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Ladysg's Pregnancy
My Due Date: March 13, 2015I have given birth!
Age: 36 years old
Location: South Africa
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Relationship vent...
By Ladysg » Posted Dec. 26, 2014 12:21am - 657 views - 3 comments
So a little bit of background...my partner and I where high school sweethearts...broke up after I finished tertiary due to him not been serious about life and basically just living day to day and expecting hand outs. So during our time apart...met someone else (big mistake there too) we fell in love and soon fell pregnant and gave birth to my beautiful son (that one is a story for another day). After baby daddy and I broke up I was on a break for a while and decided to communicate more with my ex (my now partner). For the record I dearly loved this guy back in the day...I just had a problem with his laziness.
So after 3 years being apart he seemed like a normal guy now...he was holding down a job and he seemed responsible (was helping take care of his nieces and nephews). So lil old me...thought...he has worked on those weak points I pointed out when we broke up. I was upfront with him that I have a child now and I soon found out that his recent ex was expecting a baby...bummer....so I just thought...this can't really be a train smash...So we continued dating for a couple of months (of which during this time he "moved in" to my house and I didn't see a problem with that. Just that he was a slob and I realized that that part of him hasn't really changed. We had our occasional fights about him being a slob and not helping around the house...
Things just got really tough around the house when it came to finances so I made the decision for us to move back home (before this happened he had engaged me and I was oh so happy). But I had to do this. He was not happy with the moving back to his parents' house and I seriously saw no problem with moving back home with my folks. I know it's a temporary thing until I get back on my feet. During this time I found out that we were expecting....my logical thinking was...if I can't afford this household now...how am I going to manage with an extra child....he wasn't too happy but I simply said tough luck....it has to be done.
We thought of breaking off the engagement then and I thought at that moment it might have been a good thing. This guy was not really helping me financially...the bond was all on me, I had to make sure that I force him to get groceries every month...I was the one paying the helper...though we had agreed to go 50/50 with the helper payment. And on the side I have my own debt to deal with....so I couldn't handle it anymore.
I realized that I'm still dealing with the same person I left 3 years ago...all that grew was his age and nothing else. He still wanted to be taken care off like a little boy...but somehow wants respect like a grown man. I can't see myself respecting someone that I am taking care off...he's like my other son (just grown).
We still fight...mainly about his stupidity...and lack of drive when it comes to life. This person is 28 years old...but he thinks like a teenager. He got retrenched about 5 months ago...and he has not even once looked for another job. I keep on asking if I'm supposed to look after this family alone....he keeps on telling me that he is trying and it's really hard...how hard could be to look for a job????
He has no shame at all but ask for money...and I'm like....I'm paying all the bills we have now...alone...I'm basically preparing for this coming child...alone....he has bought a few items (and even with that I had to force him to). Like...I can't anymore...I'm constantly stressed and unhappy...and then he would have the nerve to seriously wait for my pay day and ask me for cash and say he will replace it...how...I have become so stubborn when it comes to money now...I told myself until I see him put effort into looking for a look and start being a man...I refuse to give him a single cent...I feel horrible sometimes...but I told myself I can not be the enabler for his behavior.
I'm disappointed...
My Journal
Relationship vent...
By Ladysg » Posted Dec. 26, 2014 12:21am - 657 views - 3 comments
So a little bit of background...my partner and I where high school sweethearts...broke up after I finished tertiary due to him not been serious about life and basically just living day to day and expecting hand outs. So during our time apart...met someone else (big mistake there too) we fell in love and soon fell pregnant and gave birth to my beautiful son (that one is a story for another day). After baby daddy and I broke up I was on a break for a while and decided to communicate more with my ex (my now partner). For the record I dearly loved this guy back in the day...I just had a problem with his laziness.
So after 3 years being apart he seemed like a normal guy now...he was holding down a job and he seemed responsible (was helping take care of his nieces and nephews). So lil old me...thought...he has worked on those weak points I pointed out when we broke up. I was upfront with him that I have a child now and I soon found out that his recent ex was expecting a baby...bummer....so I just thought...this can't really be a train smash...So we continued dating for a couple of months (of which during this time he "moved in" to my house and I didn't see a problem with that. Just that he was a slob and I realized that that part of him hasn't really changed. We had our occasional fights about him being a slob and not helping around the house...
Things just got really tough around the house when it came to finances so I made the decision for us to move back home (before this happened he had engaged me and I was oh so happy). But I had to do this. He was not happy with the moving back to his parents' house and I seriously saw no problem with moving back home with my folks. I know it's a temporary thing until I get back on my feet. During this time I found out that we were expecting....my logical thinking was...if I can't afford this household now...how am I going to manage with an extra child....he wasn't too happy but I simply said tough luck....it has to be done.
We thought of breaking off the engagement then and I thought at that moment it might have been a good thing. This guy was not really helping me financially...the bond was all on me, I had to make sure that I force him to get groceries every month...I was the one paying the helper...though we had agreed to go 50/50 with the helper payment. And on the side I have my own debt to deal with....so I couldn't handle it anymore.
I realized that I'm still dealing with the same person I left 3 years ago...all that grew was his age and nothing else. He still wanted to be taken care off like a little boy...but somehow wants respect like a grown man. I can't see myself respecting someone that I am taking care off...he's like my other son (just grown).
We still fight...mainly about his stupidity...and lack of drive when it comes to life. This person is 28 years old...but he thinks like a teenager. He got retrenched about 5 months ago...and he has not even once looked for another job. I keep on asking if I'm supposed to look after this family alone....he keeps on telling me that he is trying and it's really hard...how hard could be to look for a job????
He has no shame at all but ask for money...and I'm like....I'm paying all the bills we have now...alone...I'm basically preparing for this coming child...alone....he has bought a few items (and even with that I had to force him to). Like...I can't anymore...I'm constantly stressed and unhappy...and then he would have the nerve to seriously wait for my pay day and ask me for cash and say he will replace it...how...I have become so stubborn when it comes to money now...I told myself until I see him put effort into looking for a look and start being a man...I refuse to give him a single cent...I feel horrible sometimes...but I told myself I can not be the enabler for his behavior.
I'm disappointed...
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from Ladysg » Posted Dec. 27, 2014 3:26am @Papas~Mama It's really sad...I can't believe I'm in the trap again. My word...not nice at all. But like I always tell my mother...I can't be taking care of a man... If he's ready to man up...he will...but I doubt it. I foresee a final break-up soon. He just makes me so mad...I can't believe someone can be irresponsible....so careless...I'm seriously still in shock. I'm trying to get through this pregnancy as best as I can so that I can bring a healthy baby into this world...and then I will deal with him. Thanks for the response. Makes me feel so much better :) |
 | Comment from Papas~Mama » Posted Dec. 26, 2014 4:43pm relationship. GL:| |
| Comment from Papas~Mama » Posted Dec. 26, 2014 4:42pm Wow, your fiance` sounds so similar to my EX-husband. We got divorced over ten years ago; our son is now 12. My ex is 32 yrs old and I got wise to his lazy sh*t about a year into our marriage. He makes excuse after excuse after about why he "can't" find work, and has absolutely no shame about asking people for money and no shame about never giving it back. He blames the world for everything that "happens" to him(negative consequences for his repetitive stupid choices). I've known him for almost 15 years now, and although he has shining "moments" where he keeps a job for a few months, something always "happens" and he gets fired or quits. Long story short, it's been 15 yrs and he's still the same lazy, good-for-nothing, self-entitled loser that was as a teenager. I always hope for my son's sake that he'll provide a better example but I no longer believe it will happen. He's proven that he'll never change. I'd be very cautious proceeding in your re |
