Need Advice? Ask Your Question

Questions & Answers

Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by Nunchuk

Q: MIL not respecting our decisions.

First I want to say I do love my mother in law. However, sometimes she refuses to respect our choices.
She is refusing to listen to us. She also doesn't respond to us speaking against her choices well.
She is insisting she will be the first one after us to hold our son when he is born. However, we both want my father to be the first. This is his first grandchild and will be his only. He also lives out of town so we don't see him often and he's missed out on a lot of things during the pregnancy that my mil has gotten to be involved with many things.
She is telling us no she's going to be the first because this will be her first grandson. She already has a granddaughter from her eldest son. We told her that we want my father being first because it's his only grandchild and she's just not having it.
So how do we approach this? How can we allow my dad to hold our son first with as little drama as possible? She doesn't take polite or blunt answers well.

This question was asked Feb. 26, 2015 3:05am
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Answer This Question

Answers (6)

Answered by Nunchuk - Feb. 26, 2015 7:14pm

FOUR hours of alone time??? What's your secret?! Lol my mil is upset over even just an hour and says it's unfair to make her wait lol we just weren't going to announce the birth until much later for that one.

I could have a word with my doula and the nurses about having my dad hold our son first. I don't have a mother in my life, just my father and mimi. But my father I want to be the one to first hold our son

227 out of 441 found this answer helpful

Was this answer helpful? Yes No

Answered by Bumpin4Baby - Feb. 26, 2015 4:00pm

Part 2.. Whether she likes it or not, you are going to have to put your foot down and not let her control your life. The more you let her get away with, the more power you are giving her. My step mom was mad, but she got over it. There was also another instance where she blew up on me bc I wanted my daughter to go to daycare instead of her watching her and she really flipped her shit. I went 3 whole months without as much as answering her phone calls. You can do it!

189 out of 389 found this answer helpful

Was this answer helpful? Yes No

Answered by Bumpin4Baby - Feb. 26, 2015 3:57pm

Your MIL sounds A LOT like my step mother, so I can def understand what you are feeling. Before I had my daughter, my mom insisted on being in the room at delivery. I just came out and told her that the only other people that have seen my vagina was my DH and my OB and I am going to keep it that way, lol. The woman can make anyone she is around have anxiety, I swear. She then insisted that she would be the first to hold her after she was born since she couldn't be in the room. I didn't say anything to her. I just told my OB what I thought about it and he said that whatever I want is what I will get. So, after having I made everyone wait at least 4 hours before seeing her bc I wanted alone time with her and DH. After I was ready, I sent the nurse to get my MIL and FIL and let them hold her first. My step mom waited by the door the whole time and they just walked right passed her when they went to get my MIL and FIL.

203 out of 417 found this answer helpful

Was this answer helpful? Yes No

Answered by Quartz3 - Feb. 26, 2015 1:24pm

I'm not sure there is a way to avoid drama if she doesn't respond to either polite or blunt answers!

I'm guessing your father will be in the waiting room with your MIL when you deliver? In that case I would just have the hospital staff go fetch your dad, and only your dad, when you're ready, and have him hold the baby. It's your choice, not hers....

206 out of 398 found this answer helpful

Was this answer helpful? Yes No

Answered by Nunchuk - Feb. 26, 2015 6:54am

Not letting her know we're in labour will cause world war 3. She refused to talk to me for a whole month for saying something made me uncomfortable regarding the baby shower and she backed out of hosting it. Not let her know when we have the baby? May be an entire year or more D:
She is still starting to grasp the fact that we aren't letting her into the delivery room or anyone else outside my husband and my doula. And we've been telling her since before this pregnancy. She still tries to make comments about asking to be let in and what not. And we want alone time after the baby is born and she thinks it's unfair to her that we even ask for a minimum of a half hour! She gets angry and says she is going to see her grandson and we can't stop her. Yes we can. Nurses will keep everyone out until we say so. I just find it incredibly rude and insensitive to our feelings. I just worry this is going to cause a major rift in our relationship

197 out of 394 found this answer helpful

Was this answer helpful? Yes No

Answered by Gymnast36 - Feb. 26, 2015 6:16am

I would just lay down the law with her. Tell her that this is what will be happening, no if's ands or buts and if she doesn't like it then tough. Tell her that you've made this decision and it's not going to affect her experience if she holds the baby first, second or last. She can choose to act like an adult or not. If she's not going to respect your wishes, I wouldn't tell her when you go into labour. Even if she did find out and showed up at the hospital you can ask the staff not to let her in. It might start an almighty crap fight but at the end of the day it's your pregnancy, your child and your decision.

204 out of 405 found this answer helpful

Was this answer helpful? Yes No

1

Answer This Question

You are not logged in.
Log in or Register to post an answer to this question.

Other Questions in Relationships During Pregnancy