are you really afraid?" Tell her you'd appreciate more of her support. If you don't have that kind of relationship with her where you can be honest, then maybe you should let it go. Prayers and support from her would be more beneficial than neglect. So, if you can and you feel you should then do it, but do it honestly and without anger. GL to you girl and hang in there!

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Answered by BeanStick14 - Jan. 15, 2014 1:32am

I have a feeling that maybe she emotionally trying to protect herself from a potential loss by losing herself in her current grandchild. She also might unconsiously think that she may jinx you guys somehow if she gets involved.
Your mother-in-law may be trying to deal with things that are within her control to feel better. It's not rational, but it may be what's going on.
Try talking to her again about this. Let her know how important it is to you guys to include her Don't let this make you feel bitter or angry, the tide will turn for the better and she will love and spoil her new grandchild when they arrive.

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Answered by diamondbaby - Jan. 14, 2014 8:31pm

It's hard, but go with your gut if you really feel that you want to say something then go ahead...... My partners mother is a nice woman but like your MIL is very much wrapped up in her grandson, and when we mention are unborn baby girl she refers to her grandson soooo annoying but I've decided that I'm going to take the high road and when she finally can be bothered I WONT BE, You can only take so much Hun.

Wishing you all the best and I hope things work out well x

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Answered by Queenmommy0914 - Jan. 14, 2014 4:20pm

What a rude woman! I'm sorry you have to deal with that. That is awful :( What I would do is, like what the lady has said here, ignore her. It's tough and really hurts but you a strong mama! You two have worked so hard to bring another little baby into this world! Your husband is there for you and your side of the family. You have support. You don't need her but I know that you want to be accepted by her. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she is upsetting you. Keep your head up and smile. Hope all goes well for you! You are a strong woman and you can get through this!

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Answered by Lindsayomondi - Jan. 14, 2014 1:10pm

Hi dear I would suggest u ignore her and concentrate on your little one...we all know that mother in laws can be a real pain in the ass..sorry to say so..but please think of your baby and pray that your baby comes safely then other things can follow..don't allow her to stress you..and remember think of your little baby because its the most important now...I wish you all the best

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Answered by Lindsayomondi - Jan. 14, 2014 1:10pm

Hi dear I would suggest u ignore her and concentrate on your little one...we all know that mother in laws can be a real pain in the ass..sorry to say so..but please think of your baby and pray that your baby comes safely then other things can follow..don't allow her to stress you..and remember think of your little baby because its the most important now...I wish you all the best

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