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Aelanu's Pregnancy
My Due Date: December 2, 2012I am postpartum » My due date was more than 2 weeks ago
Age: 36 years old
Location: Richmond, VA, United States
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Tired of putting up a front for people
By Aelanu » Posted Jun. 7, 2012 5:17am - 294 views - 2 comments
I feel so awful posting this...I really do...but I don't feel ANY connection to the baby at all. I put on appearances for people, but honestly, I feel absolutely nothing for this baby. Its like if some stranger was pregnant and just came up and told me they're pregnant...kind of like, "Oh, thats nice...so.....uhhm...ok."
Whats worse, is I'm already feeling Baby PirateNinja move around (yes, thats what we call him/her....PirateNinja is a nickname I acquired and my aunt started calling him/her that and it just stuck). I'm very in-tune with my body, so this isn't a surprise...but I figured once I started feeling movements my attitude would change. I've been feeling them for two weeks...and nothing. I don't even really particularly care that I forget my prenatals every once in awhile...however, I do eat much healthier...but mostly because anything "unhealthy" makes me vomit, anyways....so I stick to fruits, dairy, and grains mostly.
I don't understand why I feel this way...we planned this baby. We tried for over a year and a half before I got pregnant....we thought there was something wrong with one of us!
I guess it doesn't help that I have no friends or family where I live- and OH's family is no help at all. His mother even threatened to attack me after she found out! His son? He tried to throw the ultrasound picture when I showed it to him and has been regressing into uncontrollable temper tantrums (he's 7) for hours at a time over stupid things...the latest? He had nothing to do and was bored (even though he has over 100 PS2 games and 100s of toys). I have to live with these people!!
Sometimes I just feel like my life would be better if I moved back home with my family...but I can't just leave OH. It would be unfair to him and our unborn baby. I'd love to get our own place, but we simply can't afford it right now- not to mention we are about as close to our jobs as we can get. Then I have these awful feelings that maybe I should just give the baby up for adoption...its not like I have any feelings for him/her anyways.
I don't know what to do! Its just so depressing for me. I'm bawling right now from just typing this. Ugh.
My Journal
Tired of putting up a front for people
By Aelanu » Posted Jun. 7, 2012 5:17am - 294 views - 2 comments
I feel so awful posting this...I really do...but I don't feel ANY connection to the baby at all. I put on appearances for people, but honestly, I feel absolutely nothing for this baby. Its like if some stranger was pregnant and just came up and told me they're pregnant...kind of like, "Oh, thats nice...so.....uhhm...ok."
Whats worse, is I'm already feeling Baby PirateNinja move around (yes, thats what we call him/her....PirateNinja is a nickname I acquired and my aunt started calling him/her that and it just stuck). I'm very in-tune with my body, so this isn't a surprise...but I figured once I started feeling movements my attitude would change. I've been feeling them for two weeks...and nothing. I don't even really particularly care that I forget my prenatals every once in awhile...however, I do eat much healthier...but mostly because anything "unhealthy" makes me vomit, anyways....so I stick to fruits, dairy, and grains mostly.
I don't understand why I feel this way...we planned this baby. We tried for over a year and a half before I got pregnant....we thought there was something wrong with one of us!
I guess it doesn't help that I have no friends or family where I live- and OH's family is no help at all. His mother even threatened to attack me after she found out! His son? He tried to throw the ultrasound picture when I showed it to him and has been regressing into uncontrollable temper tantrums (he's 7) for hours at a time over stupid things...the latest? He had nothing to do and was bored (even though he has over 100 PS2 games and 100s of toys). I have to live with these people!!
Sometimes I just feel like my life would be better if I moved back home with my family...but I can't just leave OH. It would be unfair to him and our unborn baby. I'd love to get our own place, but we simply can't afford it right now- not to mention we are about as close to our jobs as we can get. Then I have these awful feelings that maybe I should just give the baby up for adoption...its not like I have any feelings for him/her anyways.
I don't know what to do! Its just so depressing for me. I'm bawling right now from just typing this. Ugh.
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from fifibee » Posted Jun. 7, 2012 3:57pm please talk to your midwife or doctor pretty soon. Hugs to you and bump x |
 | Comment from lilbare1009 » Posted Jun. 7, 2012 6:51am During my first pregnancy my hormones were so whacky that I ended up getting really depressed. I had a lot of things going on in my life and felt very alone. I ended up seeing a therapist and I have to say, talking it out was the best thing I could do. You're not alone and many women go through depression during pregnancy, it's up to you to get the help you need. And don't feel embarrased or ashamed by it, pregnancy is one big hormonal roller coaster. I hope you get the help you need because in a few months ur going to have this beautiful bundle of joy and believe me you don't want to miss out on a second of it cuz it flies by. I'm here if you want to talk :) |
