Cattsmeow's Pregnancy

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It's moments like this...
By Cattsmeow » Posted Dec. 10, 2015 9:16pm - 520 views - 10 comments

That make all the dpression and anxiety well worth it. My oldest asked to hold Valerie this evening while my husband was cooking dinner. (Tyler ADORES his baby sister.) Brandt climbed up next to him on the couch and starting loving on the baby while Big Brother held her. He even tried to share his bottle with her. So I dd what any mother would do and grabbed my camera. I started crying because it was almost too much. These 3 are the reason I fight my depression so hard. They are every breath I take. They are my whole world.

Valerie had her surgery this morning. It went very well. She was in and out of the OR in less than 20 minutes, and the nurses who brought her back from recovery said everyone was fighting over who got to hold her while she was in recovery. It was hard not being able to feed her beforehand, as there is no way to explain to a 3 week old why she can't eat when she is obviously very hungry. She was very angry when they brought her out to me after the surgery. They had her wrapped in a warm blanket and she got too hot. Poor thing wouldn't even take a bottle because she was too warm. So I got her unwrapped and calmed down enough to eat. She scarfed the 2 ounce bottle of glucose water they gave her and 2 ounces of formula in less than 10 minutes once she got cooled off and calmed down. We also wanted to say thank you to everyone for their thoughts and prayers for her surgery.

As for me, I'm still struggling with the depression, but I'm trying not to let it get me down so much. Once V and I got home from her surgery, I pretty much slept the afternoon away. (My husband had today off and stayed at home with the boys.) When I got up, my husband sent me shopping on my own. I had gotten a little money for my birthday, so I went and bought a new outfit and new boots for myself. I got a pretty sweater dress, 2 pairs of fleece lined leggings, 2 cami's, and the boots for less than $40. It was nice to get out by myself and buy something for me for a change. Normally, I go to the store for me and come out with bags full of clothes or whatnot for the kids instead. So it was nice. I may be struggling, but I will always keep fighting.

Comments for this Journal Entry

	Comment from pbc910 » Posted Dec. 11, 2015 2:54pm I've been there too..almost each day I cry as my babies cry. They are particularly needy now and it's like I can never soothe either one. I feel like a crappy mother most days but I'm doing the best I can. I'm pretty sure I am done with nursing and pumping. I keep trying to pump every 2-3 hrs or feed them but it's a joke.
	Comment from Cattsmeow » Posted Dec. 11, 2015 11:16am Pbc, my milk has completely dried up. I saw a LC and was advised to stop trying. (There were underlying issues with my breasts that were hindering milk production and was told I could pump/nurse all day and never have a substantial supply.) And it is hard with 2 little ones at home all the time. I can't tell you how many times I have sat holding Valerie with Brandt climbing all over and just cried.
	Comment from pbc910 » Posted Dec. 11, 2015 11:05am It's tough having multiple little one to take care of at the same time. I'm not dealing with depression but anxiety and stress. It sucks so much. That was super nice of your husband to give you a little time away. It's important to get some alone time. It will get better but I know how it feels and it often feels like, especially dealing with a whiney baby at 4am that things never will. Its so awesome that her biggest brother adores her so much and can help a little. Hopefully with the surgery behind you, she will be able to start nursing and maybe that will help you feel better :)
	Comment from Cattsmeow » Posted Dec. 11, 2015 10:56am Hayley, I have spoken to my doctor about it. Just getting by until my appointment.
	Comment from Summer0120 » Posted Dec. 11, 2015 10:53am That's so precious! Keep up the good work :)
	Comment from hayleycynthia » Posted Dec. 11, 2015 7:27am I don't know your whole story but please see your Dr about postpartum depression / anxiety. I had it really bad with my first baby and just kept going insisting it would get better. I only realised years later how bad it was and how much I missed of her being little. I really regret not getting the help
	Comment from Cattsmeow » Posted Dec. 11, 2015 7:14am Thank you, ladies. My husband is wonderful, even if he annoys the hell out of me at times. lol. Steph, I once went into WalMart to get myself some socks. (The washer and dryer had eaten all of mine.) I walked out of the store with almost $100 in clothes for my kids...and I forgot to get me friggen socks. lol. I always spend money on my kids, but I feel guilty when I spend money on myself.
	Comment from stephc2010 » Posted Dec. 10, 2015 11:27pm I'm so glad the surgery went well! I agree with MalPal, you're husband sounds like a great man! It's always nice to treat yourself once in a while. I always end up spending any extra money I have on my daughter, I think that's just how mother's naturally are, they put their babies first. Keep fighting. And always remember to take care of yourself, too. It will get better!! :)