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gogoldgoldie1's Pregnancy
My Due Date: I suffered a pregnancy lossAge: 34 years old
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Why I cancelled my appt..
By gogoldgoldie1 » Posted Jun. 4, 2013 4:14pm - 301 views - 3 comments
I really need time to get my thoughts together. I am very very very scared that when I go back I will get bad news and I just want time to change my train of thought. Going in an hearing that the pregnancy might not be viable was sad (more like devastating) for me. I didn't even want to go take the beta just wait it out and know my baby is in there. I started to get symptoms and found out that it is probably that I am not that far along. For goodness sakes, I only waited about 8 days after O to find out I was pregnant lol. I wasted no time.. so I think I went in too early ( which the doctor also said I could have my dates wrong). When I had went in on May 21, I thought I was 6 weeks when in reality I think I was only about 5 or even as little as 4+5.. so maybe thats why they didn't see anything. I am just so afraid that I will go back and they will still see nothing (despite all of these symptoms on and off). Its like my biggest fear and I don't know how to shake it. I KNOW I need to be positive and the women on this site have really helped now i just need to help myself. If I don't believe everything is going to be ok and stop doubting myself then how can something good happen? It's like I am setting myself up for failure. So it's like day by day I want to get out the worries and go to the doctor's office confident that everything is ok and that MY BABY IS OK and IN THERE! Instead of focusing on the good, I focus on the sad stories abt people who miscarry or the baby stopped growing very early even though they had all symptoms and I scare myself out of going to the obgyn. It's frustrating to be so excited but be sad and have doubts at the same time.
My Journal
Why I cancelled my appt..
By gogoldgoldie1 » Posted Jun. 4, 2013 4:14pm - 301 views - 3 comments
I really need time to get my thoughts together. I am very very very scared that when I go back I will get bad news and I just want time to change my train of thought. Going in an hearing that the pregnancy might not be viable was sad (more like devastating) for me. I didn't even want to go take the beta just wait it out and know my baby is in there. I started to get symptoms and found out that it is probably that I am not that far along. For goodness sakes, I only waited about 8 days after O to find out I was pregnant lol. I wasted no time.. so I think I went in too early ( which the doctor also said I could have my dates wrong). When I had went in on May 21, I thought I was 6 weeks when in reality I think I was only about 5 or even as little as 4+5.. so maybe thats why they didn't see anything. I am just so afraid that I will go back and they will still see nothing (despite all of these symptoms on and off). Its like my biggest fear and I don't know how to shake it. I KNOW I need to be positive and the women on this site have really helped now i just need to help myself. If I don't believe everything is going to be ok and stop doubting myself then how can something good happen? It's like I am setting myself up for failure. So it's like day by day I want to get out the worries and go to the doctor's office confident that everything is ok and that MY BABY IS OK and IN THERE! Instead of focusing on the good, I focus on the sad stories abt people who miscarry or the baby stopped growing very early even though they had all symptoms and I scare myself out of going to the obgyn. It's frustrating to be so excited but be sad and have doubts at the same time.
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from aubabylcd » Posted Jun. 5, 2013 1:01pm Sending happy vibes your way! I had also dealt with going in and hearing that my baby was 4 weeks behind schedule without a heartbeat and I know that pain you are fearful of. For me this pregnancy I went in more and the more I went in the more positive it made me feel. I hope that you can experience that too. It's hard to go 4 weeks without an appointment, but maybe you could go in more frequently to check in on things. But definitely get the care you need and it will ease your mind after seeing good things and a developing baby. And one thing I try to do... I try to not read the posts online about MC or losing babies or things that have negative sounding titles... they only make me nervous! Hugs! |
 | Comment from Quartz3 » Posted Jun. 5, 2013 10:24am Negativity is a protection mechanism for many people - it is for me and it sounds like it is for you too. My first pregnancy ended at 17 weeks and I spent pretty much the first four months of this pregnancy convinced it was going to go wrong again. Actually, I'm still terrified something is going to happen! I told myself I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than have my hopes crash down again. I don't think it's a bad way to deal with things. But as the previous poster said, it is critical for you to get all the prenatal care you need, no matter how scary it can be. Good luck! |
| Comment from stephpan » Posted Jun. 5, 2013 9:34am Putting it off might make things worse - unfortunately - one way or another you are going to find out. I know how hard it is to be positive. My whole pregnancy I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop - every scan, every appointment, I have been convinced that something was going to be wrong. In the in between times I have been happy and excited - but I have struggled with not letting the worry overtake me. Getting the prenatal care you need is critical for you and the baby - and if you don't go in they can't help you! Take a deep breath and just rip the bandaid off - you can do it! I know it will be a relief for you to not wonder or worry either way. |
