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Sianny's Pregnancy
My Due Date: January 2, 2015I have given birth!
Age: 40 years old
Location: United Kingdom
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Wonder and Worry at 4 Weeks
By Sianny » Posted Apr. 26, 2014 2:17pm - 330 views - 2 comments
With suspicions on Wednesday (12dpo) of what could be I indulged in my favorite habit of peeing on sticks, a habit so bad that only two months ago I received 12 negatives in the space of three days from buying test after test on those precious 12 to 13 days past ovulation.
When I watched the liquid creep across the result window and nothing but the control line starting to take colour I rolled my eyes but as I continued into those long three minutes, hunched over on the closed toilet seat, a faint second line appeared on the First Response test.
I was clearly seeing things, I had to be!
Nope!
It was there, just a little clearer as the three minutes came to an end, I was pregnant. Finally.
I smiled and walked on clouds for the rest of the day and tested again the next day and then again come Friday, well the remaining tests weren't going to pee on themselves.
It was on the Friday night that the words of the sonographer 'Its not good news I'm afraid' echoed almost as loud as they did on the day of my 12wk scan with pregnancy number 2.
With such a straight forward pregnancy with my dear son I hadn't dreamed the next one would end this way, sure we had had bleeding but the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit had told me everything was fine and 95% of pregnancies continue past this point.
I was in that remaining 5%.
I understand that this is not the worst tragedy to befall a pregnant woman but as any mother of an angel bean will tell you, it still hurts like hell.
Now I was standing on the brink of the 8 month long obstacle course where I have to trust in mother nature to steer me past all the heartaches and pitfalls. Every morning I was going to pray to make it one more week without a hitch, no spotting, no sudden pains and hoping I reach the stage of counting the kicks every 10 minutes till I wasted the entire day.
What if I became so obsessed with how to avoid the bad stuff that I forget all the amazing stuff that comes with carrying that bean through until he or she opens their eyes for the first time in the light and suddenly you have a whole new world of worry to deal with.
So somewhere around 2am when I finally stopped worrying that me laying awake worrying about the worst could cause the worst, I realised that if the women who suffered a loss during their pregnancy never tried again then there would be a heck of a lot less beautiful children being born into the world. Some brave individuals pick themselves up every few months and try again and again and again.
It was time to stop checking the pantyliner for a spot of blood, ban all symptom Googling, eat well, laugh often and bloom.
Let myself daydream, or make mental notes of delivery options and smile about the magic that was happening. I was pregnant!
We have to make this journey of unknowns, risk being hurt and head for the finishing line of the delivery room because anyone who had been there before will tell you it is an amazing journey.
Heck I said I only ever wanted one child but it was so amazing I'm aiming for a football team!
So I sit here, with some form of vegetarian Thai curry (its sounded nice, its not) causing hellish reflux and trying not to think about going to the toilet for umpteenth time today because I just got comfortable, rubbing my bloated belly knowing that the discomfort is only going to get worse and you know what?
I can't freaking wait :)
My Journal
Wonder and Worry at 4 Weeks
By Sianny » Posted Apr. 26, 2014 2:17pm - 330 views - 2 comments
With suspicions on Wednesday (12dpo) of what could be I indulged in my favorite habit of peeing on sticks, a habit so bad that only two months ago I received 12 negatives in the space of three days from buying test after test on those precious 12 to 13 days past ovulation.
When I watched the liquid creep across the result window and nothing but the control line starting to take colour I rolled my eyes but as I continued into those long three minutes, hunched over on the closed toilet seat, a faint second line appeared on the First Response test.
I was clearly seeing things, I had to be!
Nope!
It was there, just a little clearer as the three minutes came to an end, I was pregnant. Finally.
I smiled and walked on clouds for the rest of the day and tested again the next day and then again come Friday, well the remaining tests weren't going to pee on themselves.
It was on the Friday night that the words of the sonographer 'Its not good news I'm afraid' echoed almost as loud as they did on the day of my 12wk scan with pregnancy number 2.
With such a straight forward pregnancy with my dear son I hadn't dreamed the next one would end this way, sure we had had bleeding but the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit had told me everything was fine and 95% of pregnancies continue past this point.
I was in that remaining 5%.
I understand that this is not the worst tragedy to befall a pregnant woman but as any mother of an angel bean will tell you, it still hurts like hell.
Now I was standing on the brink of the 8 month long obstacle course where I have to trust in mother nature to steer me past all the heartaches and pitfalls. Every morning I was going to pray to make it one more week without a hitch, no spotting, no sudden pains and hoping I reach the stage of counting the kicks every 10 minutes till I wasted the entire day.
What if I became so obsessed with how to avoid the bad stuff that I forget all the amazing stuff that comes with carrying that bean through until he or she opens their eyes for the first time in the light and suddenly you have a whole new world of worry to deal with.
So somewhere around 2am when I finally stopped worrying that me laying awake worrying about the worst could cause the worst, I realised that if the women who suffered a loss during their pregnancy never tried again then there would be a heck of a lot less beautiful children being born into the world. Some brave individuals pick themselves up every few months and try again and again and again.
It was time to stop checking the pantyliner for a spot of blood, ban all symptom Googling, eat well, laugh often and bloom.
Let myself daydream, or make mental notes of delivery options and smile about the magic that was happening. I was pregnant!
We have to make this journey of unknowns, risk being hurt and head for the finishing line of the delivery room because anyone who had been there before will tell you it is an amazing journey.
Heck I said I only ever wanted one child but it was so amazing I'm aiming for a football team!
So I sit here, with some form of vegetarian Thai curry (its sounded nice, its not) causing hellish reflux and trying not to think about going to the toilet for umpteenth time today because I just got comfortable, rubbing my bloated belly knowing that the discomfort is only going to get worse and you know what?
I can't freaking wait :)
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from Sianny » Posted Apr. 28, 2014 9:58am Thank you. I know you have suffered your own losses but you are proof that no matter what motherhood throws at you, you've given it your all and won. I hope your new edition to the family isn't wearing you out too much and congratulations x |
 | Comment from Angela18 » Posted Apr. 28, 2014 7:55am Sorry for your losses. So many of us know that pain at some point :(. I'm going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a healthy 9 months. But you are right...the heartache of losses make you appreciate the discomfort don't they. My last one was the first time I had morning sickness and I completely welcomed the healthy sign. Good luck to you (hugs) |
