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TheMrs0212's Pregnancy
My Due Date: I suffered a pregnancy lossAge: 36 years old
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Life on hold.
By TheMrs0212 » Posted Mar. 2, 2013 9:49am - 283 views - 2 comments
It's been a really difficult week not knowing if my babies are even alive or dead. Torturous, actually. Every twinge and ache makes my heart race, terrified I'll start gushing blood any moment. Our life is literally on hold, like someone hit the pause button. I can't even count the number of times we have started sentences with, "Well, depending on how next week goes..." I hate it.
I hate how angry I've become. The other day I started crying over having to buy decaf coffee. I started thinking about how just 6 weeks ago, I drank caffeinated coffee as freely as I wanted. I enjoyed wine on the weekends with my husband. I had so much energy. I loved getting up early and going on long runs. I was a happy person who was excited and hopeful for the future. Now, I don't run anymore. I drink decaf coffee. I fall asleep by 9:00 PM every night. I am sad all the time. I'm a shell of the person that I used to be, and for what? To get told next week that my babies never grew, to get a D&C, and be sent on my way. Nothing to show for my experience except some ultrasound pictures, tons of medical bills, and heartache.
I can't help but feel like I've been robbed of the joy and happiness that's supposed to accompany being pregnant. It's just..unfair.
My Journal
Life on hold.
By TheMrs0212 » Posted Mar. 2, 2013 9:49am - 283 views - 2 comments
It's been a really difficult week not knowing if my babies are even alive or dead. Torturous, actually. Every twinge and ache makes my heart race, terrified I'll start gushing blood any moment. Our life is literally on hold, like someone hit the pause button. I can't even count the number of times we have started sentences with, "Well, depending on how next week goes..." I hate it.
I hate how angry I've become. The other day I started crying over having to buy decaf coffee. I started thinking about how just 6 weeks ago, I drank caffeinated coffee as freely as I wanted. I enjoyed wine on the weekends with my husband. I had so much energy. I loved getting up early and going on long runs. I was a happy person who was excited and hopeful for the future. Now, I don't run anymore. I drink decaf coffee. I fall asleep by 9:00 PM every night. I am sad all the time. I'm a shell of the person that I used to be, and for what? To get told next week that my babies never grew, to get a D&C, and be sent on my way. Nothing to show for my experience except some ultrasound pictures, tons of medical bills, and heartache.
I can't help but feel like I've been robbed of the joy and happiness that's supposed to accompany being pregnant. It's just..unfair.
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from Lozie84 » Posted Mar. 3, 2013 6:54pm oh darling, i wish there was words that could make it better. i had a massive bleed at 7 weeks. i thought it was all over. While its different to your situation i went through so many emotions. I cried a lot, i was numb hoping that feeling nothing would hurt less then being sad. But honestly, there was no right way to deal with the sadness and the unknown. I really hope your babies are ok. and in worst case, you can take from this that you didnt drink wine, you did decaf coffee, you rested. You can KNOW you have done everything right by your babies. You are already an amazing mummy. and yeh you have been robbed of some happiness. I hope you can find some peace and strength in your faith, and that you can pray to God and talk to Him and your dear husband about your feelings and emotions. Please let us know if you need some support we can offer online. Thinking of you and all 3 of your special little babies. xx |
 | Comment from Brightstar » Posted Mar. 2, 2013 4:21pm ((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
