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Trying To Go On

Category: Special - Miscarriage & Loss
Posted by MsShona » Jul. 11, 2013 4:08pm

Hello everyone. Last week, I suffered a late miscarriage at 15 weeks, 5 days. I lost my little boy due to PPROM. I declined any sort of post mortem testing on him. I'm just absolutely devastated however and I wish I had some answers!

Conception was tough; we tried for 15 cycles without ever really knowing why I couldn't conceive faster. I had bloodwork, an HSG and was ovulating (at least according to OPKs). I had resigned myself to "unexplained infertility" when I opted to go to a new OB/GYN. She told me that she wanted me to temp for a full cycle so that she could see (I had done BBT before....but got discouraged and gave up). That was the cycle I got a BFP! It was just simply unbelievable!

I experienced episodes of bleeding at 6 weeks, 7 weeks and 9 weeks. The first time, I went to the ER. They warned me that they would do an ultrasound, but it may be too early to pick up a heartbeat. Well my baby's heart was beating away just great! That bout of bleeding was bright red spotting. The next bleeding episode was pink spotting. The last one was the worst I think...I felt wetness while sleeping and woke up to bright red blood on my thighs. But it stopped quickly. I had a prenatal appointment to days later, and a very strong heartbeat was heard on the doppler. I had my 12-week NT sonogram and all looked great!

Due to my small bleeding scares, I was really holding back on telling people. However at 12 weeks, I felt confident (& with sonogram pics in hand) we made our announcement on FB. I had no more bleeding episodes and my appetite was improving (I didn't have throwing up morning sickness, but a constant sour taste in my mouth that made it hard for me to finish meals). I was absolutely shocked when my water broke in a gush when I arrived at work. The only small warnings I had is that the previous day I had sneezed, and felt a wet sensation in my crotch. It was too quick for me to realize if it came from my uretha or vagina. I thought it was weird because I don't usually "leak"...but hey, this was my first pregnancy...so all types of new things were happening! Later that night, I also noticed I had a bit of very watery discharge when I changed for bed. Again...just thought it was a normal pregnancy symptom. Also I few days before that I actually woke up from my sleep because I felt was seemed to be a charlie horse in my uterus. Like a cramp in your leg...where the muscle just won't release. I got up...went to the bathroom and rubbed my belly a bit. It eased up after a while. Again I wasn't really concerned....just figured it was due to all the expanding and stretching.

My BF had a very tough time in the hospital. Also, his good friend was killed in a motorcycle accident 3 days later. It's been a devastating week for him, but he's been there for my daily morning crying spells. It's just so weird to sleep without that full/bloated tummy feeling. I was showing yet, nor was I feeling the baby move. But you could feel the roundness in my lower abdomen when you touched it.

Anyway, I'm just so exhausted and don't know how to move forward (expect you have to...because time marches on). I'm dreading the whole ttc thing again (month and month of disappointment). However I also dread getting pregnant again and being worried through not just the 1st trimester...but the 2nd as well (until the "magic" 24 weeks, when the baby has a chance of survival outside the womb). I was looking forward to having a baby in my arms this year (silly me). I always saw myself with multiple children, yet I'm struggling so much just to have one! My self-esteem is rock bottom and I can't help but feel that my baby was just fine...my body just failed him somehow (the last ultrasound...taken to see how much fluid I had left...showed him with a great heartbeat and moving around. Living is just so difficult right now. :-(

Posts: 3

Replies (5)

Reply by Hudson » Jul. 11, 2013 7:37pm

You are so much stronger than you probably feel or think. To even be able to share (relive) this experience is such a strong thing to do. All of this is out of our hands. Its Gods to give and take. My friend lost a son at 25 weeks and he just didn't make it. we are just all at His mercy with this and dont know what tomorrow, or even later on today, holds. But I am truly sorry for your loss.

I had an episode of bleeding last week. The dr. said the heart is beating this week, but next week it could be gone just like that. so I try to just be like, well I made it to this week. It took us a while as well so I have been kind of used to the heartbreak, so my gratitude level is really high for little milestones. You can certainly do this and continue with trying to start your family. That friend I mentioned just gave birth to a son in march. If she can do it, so can you!

Posts: 36

Reply by Isabelmason » Oct. 4, 2017 7:15pm

This is Isabel Mason. I am infertile. My age is 40 years. Here, I want to ask about my various concerns. First of all, let me tell you guys that I have recently recovered from cancer of ovaries. Doctors declared that I cannot conceive ever. This was very heartbreaking. I am in a severe depression. I want to get healthy. For that, i wish to try any technique. My husband is a compromising person. He has never cursed me for my weakness. He has supported me a lot. I want to give her the complete happiness in the form of a baby. Our baby. Is there any way that can help us out? Something that can cure my problem and give me cute babies? I am serious about growing my family. Is there anyone who could help me out?

Posts: 9

Reply by Isabelmason » Oct. 7, 2017 6:55pm

This is Isabel Mason. I am 40 years old. I have been encountering infertility since I lost the two ovaries because of disease. I was a jazzed lady when I was young. One can state I was never bona fide in my life. I have been isolated twice in light of my perilous perspective. I think wretchedness started when I was resolved to have developed. My significant other that I married with third time is considerable. He never berated me for my inadequacy. I know, he furthermore needs to get a youngster. I have to envision. I don't have any better choices. Is there something that can empower me to go out? On the off chance that, please let me know. Maybe something could enable me to out.

Posts: 9

Reply by Hannahh123 » Feb. 4, 2019 8:03pm


Posts: 424

Reply by Hannahh123 » 19 weeks ago

I am really sorry to hear about your MC. I can understand how hard this must have been for you. If you are not ready to TTC just give yourself a break. Doctors usually say its better to wait for 3 to 6 months before trying again. Therefore, during this time visit a therapy. Also, visit a good doctor and ask them to help you out. Do research about them before you visit them. Good luck to you.

Posts: 424