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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Q: Hubby and I fighting and now everything doesn't seem right. Please help!!

My husband was previously married and had a child who he was around for 3 days because his wife kicked him out. Him and I are expecting our first child. He hasn't seen his other child and is not close. He has said before he doesn't feel like a father because he is not around and is not allowed to act like a father the few times he has gone to visit his child that lives out of state. Since our due date is getting closer we have been talking and now all of a sudden he says that he loves his son and our daughter the same. When before he said he loves him but only because he is his son since there is no relationship. I am upset because he will be around our daughter more and get to experience everything with our daughter so wouldnt the love and the bond be stronger? He said it would be the same. I am really worried because I don't want my daughter to have to compete for her dad to love her. He always compares everything to that situation with us and my pregnancy and the baby. am i wrong?

This question was asked May. 20, 2012 1:08pm
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (31)

Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 11:01pm

You women obviously blew her question waaaay out of proportion. The reason she is concerned (whether she realizes it or not) about him saying he loves them equally is because he had no problem not being in the life of his son. So if he loves his son the same, but doesn't want to be in his life, obviously she doesn't want to see something like that happen if they were to separate (or any similar situation). Also, when he comes out of nowhere, completely different from what he had previously said, with all this love for his son it's possible for her to misconstrue it, thinking that he considers his son easier to love. (Which is obviously not the case, but the deeper psychological issues had to be unearthed before that would even be apparent.) With that being said, I understand your fears, but the best solution is to encourage a relationship with his son. I don't agree with the way these girls reacted, but I agree that all children need and deserve love equally.

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 6:45pm

So to hear this kind of question..I'm fairly certain that instead of sitting here..thinking of the nicest way to word it..People are giving you the REAL first thoughts of REALITY! It may not make you happy...but..girlfriend..you need a kick in the butt. i understand we all a brash emotions while pregnant..but..what you are mad at your hubby for is plane undignified! You need to get your family into counseling YESTERDAY! Do not let this break another family up..I think there is plenty of heartbreak in this situation already. Mothers job 101...
You are the glue to your family!
You are the nurturer
you are the heart
you are the strength
you are what keeps the circle whole!

Before you start pushing a child with endless love away..and before you start telling daddy that its not ok to love this child..go look in the mirror and ask yourself.. If this would be ok if it was being asked of him to treat your daughter this unruly.

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 4:05pm

I have never posted a question like this before. This is my first time ever posting a question. I though the ppl on here are supposed to be supportive not be rude!

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 9:33pm

kaylia- i did think that this was your question..so..sorry to the member for assuming that one little part. for the rest of what I said...it goes for you to kaylia. Nothing can justify this kind of action toward a child. PERIOD! It absolutely disgust me that there are more then one of you on here going through this. You guys definetly shouldn't be giving each other advice..and both of you..are in need of counseling.

As far as me keeping my identity to myself..so did 95% percent of the rest of us on this question. There is a reason for it..mostly because..on a normal basis..my name is never private with my answers because stupid question like this dont normally phase me. I typically dont answer to them. When I hear a child is being thrown under the bus...somebody needs to be an advocate for him/her. you guys are wrong..I dont care how many times the father gets the jitters and backs away from being a man. When he tries..good for him. hopefully her gets it next time.

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Answered by kaylia2oo5 - May. 20, 2012 8:27pm

your name. I'd never even had a chance to defend myself, as you cannot explain everything out over this website.

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 5:54pm

if you are not careful, you may get blamed in the future for him not pursuing a relationship with his son. and that could get pretty nasty. i would support him, and encourage him to have his rights to his son.... and not act childish about him loving his son. u really shouldn't be jealous that your daughter will have to "share" her father. this has nothing to do with his ex wife and everything to do with his son. his child!!!! you should have a little sympathy for this kid and stop acting like a kid yourself. im sorry you are not getting the answers you want, but if you are open to your husband about your feelings on the subject, i can promise you he will resent you for it in the future.

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 9:35pm

usually the support of through ALLLLLL of it makes that easier! Marriage is a 50/50. parenting is 100%. You be that extra for him so when hes feeling like it may be to hard...he knows with out a doubt! that you've got his back!

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Answered by danni179 - May. 21, 2012 10:59am

I think you should be happy about the situation, not angry. By you creating a child together you have made him realise how special a child is and in turn it has made him realise what he has been missing. If anything, your daughter will get more love than if he hadn't had this realisation. You can not stop him feeling love for his other child, thats a ridiculous statement. Instead, embrace his new outlook.

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Answered by mjjmbnmm - May. 20, 2012 2:48pm

I don't understand why you are upset about your dh loving his children equally, that's the way it should be. They are both his children and your daughters brother, you should be encouraging a relationship. I hope you get it figured out. Good luck!

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 5:01pm

Did you not want honest answers? You asked what we thought. We can sugar-coat it for you all you want, but whether we were rude or not, if you read through it, most of the responses have a similiar opinion of your situation. If you were looking for a bunch of women to totally agree with your view of the situation, that likely wasn't going to happen.

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