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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by edwina2021

Q: Advice on what to do about husband.

My husband and i have been married for almost a year. A couple weeks ago he head butted me and i went to a womens shelter because we have a agreement that i have to leave since he gas a daughter that visits... it goes with our contract of marrage that i cant have anything either if we divorce. But it wasnt noteriezed so its worthless at court. I came back to him and he was arrested for demestic violence two days later. I ended up bailing him out three days later and he says its all my fault that i made up what he did. He did head butt me because when it happened i was in shock i never thought that would happen. Mostly because we would only argue. I will admit i pushed him once cuz he was blocking my way on purpose in return he pushed me back.i honestly want to be with my husband because we were tryn for a baby and now im almost 11 weeks but then again i cnt be gettn kicked out when he says im pregnant and i cnt stress this or hurt the baby.

This question was asked Apr. 7, 2013 1:04pm
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (10)

Answered by truestar070 - Nov. 8, 2013 1:40pm

Oh...YOU made him do it?? How could you tsk tsk!
On a serious note: you need to leave him asap. He will do it again only this time you don't know how far he will go. Call family, shelter anybody who can help you get out of there. Good luck girl

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Answered by mum212 - Apr. 23, 2013 7:47pm

i was with a violent guy first he would throw things at the wall and then he would slap me and force himself onto me and it came to the poing he had me on the floor infront of my sister and 2 month old daughter by my throat until my colour changed( i seen the fear in his face), this lasted for 3 years even after i dumped him because i seen him kissing another girl behind a glass door and the very last straw of him living with me which was him kicking my front door in my face th then called the police and got rid of him forever, its starts with the one off but he says sorry and you forgive him and he does it again its a vicious circle you need to get away from him now before he can do the ulitmate worst but i doubt you will take our advice anyway coz i didnt until i realised i dont desreve to be treated like this and im not putting my daughter through this life of hell x

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Answered by HasntSunkIn - Apr. 8, 2013 6:26pm

Think of it in regards to your child:
1. If you have a daughter, would you want her to stay with a man who headbutted her?
2. If you have a son, would you want him to think it's okay to headbut his girlfriend or wife?

If you stay with him, that is exactly what you are teaching them to do. Children learn what YOU DO, not what you tell them to do.

Yes, money troubles are difficult, but those are solveable and do not cause the same level of damage an abusive household does. You can be poor and happy, you cannot be abused and happy.

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Answered by bearmamma - Apr. 8, 2013 5:06pm

Your situation sounds like one of psychological abuse, keep in mind there are more than 1 types of abuse. if you check stats on abusers, you will find that it "never is" their fault, the partner made them do it. What assurance do you have that this is just a 1 time incident? Relationships are of at least sharing everything, not keeping all to one self (he sounds more like a college roommate than a husband). From what you stated, he clearly has economical control over you and certainly has no trouble doing it. My question to you is: Is he really trying to protect his daughter from non family influence or is it because her mom comes to drop her off? Is he still emotionally attached to her? Keep your spirit up and do what is best for the unborn child, set your own fears aside and think of the baby and its future. Is he worth sacrificing yourself and baby for?
Best of luck.

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Answered by Rockabump - Apr. 8, 2013 12:16am

I have a few things to say. Please don't get upset but these are facts you need to think about.
A) he did it once, he will do it again! He should never lay his hands on you!
B) do you wAnt your child raised in an abusive home? NO WAY!
C) he has no respect or you or your baby......that won't change!
D) if your paperwork wasn't notarized or signed by a judge.....it is just a piece of paper!
E) he could file fake charges against you...,you would go to jail....he won't bails you out as it is all your fault anyway.
This s very serious and you need to. Get out. He will hurt you, the baby, or take the baby from you. Your baby deserves nothing but love!

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Answered by Lizzymommy - Apr. 7, 2013 9:44pm

Dont be stupid, dont let a man control your life and im saying this from personal experience u need to get out while u still can and protect yourself and ur baby. when i realized my ex was becoming like that i left him. dont put your child through the hell u have to go through! best of luck

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Answered by hopefullll - Apr. 7, 2013 7:10pm

I think the fact that you don't love him and he doesn't love you and you knew this shortly after you two got married is a good enough reason in itself to leave. I can imagine it's hard to leave seeing as many many women in your situation choose to stay in a bad relationship far too long but I think you know in your heart that this relationship will not last much longer regardless. Do not worry about money, you will get half of everything when you leave so that's not even an issuem, it's the law. He can keep the house but he will have to buy you out first, meaning, he will owe you for half of the house's value. Nobody can convince someone to leave if they aren't truly ready and willing but really really think about it hon, do you honestly think you will be with him in a year?? If you don't leave him, I promise he WILL eventually leave you because he simply does not love you. Trust me, you don't want to be left by an abuser so you be the one to leave the abuse!

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Answered by cherienc - Apr. 7, 2013 6:20pm

He sounds crazy! Get out now!

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Answered by FebBabyx - Apr. 7, 2013 2:25pm

In my honest oppinion hun I would say stick with your family and raise your baby with their support. Your husband doesn't sound very nice and he seems to have no respect for you or your unborn child. I feel he is also trying to control you by saying that everything is your fault and by taking your money from you. Him head butting you was not your fault! Im so sorry your having to go through this, especially when you are expecting a baby but this situation is no good to raise a baby in. Please look after yourself and your unborn baby hun xx

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Answered by edwina2021 - Apr. 7, 2013 1:12pm

I understand he doesnt want anyone doing wrong around his daughter but i havnt done anything to her other then give her what she wants. I dnt understand he thinks i have to be like his x gf. Who he had at one point come to the house and she pissed me off and he did to by staring at her ass. Says he never head butt he and i was so nice to him. I told court i would leave house and let him have it for his daughter. I could of been mean but wasnt. He still believes i need to leave when he says. That i shouldnt work at all vut wheb it comes to taxes he gets to keep it all! What no i made all of our taxes and he says u need to pay the bills. I help with the house and his child. How come i cant get any of my taxes? Is that right? That he should keep my taxes since he doent want me to work? He talks crap on my family but they are taken care of me since he cant afford hotel. I honestly have no idea what to do. Stay and have a family. Or stay with mine and leave him.

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