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Q: Does my boyfriend mean it when he says I'm fat?

So I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and now I'm 15 weeks pregnant with his baby. I haven't gained weight really but I'm retaining water and my stomach is getting fat and I feel more jiggly than usual.
Well a couple weeks ago he made a comment on me eating grilled cheese he asked me if I'm going to put off all this weight when I had the baby and I didn't think much of it.
Well a couple days ago he said my butts getting real saggy and it hurt really bad because I've always been skinny. Not like super thin but just average.
Well after he made a comment about my butt, we were sitting down on the couch and he was like "wow" and I was like what?
And he pinched my stomach and said "this isn't baby, it's fat"
And I wanted to cry. But i didnt say anything. then he made a comment about "if i was a girl and i got pregnant id never let myself get fat" I don't know if he really thinks I'm fat or is he just saying this to motivate me to keep my weight in

This question was asked Nov. 1, 2012 11:59pm
Category: Symptoms & Discomforts

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Answers (9)

Answered by at97383 - Nov. 2, 2012 3:43pm

Baby is worth all of it. GL 2 u hun, & I hope things get btr 4 u!!

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Answered by at97383 - Nov. 2, 2012 3:41pm

Have u sat him down & explained 2 him how much those comments hurt? Right now its his job 2 see u & baby r being taken care of, not be an ass. Dont stop eating 2 avoid the weight. U & baby both need it right now. My bf & I r having twins so im already HUGE @ 19 wks. Everytime I start 2 worry abt the damage this preg is gonna cause 2 my body, or how big im getting he just tells me he loves me 4 who I am & not what shape I am. And if I dont ever get back 2 my pre preg body, its ok. And that ive never looked more beautiful 2 him. He sees these babies as a gift. And is just grateful im willing 2 go thru this 4 him. Thats the kind of support u should be getting right now. Not his snide comments. And bein preg does all kinds of crazy thing 2 ur body. Including making ur butt bigger as the ligaments stretch 2 allow 4 babys grand entrance. If he cant say anything nice then he shouldnt say anything @ all. But hes not gonna quit as long as u allow the comments. Just remember

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Answered by MammaBee81 - Nov. 2, 2012 6:44am

Eugh... it really does go to show that most men have to experience something first hand to understand what is going on. "If I were a girl and I got pregnant..." really shows his immaturity.

My answer to that would be "If I were a real man and got my girl pregnant, I would be protective of her, rather than acting like the jackass I'm supposed to be protecting her from... so while you're over there dealing with my bloating, I'll be over here dealing with your poor attitude"

I'm big on educating people in creative ways (after all... men really can't know EXACTLY what you're going through). Maybe ask him to drink 3 litres of water, then in half an hour come back and tell you if he feels like going to the gym... or even whether he can suck in that stomach so he looks trim? That's what it feels like to be pregnant and bloated... and he can experience part of that first hand!

Good luck girl!

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Answered by maggie22 - Nov. 2, 2012 6:18am

wow. lucky he wasnt my boyfriend otherwise he would of ended up on the floor. How can you let him speak to you like that? And not say anything back? There is no excuss for him to be making those comments to you. This is not a time for him to be making comments like that!! Even if the comments were true any man who honestly loved you and respected you would never say it like that!!

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Answered by a member - Nov. 2, 2012 3:15am

My husband said a comment/asked were I got upset, he asked me if there was really a baby in my belly and if it's not just fat. I got pretty upset. But your boyfriend is making hurtful comments. You should let him know. After I told my DH that the comments he made were hurtful, he stopped and apologized. I agree with the last comment, men change during pregnancy, my DH was a bit rude to me in the first trimester, now I'm in the third trimester, he see's me with a huge belly and see's me in pain. I think he understands a little not to make any comment on how fat I look. I hope your boyfriend changes too.

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Answered by a member - Nov. 2, 2012 2:43am

Out of line for sure. But, men get weird during pregnancy. Hard to tell if he's just being mean or if he's just worried watching you grow that you'll never stop growing etc etc. He's a man, he's used to how you were before. My husband is kind and considerate but eveery now and then I can see he's worried I will have the baby and continue to get bigger. He'll gently ask what I plan to do for exercise after the baby etc. He just needs reassurance that after baby comes I won't completely give up and become over weight. Not saying thats fair...maybe I will. But men are weird and as much as mine isn't really fixated on looks (I wear no make-up and hate buying new clothes, especially uncomfortable clothes lol) he's worried about change. With a bit of reassurance that all will be well once baby comes he's fine. Maybe its the same for your man? Just explain to him what happens...water retention, things moving and expanding etc etc to reassure him?

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Answered by Brittany0915 - Nov. 2, 2012 1:16am

wow this is totally out of line!! especially considering how sensitive pregnant women can be.. i dont blame you for being hurt... i have gotten alot of sagging skin and stretch marks during my previous pregnancies..and theres no doubt i do not look the same as the day i met my husband.. but there is no way he would ever cross the line and say something to put me down like that.. hes constantly telling me im beautiful...your boyfriend should be supporting you and building your confidence at this time... you do need to tell him its not going to be tolerated and dont let him get away with it. that no way to motivate anyone..

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Answered by Addie02 - Nov. 2, 2012 12:21am

*or whether he means it. Either way, it's out of line and you do NOT need to put up with this.

(Sorry it got cut short, the character estimate at the bottom is off)

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Answered by Addie02 - Nov. 2, 2012 12:19am

Frankly, he's being an ass.
Perhaps he has good intentions (doesn't want you to overeat and gain flab which is way too easy to do when you're pregnant), but calling you fat and being so cocky as to say he wouldn't get fat if he were going through what you are is just idiotic.
You need to sit down and draw a line. YOU are the one having this baby, and let him know that NO comments about your weight will be tolerated. Your weight is between you and your doctor, period. If you have concerns, you discuss it with your doctor to make sure you are on a healthy track for you and baby. The end.

And in the interest of full disclosure: I keep very close track of my pregnancy weight gain and do tend to be judgmental of those who take the "I'm going to gain weight anyway so I might as well eat whatever crap I want" approach. So I'm really in earnest when I say that this is absolutely out of line for him. It doesn't matter whether he's saying this to "motivate" you or wheth

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