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ambewilson's Pregnancy
My Due Date: May 24, 2013I have given birth!
Age: 37 years old
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Having second thoughts about single parenting
By ambewilson » Posted Feb. 25, 2013 8:33am - 280 views - 3 comments
Lately, it's really been hitting me how really alone I feel in all of this. Raising a baby all by myself. Sure, I have family and friends that will show up and "help" out once my son is born. They will do things like stop by and bounce him on their knee for awhile, maybe change a diaper or two, but that's where the support ends. I might sound selfish, but that is hardly an attempt at helping parent a child. At the end of a night when I've been up with him for three days because he's running a fever and I have work in the morning...where is that support? When he's teething and i'm lucky if I can get him to stop crying long enough to eat or I'm simply at my nerve's end looking for a few hours to myself...where is that support? Where is the support I'll need if he has trouble in school or a special need that requires him to need extra tutoring or counseling? What about the times he comes home with questions about alcohol or pot and how he's pressured to participate? It all makes me wonder if I'm even going to be able to handle of this myself.
Sometimes I wonder if my son would be better off with a family with two working parents that literally pray for a baby to be the light of their lives instead of with a single mother who would always be struggling with paying all of the monthly bills while making sure he had all needed. I just don't know anymore.
I guess this all really hit home when I found out my BD was at work and of course has been with his family, talking about what an awful person I was. He was telling people lie after lie, trying to make himself look justified for leaving his unborn son and I for another girl. He was saying things like I just "used him for sex" and that it wasn't his responsibility to take care of us because it was my fault I was pregnant. He was telling people that his parents were going to fight me for custody so that his son could live with them so he could see him whenever he felt like it. It it just the most hurtful thing to know that he is spewing these awful lies about me but it's also a harsh look at the reality that he isn't going to be there for me or his son, ever.
My Journal
Having second thoughts about single parenting
By ambewilson » Posted Feb. 25, 2013 8:33am - 280 views - 3 comments
Lately, it's really been hitting me how really alone I feel in all of this. Raising a baby all by myself. Sure, I have family and friends that will show up and "help" out once my son is born. They will do things like stop by and bounce him on their knee for awhile, maybe change a diaper or two, but that's where the support ends. I might sound selfish, but that is hardly an attempt at helping parent a child. At the end of a night when I've been up with him for three days because he's running a fever and I have work in the morning...where is that support? When he's teething and i'm lucky if I can get him to stop crying long enough to eat or I'm simply at my nerve's end looking for a few hours to myself...where is that support? Where is the support I'll need if he has trouble in school or a special need that requires him to need extra tutoring or counseling? What about the times he comes home with questions about alcohol or pot and how he's pressured to participate? It all makes me wonder if I'm even going to be able to handle of this myself.
Sometimes I wonder if my son would be better off with a family with two working parents that literally pray for a baby to be the light of their lives instead of with a single mother who would always be struggling with paying all of the monthly bills while making sure he had all needed. I just don't know anymore.
I guess this all really hit home when I found out my BD was at work and of course has been with his family, talking about what an awful person I was. He was telling people lie after lie, trying to make himself look justified for leaving his unborn son and I for another girl. He was saying things like I just "used him for sex" and that it wasn't his responsibility to take care of us because it was my fault I was pregnant. He was telling people that his parents were going to fight me for custody so that his son could live with them so he could see him whenever he felt like it. It it just the most hurtful thing to know that he is spewing these awful lies about me but it's also a harsh look at the reality that he isn't going to be there for me or his son, ever.
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from ambewilson » Posted Feb. 25, 2013 12:36pm That's what I'm hoping for. That the joys of parenting will surpass the stress of the bad times. I am very thankful to be having my son since for years I was told by doctors all across the state that I would never have children. I just happened to get pregnant to a lemon of a person. It makes this brilliant,life changing experience have a dark cloud over it. |
 | Comment from Emma78 » Posted Feb. 25, 2013 11:55am Supposed to be defiantly not faintly with it.stupid auto correct |
| Comment from Emma78 » Posted Feb. 25, 2013 11:53am Its a lot of work bring a single mom. My husband worked out of town when I had my daughter and I had no friends it family around to help. I don't think I slept more then 4 hours for the first year of her life. I was always exhausted! But I wouldn't change it for anything. there were days when I didn't think I could do it there were days I wanted to run away! But at the end of the day when your baby is asleep in your arms nothing else seems to matter. It will not be easy but its faintly worth it! |
