bguertner's Pregnancy

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27 weeks along and feel like a total failure
By bguertner » Posted Oct. 3, 2012 6:00pm - 636 views - 6 comments

I went to the doctor yesterday for a follow up ultrasound, NST, and check up because of all the contractions I have been having lately. Good news is everything looks great and my cervix is not changing! After the ultrasound, the nurse takes me to the room to do the NST and upon walking into the room she blurts out "well you bombed your glucose test". I am not sure if it was the news that shocked me more or the way it was presented to me but I broke down in total hysterics and I couldn't stop crying. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't do what my body was designed to do - provide a safe and healthy place for my unborn baby to develop and grow for 9 months. This pregnancy has been full of problems and it really makes me wonder if I should even be pregnant in the first place. I can't help but feel like a complete failure as a mother. The nurse kept telling me it's not my fault and that it is just my body's way of handling the pregnancy but I have a list of reasons why it IS my fault. I can't help but fear that I have hurt my baby in some way so I am really no longer excited about having a baby. I am sure these feelings will pass with time (or I guess I am hoping they will pass), and I hope I get that excitement back. Pregnancy has consumed my life since February of this year and it is just weird not to want anything to do with it right now. I am really hoping that by writing in this journal, it will help me to get my feelings out and maybe get some support from others. I hate feeling this way :(

Comments for this Journal Entry

	Comment from klara2222 » Posted Oct. 6, 2012 7:15am I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. :( I get those feelings every now and then because my body feels like it's breaking down around me: achy, sore, stiff, cramped and just a feeling like a hangover a lot of the time. I get lots of people telling me that I should be excited because I'm pregnant, but sorry, that isn't always how it is. I end up feeling guilty about disliking the pain and experience, which just sucks. Please know about GD that it can be controlled quite well through diet now that you know... The nurse was a jerk to say it the way she did, but knowing what's going on is what's important! *Hugs* and hang in there!
	Comment from Dylsmommy » Posted Oct. 4, 2012 3:16pm Oh hunny it is NOT your fault! I bombed mine my first pregnancy and really kinda expect it this time around too! I didn't eat anything before the test, I am not a snacker or a junk food person its just that I wasn't regulating like I am supposed to. I ended up going for the second test and did just fine after the first one. You will probably be the same way too! In no way does that make you a failure, somethings can't be controlled and with being pregnant you should know right now your body is out of your hands! You will be a great mother, you are just having one of our hormonal days! You will have those. In the end just do what the doctors tell you to get your body right and continue being excited for you are carrying one of the greatest gifts that anyone can ask for!! This is just a hiccup and this too shall pass! HUGS!!!
	Comment from DanielleS » Posted Oct. 4, 2012 9:56am I failed my glucose test with my first baby too. Then ended in a C section because I failed to progress. I know how it feels to not do what woman are "Meant" to do. BUT that being said, I have a beautiful baby girl who I love more than anything is this world. So none of that matters. Now I'm pregnant again. At 20 weeks I found out I had Placenta Previa. More bad news! That has now cleared up. Some woman just face different issues and pregnancy has a million issues that can come up at any given time! All that matters is that baby getting here healthy and happy!!
	Comment from Lucky3 » Posted Oct. 4, 2012 7:25am I am so sorry you are feeling that way. Even though you have a list of reasons why you think its your fault, its not. Try to not be so hard on yourself. I'd bet that emotions from pregnancy are causing much of what you are feeling because I know you're already a good mom. You know it too. You still have a healthy baby to keep growing so don't give up, and so far, so good. I really hope you feel better soon. How can I help? You want Cinnabon??? :-) Stay strong. I'll be thinking of you. Let me know if you need anything.
	Comment from Zarimomy » Posted Oct. 4, 2012 4:21am Hey sweety just relax and take it is THIS PHASE TOO SHALL PASS. once you get to hold that lil baby that u love so unbelievably much will make all this seem like childs play. iT will get better just try to stay positive for the bby
	Comment from ttc4baby2 » Posted Oct. 3, 2012 7:44pm I just wanted to let you know with my first pregnancy I failed my glucose test and had to put on medacation because of it! I was so freaked out!! I felt the same way it had taken me so long to get pregnant and it felt like my body was not made to do this!! It will pass though hun! You can do this! You are already a good mom because you care so much right now!! You will do fine and your baby will be fine!!