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Cattsmeow's Pregnancy
My Due Date: November 24, 2015I have given birth!
Age: 37 years old
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Having a rough go at the moment...
By Cattsmeow » Posted Dec. 2, 2015 1:32pm - 451 views - 9 comments
The past couple of days have been rough. My youngest son, Brandt is refusing to nap. He's 16 months old. He's been waking up around 5 every morning and not going to bed until almost 9 or 10 at night, with numerous wake ups throughout the night, and no naps during the day. The kid is clearly worn out, but I can't get him to sleep. As much as I hate doing it, I am letting him cry it out for now. (Unless he starts screaming. I go to him immediately if that starts up.) Yesterday, him and Valerie took turns screaming at me all day. If I wasn't holding one, trying to get them calmed down, I was holding the other one, doing the same. As a result, I only got one pump in yesterday. As if that wasn't bad enough, being sick has caused a HUGE drop in my supply. I'm barely getting 10ml a pump now, when before I was getting about an ounce combined from both sides per session. I've been trying to increase my pumps again today, since the kids are cooperating a little better.
I'm starting to think I am getting PPD again this time around as well. I have no energy to do anything, or the desire to do anything. It took a major pep talk this morning to motivate myself enough to get up and do the dishes. (That and the fact we had no clean cups, bowls, or spoons.) The drop in my milk supply isn't helping matters any. I keep telling myself that I am not a failure for not being able to breastfeed exclusively, and I am not a bad mom for pumping and not having enough milk to keep up with Valerie's needs and that formula is perfectly ok to give her. It works for about 5 seconds before I start feeling horrible again. I know the stress of that is not helping my supply any. I am so tempted to just throw in the towel on the whole breastfeeding/pumping thing, but I know I would feel even worse if I did that. I already feel as if I am not giving it my all (even though I logically know that I am doing the best I can), and I feel as if quitting now would just be a waste. Valerie has her corrective surgery for her lip tie next Thursday and I am desperately hoping that I can get her to latch on to the breast properly soon after. I have decided to give it until the New Year and if breastfeeding doesn't work out by then, I am letting it go. The thought makes me depressed, but yea. I have my 6 week PP visit the 28th, and we will be scheduling my tubal surgery for just after the first of January. I've been somewhat rethinking the whole thing, but I know it's for the best. I really do not think I could go through another pregnancy and have a fourth child. I know I will miss it (pregnancy, the newborn stage, everything), but I know I could not handle going through this whole process again. Again, thinking about this makes me depressed as well. =/
We also have the viewing for our friends who passed away tomorrow. We can't get a sitter, so we're going to have to take the kids with us. I really hope they behave, but I have a feeling we will just go, pay our respects to Brian, give our condolences to Jasmine and Kiernan, and come back home. I don't foresee the boys behaving all to well. We can't go to the funeral service because my husband has to work, and again, we can't get a babysitter for the kids. Taking them to the viewing is one thing, but I know they will not sit through the service. Honestly, I would rather not take them to the viewing at all, but my husband thinks they will be ok. I know Brandt and Valerie are too young to know what's going on, but Tyler is old enough to ask painful questions that I'm sure Jasmine and her daughter will not appreciate. How do you explain death to a 5 year old, anyway?
This week has just not been the greatest week and I am ready for it to be over with.
To end on a good note, I'm attaching a picture of me and Valerie. She is my snuggly baby girl and I just love it when I'm holding her and she snuggles in as close as she possibly can. Same goes for my sons. I love their snuggles.
My Journal - Page 2
Having a rough go at the moment...
By Cattsmeow » Posted Dec. 2, 2015 1:32pm - 451 views - 9 comments
The past couple of days have been rough. My youngest son, Brandt is refusing to nap. He's 16 months old. He's been waking up around 5 every morning and not going to bed until almost 9 or 10 at night, with numerous wake ups throughout the night, and no naps during the day. The kid is clearly worn out, but I can't get him to sleep. As much as I hate doing it, I am letting him cry it out for now. (Unless he starts screaming. I go to him immediately if that starts up.) Yesterday, him and Valerie took turns screaming at me all day. If I wasn't holding one, trying to get them calmed down, I was holding the other one, doing the same. As a result, I only got one pump in yesterday. As if that wasn't bad enough, being sick has caused a HUGE drop in my supply. I'm barely getting 10ml a pump now, when before I was getting about an ounce combined from both sides per session. I've been trying to increase my pumps again today, since the kids are cooperating a little better.
I'm starting to think I am getting PPD again this time around as well. I have no energy to do anything, or the desire to do anything. It took a major pep talk this morning to motivate myself enough to get up and do the dishes. (That and the fact we had no clean cups, bowls, or spoons.) The drop in my milk supply isn't helping matters any. I keep telling myself that I am not a failure for not being able to breastfeed exclusively, and I am not a bad mom for pumping and not having enough milk to keep up with Valerie's needs and that formula is perfectly ok to give her. It works for about 5 seconds before I start feeling horrible again. I know the stress of that is not helping my supply any. I am so tempted to just throw in the towel on the whole breastfeeding/pumping thing, but I know I would feel even worse if I did that. I already feel as if I am not giving it my all (even though I logically know that I am doing the best I can), and I feel as if quitting now would just be a waste. Valerie has her corrective surgery for her lip tie next Thursday and I am desperately hoping that I can get her to latch on to the breast properly soon after. I have decided to give it until the New Year and if breastfeeding doesn't work out by then, I am letting it go. The thought makes me depressed, but yea. I have my 6 week PP visit the 28th, and we will be scheduling my tubal surgery for just after the first of January. I've been somewhat rethinking the whole thing, but I know it's for the best. I really do not think I could go through another pregnancy and have a fourth child. I know I will miss it (pregnancy, the newborn stage, everything), but I know I could not handle going through this whole process again. Again, thinking about this makes me depressed as well. =/
We also have the viewing for our friends who passed away tomorrow. We can't get a sitter, so we're going to have to take the kids with us. I really hope they behave, but I have a feeling we will just go, pay our respects to Brian, give our condolences to Jasmine and Kiernan, and come back home. I don't foresee the boys behaving all to well. We can't go to the funeral service because my husband has to work, and again, we can't get a babysitter for the kids. Taking them to the viewing is one thing, but I know they will not sit through the service. Honestly, I would rather not take them to the viewing at all, but my husband thinks they will be ok. I know Brandt and Valerie are too young to know what's going on, but Tyler is old enough to ask painful questions that I'm sure Jasmine and her daughter will not appreciate. How do you explain death to a 5 year old, anyway?
This week has just not been the greatest week and I am ready for it to be over with.
To end on a good note, I'm attaching a picture of me and Valerie. She is my snuggly baby girl and I just love it when I'm holding her and she snuggles in as close as she possibly can. Same goes for my sons. I love their snuggles.
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from Summer0120 » Posted Dec. 2, 2015 1:45pm Very cute picture! I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Everyone has their days... and even sometimes weeks. Sometimes you just have to vent it all out. Hopefully typing it all out helped you feel a little better. Do not feel like a failure if you have to give up on the breastfeeding. You are obviously doing the best you can, but the stress it's causing you is probably depleting your supply even more. Keep your head up. Just remember... if having a new baby (especially with other children already at home) was supposed to be easy... men would be able to do it. Lol! ;) |
