Carlee's Pregnancy

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I'm still a mess
By Carlee » Posted Mar. 14, 2018 5:03am - 243 views - 4 comments

I hardly slept last night, too much emotion.
I'm trying to understand why he abandoned us and I think it probably has to do with his childhood. His father left his mother before his birth and his mother left him and his brother when they were young children to spend a year with her sister abroad who was married but had just given birth to twins and also had 2 other children. He was never taught loyalty or commitment obviously and he doesn't seem to know what love is either. I think I was probably the only person who ever truly loved him. It doesn't excuse his behavior but it does explain it.
Why do I still love him?
He's caused me nothing but pain and problems. Yet he can be such a lovely man.
I know I'm better off without him but I can't do this alone. I don't want him but I do need him. I have no family around and only a few casual friends in the region. I am utterly alone.
He hasn't answered me since I accepted to do a paternity test and sent him the info for 1 we can do now. I know what his silence means: he knows he's wrong and he's been caught out.
Tomorrow morning I'm having my 1st scan which by proving the date will prove 100% he is the dad and I am hoping that will make him resume communication and accept his responsabilities.

Comments for this Journal Entry

	Comment from BrendaJohnson » Posted Mar. 23, 2018 11:31pm Hey there! How are you? He is being a jerk. But as you say, the childhood might be a factor. You don't lose hope. Stay strong. Wait for the tests to come back. I hope it will change his mind.
	Comment from JanetJames » Posted Mar. 15, 2018 12:27pm I there Carlee. How are you doing? I hope you are doing great. I am really sorry to hear your story. I really am. It breaks my heart to even think about it. It's hard to believe such people exist. I wish something I could do. I strongly suggest being strong. You can be everything without him. Even if he doesn't come. The responsibility of being a mother will drive you. I hope you get the strength to fight. I hope he realizes and comes back. I wish you good luck. I wish everything goes as you want. I hope to hear good from you.
	Comment from Carlee » Posted Mar. 14, 2018 11:45am Thanks MidnightMystery. In december he said he wanted a baby so, since he arrived during my fertile period, we got to work. However I did have a bleed 2 weeks after AF was supposed to come so we assumed that I wasn't pregnant. It was only when AF didn't come in february that I tested again and got a bfp. He is now claiming he is sterile so cannot be the dad. If he were sterile then how come I'm pregnant? If he truly believed he was sterile then why say he wanted a baby? And why did he decide to move in with me when he discovered I was pregnant? (We have been married for 23 months but he has always found an excuse to postpone moving in.) Also he refuses to tell what make him think he is sterile.
	Comment from MidnightMystery » Posted Mar. 14, 2018 6:50am Carlee, you must be feeling very alone and confused. In responce to why you still love him is more than likely because you have sympathy for His childhood. Its hard to Just stop loving Someone. Id wait until your Scan tomorrow sens him the Picture and details dont mention anything to do with testing Just simply send the scan and info. Men are funny creatures Just like us crazy at Times women! He might be scared worried that he May not be a good dad these are normal emotions. Change can effect us in different ways even if its a good Change. I dont want to plant seeds Here but if he havent a reason for him thinking youve cheated he May be Using this to distance himself at the moment. Is your baby planned Or a suprise? Meanwhile in this stressful Time look after yourself and baby as best as you can. The future May seem very scary at the moment but Take It day by day. Stay positive! Hugs and love coming your way x