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Amanda_McDaniel's Pregnancy
My Due Date: March 1, 2016I have given birth!
Age: 37 years old
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17 Weeks
By Amanda_McDaniel » Posted Sep. 22, 2015 7:09pm - 285 views - 3 comments
Grief has simply drained my life of color... The loss of my brother two weeks ago has just left me struggling to find reasons to be happy for a prolonged period of time. Of course my son makes me smile and my husband makes me laugh but I usually have an enchanted Disney forest full of rainbows and talking animals inside my head. Nothing now holds my attention for very long, except my books. I wouldn't say I'm depressed because I'm not sleeping all the time or hiding away in my house, this is just the first time I'm mourning someone I love and have loved my entire life. To make matters worse I still don't necessarily feel pregnant. I ache and get nauseated often but, otherwise, I just feel fat because I'm already up eleven pounds. *Sigh* Most people say don't worry about it because I'm pregnant but I don't feel like it's good for me or the baby to gain so quickly. Sadly, all my efforts to eat right are regularly thwarted by my love of carbs... I wish Caroline would start moving so I could feel her. I thought I had a few times prior to my loss but not since, kind of worrisome. I don't see my OB again until October 8th but I'm sure I'm worrying for nothing. At least some sort of nesting seems to be kicking in. Straightening up for my in-laws this past weekend quickly turned into cleaning the entire house, moved into rearranging furniture, and breaking out my Fall decorations. If this keeps up, I'll have nothing to do but work on the nursery here soon. My husband is working on the furniture so I guess I should just start cleaning out the space (losing my guest bedroom). But that's all that's new with me. Hopefully this lull will pass and I'll start feeling excited about everything again....
My Journal
17 Weeks
By Amanda_McDaniel » Posted Sep. 22, 2015 7:09pm - 285 views - 3 comments
Grief has simply drained my life of color... The loss of my brother two weeks ago has just left me struggling to find reasons to be happy for a prolonged period of time. Of course my son makes me smile and my husband makes me laugh but I usually have an enchanted Disney forest full of rainbows and talking animals inside my head. Nothing now holds my attention for very long, except my books. I wouldn't say I'm depressed because I'm not sleeping all the time or hiding away in my house, this is just the first time I'm mourning someone I love and have loved my entire life. To make matters worse I still don't necessarily feel pregnant. I ache and get nauseated often but, otherwise, I just feel fat because I'm already up eleven pounds. *Sigh* Most people say don't worry about it because I'm pregnant but I don't feel like it's good for me or the baby to gain so quickly. Sadly, all my efforts to eat right are regularly thwarted by my love of carbs... I wish Caroline would start moving so I could feel her. I thought I had a few times prior to my loss but not since, kind of worrisome. I don't see my OB again until October 8th but I'm sure I'm worrying for nothing. At least some sort of nesting seems to be kicking in. Straightening up for my in-laws this past weekend quickly turned into cleaning the entire house, moved into rearranging furniture, and breaking out my Fall decorations. If this keeps up, I'll have nothing to do but work on the nursery here soon. My husband is working on the furniture so I guess I should just start cleaning out the space (losing my guest bedroom). But that's all that's new with me. Hopefully this lull will pass and I'll start feeling excited about everything again....
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from Sailorswife » Posted Sep. 26, 2015 12:26am I'm sorry you are having to go through such pain and grieving in a time that should be so joyous. I hope you find some peace in this: It's a great way to honor a life taken too soon, by bringing another life into the world. |
 | Comment from Basia30 » Posted Sep. 23, 2015 1:04pm I can't wait to feel my baby but getting distracted with the nursery is a good thing. Hopefully you will find peace in your life soon and again I am so sorry about your brother. |
 | Comment from MalPal85 » Posted Sep. 23, 2015 8:15am Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure all is well with Caroline but to ease your mind you could always invest in a doppler. It has kept me sane these past 27 weeks, that's for sure. Congrats on the organizing! I got my fall stuff out on Monday :). I love fall. |
