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**BigV**'s Pregnancy
My Due Date: June 6, 2012I am postpartum » My due date was more than 2 weeks ago
Age: 41 years old
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I've got a baby to grow!
By **BigV** » Posted Nov. 18, 2011 7:17pm - 259 views - 1 comment
Today's doctor's appointment was both anticipated and dreaded. On one hand, I was giddy that I would be able to hear the heartbeat and over the moon that my husband would get to see the baby on an ultrasound. Yet, deep down inside, there was a nagging dread of having to get onto the scale.
I must pause my story here to tell you that I am NOT one of "those" women who weigh themselves daily and decide their mood based on the number they see. My weight means virtually nothing to me, and I'm totally content to share with you that I weigh a lovely 145 pounds. I know that I'm healthy because I eat homemade food, am obsessed with vegetables, and don't feel deprived by the fact that I don't have any desserts (ice cream included!), chips, or candy in my house.
Nevertheless, over the last week, my belly has become a legitimate belly. It's round, it refuses to fit into my favorite pants (even my linen ones that have so much give!), and I have a strong feeling that it's here to stay. Because it seemed to grow so quickly over the course of 48 hours, I developed a sense of guilt that you wouldn't believe.
I started thinking to myself, "Well, V. Congratulations. You are officially out of control. I see all of those crackers you're eating. And the low fat string cheese? Humph! Can you say glutton, because that's what you are!"
Then today's appointment arrived. I had to mentally prepare myself for this one. The nurse would tell me to stand on the scale and then she would busy herself with paperwork while I looked at an astronomical number. How much would I have gained? 2 pounds in 1 month? 3 pounds? 4? Oh, Lord! I'm still in my first trimester -- I'm not supposed to gain any weight according to every single baby book published in the last 20 years. The nurse would look up at the scale, frown and look me up and down while she shakes her head slowly and almost imperceptibly. Oh, she won't SAY anything, but she won't need to. I can tell she's judging. "I know," I'd begin, sullenly. "I know I'm not supposed to be gaining, but this baby makes me so hungry! I promise I'm not eating fast food! Or candy! I'm not a bad mother. I'll do better next month, I promise!"
But the explanation was never uttered. I never got to justify myself to the nurse, or explain that nibbling is the only cure for my never-ending nausea. My weight was exactly the same as it was last month!
I stepped off the scale, shocked. I didn't gain anything?? But... how could that be? What about the growing bump that is preventing my pants from closing? What about the increased flabbiness around the middle?
And then it hit me.
I'm pregnant! I'm supposed to get fat. I'm supposed to become round and chubby and my pants are supposed to protest when I pull them on. Hell, that's what pregnancy is all about.
As I walked into the bathroom to pee into yet another plastic cup, I breathed a sigh of relief. Apparently I'm not a negligent mother who risks her baby's life for a piece of low fat string cheese! I'm a woman who is carrying a child, doing the best she can, and doing a damn good job at that!
Let the widening and rounding begin! I've got a baby to grow!
My Journal
I've got a baby to grow!
By **BigV** » Posted Nov. 18, 2011 7:17pm - 259 views - 1 comment
Today's doctor's appointment was both anticipated and dreaded. On one hand, I was giddy that I would be able to hear the heartbeat and over the moon that my husband would get to see the baby on an ultrasound. Yet, deep down inside, there was a nagging dread of having to get onto the scale.
I must pause my story here to tell you that I am NOT one of "those" women who weigh themselves daily and decide their mood based on the number they see. My weight means virtually nothing to me, and I'm totally content to share with you that I weigh a lovely 145 pounds. I know that I'm healthy because I eat homemade food, am obsessed with vegetables, and don't feel deprived by the fact that I don't have any desserts (ice cream included!), chips, or candy in my house.
Nevertheless, over the last week, my belly has become a legitimate belly. It's round, it refuses to fit into my favorite pants (even my linen ones that have so much give!), and I have a strong feeling that it's here to stay. Because it seemed to grow so quickly over the course of 48 hours, I developed a sense of guilt that you wouldn't believe.
I started thinking to myself, "Well, V. Congratulations. You are officially out of control. I see all of those crackers you're eating. And the low fat string cheese? Humph! Can you say glutton, because that's what you are!"
Then today's appointment arrived. I had to mentally prepare myself for this one. The nurse would tell me to stand on the scale and then she would busy herself with paperwork while I looked at an astronomical number. How much would I have gained? 2 pounds in 1 month? 3 pounds? 4? Oh, Lord! I'm still in my first trimester -- I'm not supposed to gain any weight according to every single baby book published in the last 20 years. The nurse would look up at the scale, frown and look me up and down while she shakes her head slowly and almost imperceptibly. Oh, she won't SAY anything, but she won't need to. I can tell she's judging. "I know," I'd begin, sullenly. "I know I'm not supposed to be gaining, but this baby makes me so hungry! I promise I'm not eating fast food! Or candy! I'm not a bad mother. I'll do better next month, I promise!"
But the explanation was never uttered. I never got to justify myself to the nurse, or explain that nibbling is the only cure for my never-ending nausea. My weight was exactly the same as it was last month!
I stepped off the scale, shocked. I didn't gain anything?? But... how could that be? What about the growing bump that is preventing my pants from closing? What about the increased flabbiness around the middle?
And then it hit me.
I'm pregnant! I'm supposed to get fat. I'm supposed to become round and chubby and my pants are supposed to protest when I pull them on. Hell, that's what pregnancy is all about.
As I walked into the bathroom to pee into yet another plastic cup, I breathed a sigh of relief. Apparently I'm not a negligent mother who risks her baby's life for a piece of low fat string cheese! I'm a woman who is carrying a child, doing the best she can, and doing a damn good job at that!
Let the widening and rounding begin! I've got a baby to grow!
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from graysamanthaj » Posted Dec. 5, 2011 6:18pm Good to hear from you!! At my first appt. I gained 5 pounds and then a week later at my second ultrasound it went down to a total weight gain of 3 pounds. Apparently my bloat fluctuates. lol I feel your worry with the weight gain!! I'm just trying to have a good attitude. |
