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Amarylis13's Pregnancy
My Due Date: September 27, 2014I have given birth!
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Holy amazing book
By Amarylis13 » Posted May. 29, 2014 10:31pm - 211 views - 1 comment
I've been realizing a lot of my handicaps in life come from childhood abuse. My father was very obvious with this abuse: verbal and emotional abuse. Where as now that I am older I am realizing my mom was no better. Hers was more subtle though and has made me very "dependent" on her for decisions. Example: Recently she has said to me " I don't know why you want a friend so badly you shop with me once a week and arn't your daughter and myself enough?"
How do you answer no to that without getting mom guilt? And she does mom guilt immediately so you end up apologizing even though you did point out bad behaviour on her part.
So any way I just got a copy of An Adult Child's guide to what's "normal" and the first part of this book almost made me cry. I have one book in this series that helps you identify the abuse you went through where as this one helps you see how your "bad" behaviour is linked to parents when growing up. My dad always told me "the one thing you can count on about people is you can't count on them". My mom would do stuff to make me mad and then say "oh you have no sense of humor". Well I did not enjoy her pinching my ass for supposed fun to get a response out of me. I am thinking of making a therapy appt for next week I really need to talk to someone about what I am uncovering in myself and I've realized while calling my mom once a day is fine, calling her more than once for no reason a day is part of my unhealthy habits that I need to change.
I can't wait for my copy of Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents to come in the mail. Maybe I will be able to function like a "normal" human soon.
I've also realized I am not an introvert. I am an extrovert with social anxiety and I WILL beat this anxiety that I had as a child from living situation and only got reinforced by my mom as I got older.
My Journal
Holy amazing book
By Amarylis13 » Posted May. 29, 2014 10:31pm - 211 views - 1 comment
I've been realizing a lot of my handicaps in life come from childhood abuse. My father was very obvious with this abuse: verbal and emotional abuse. Where as now that I am older I am realizing my mom was no better. Hers was more subtle though and has made me very "dependent" on her for decisions. Example: Recently she has said to me " I don't know why you want a friend so badly you shop with me once a week and arn't your daughter and myself enough?"
How do you answer no to that without getting mom guilt? And she does mom guilt immediately so you end up apologizing even though you did point out bad behaviour on her part.
So any way I just got a copy of An Adult Child's guide to what's "normal" and the first part of this book almost made me cry. I have one book in this series that helps you identify the abuse you went through where as this one helps you see how your "bad" behaviour is linked to parents when growing up. My dad always told me "the one thing you can count on about people is you can't count on them". My mom would do stuff to make me mad and then say "oh you have no sense of humor". Well I did not enjoy her pinching my ass for supposed fun to get a response out of me. I am thinking of making a therapy appt for next week I really need to talk to someone about what I am uncovering in myself and I've realized while calling my mom once a day is fine, calling her more than once for no reason a day is part of my unhealthy habits that I need to change.
I can't wait for my copy of Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents to come in the mail. Maybe I will be able to function like a "normal" human soon.
I've also realized I am not an introvert. I am an extrovert with social anxiety and I WILL beat this anxiety that I had as a child from living situation and only got reinforced by my mom as I got older.
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from aprilluvsmoz » Posted May. 30, 2014 9:38am I think that its great you are trying to help yourself and beat your anxiety. Its hard that you werent given the tools you needed when you were growing up but at least you know that your parenting skills towards your children will be alot different then what you were given. Best of luck to you! |
