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loopygrl's Pregnancy
My Due Date: December 25, 2016I am postpartum » My due date was more than 2 weeks ago
Age: 42 years old
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My Dad's final gift to me
By loopygrl » Posted Apr. 24, 2016 7:51am - 472 views - 2 comments
We had spent the better part of our 10 year relationship not wanting to have kids, but it was too important a subject not to have the conversation regularly and I did not want to be that person that changed my mind only after it was too late. And although we'd only made the decision to "not try to not get pregnant " a couple of months ago, I think I'd known for a while that I had changed my mind about wanting a family. But those thoughts really started coming to full fruition after my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer this last December.
I'd always sought a purpose in life, and in my 30's I'd wonder if I'd find mine, but after seeing the way that my family had come together; my mom, myself, and my brothers, to take care of him in his time of need, I realized that sometimes family is the greatest purpose of all. He'd worried that his illness would make him a burden on us, but taking care of him was indeed the most purposeful thing I have done in my life thus far.
He'd been on the decline for a while when I told him we were thinking about having a baby and in his barely there state of mind his response was limited to why. I half joked that after seeing how well we all turned out despite some major bumps along the way that we thought we'd give it a shot ourselves. In my heart I knew he understood what I was saying without really having to say it.
We lost my Dad on March 31st, only 118 days after his diagnosis. And though a piece of me died with him that day, his disease was ugly and painful and there was some small bit of comfort to be taken from knowing that he was finally at peace. But he didn't leave this world without leaving one final gift behind. It was exactly 14 days after losing my dad that I got my first positive. And though there are a lot of mixed emotions knowing that my baby will never get the opportunity to meet their grandpa, I know that this life that I am carrying inside of me is surely his final gift to me. (4/23)
My Journal
My Dad's final gift to me
By loopygrl » Posted Apr. 24, 2016 7:51am - 472 views - 2 comments
We had spent the better part of our 10 year relationship not wanting to have kids, but it was too important a subject not to have the conversation regularly and I did not want to be that person that changed my mind only after it was too late. And although we'd only made the decision to "not try to not get pregnant " a couple of months ago, I think I'd known for a while that I had changed my mind about wanting a family. But those thoughts really started coming to full fruition after my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer this last December.
I'd always sought a purpose in life, and in my 30's I'd wonder if I'd find mine, but after seeing the way that my family had come together; my mom, myself, and my brothers, to take care of him in his time of need, I realized that sometimes family is the greatest purpose of all. He'd worried that his illness would make him a burden on us, but taking care of him was indeed the most purposeful thing I have done in my life thus far.
He'd been on the decline for a while when I told him we were thinking about having a baby and in his barely there state of mind his response was limited to why. I half joked that after seeing how well we all turned out despite some major bumps along the way that we thought we'd give it a shot ourselves. In my heart I knew he understood what I was saying without really having to say it.
We lost my Dad on March 31st, only 118 days after his diagnosis. And though a piece of me died with him that day, his disease was ugly and painful and there was some small bit of comfort to be taken from knowing that he was finally at peace. But he didn't leave this world without leaving one final gift behind. It was exactly 14 days after losing my dad that I got my first positive. And though there are a lot of mixed emotions knowing that my baby will never get the opportunity to meet their grandpa, I know that this life that I am carrying inside of me is surely his final gift to me. (4/23)
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from josamarie » Posted Apr. 28, 2016 11:56pm What's beautiful gift, your baby will always know how much they were loved by the grandpa that is surely watching over you both! |
 | Comment from wifey1985 » Posted Apr. 27, 2016 7:59pm This is really sweet. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. |
